Here I am again! Struggling.

Thank you Lisa. It just seems I can't find joy in the simple things like reading a book or watching a funny tv show. I have been low but not this low(I hope this is the lowest I will get).I'm at a turning point in my life where there are lots of good changes coming up and I should be a big ball of positive. Why is this happening to me now, of all times?  You have given me hope that it will lift and I know that.  It's just that when you're in the midst of it, you have to fight so hard to get out of the darkness. I don't laugh much anymore. One of the ladies I work with said I seemed "off" this week, not my usual cheery self.

I will get the book you recommended. Thank you for praying for me and God bless you!

Juanita, i wish i could take this from you. It's just aweful and so hard to get thru. Can you imagine if all of us ladies got together. It would be quite the pow wow. One thing i find to be true..."a friend loves at a times but a brother is born out of adversity". It's during these hard times that God provides us comfort thru one another. Imagine our struggles without this forum. Without the presence of these wonderful ladies to remind us that we struggle together and are not alone. And God can use even these wretched times. Imagine when we get thru this...we will come out better able to give comfort to others that suffer.

And you are so right, as many times as i have been low I would think that i could remember that it's only temporary when I get low again. But it doesn't happen that way. The tricks it plays on the mind. I need someone to remind me at my low points that i will come out of it. I know it mentally..but not practically. I certainly don't "feel it". I started journaling thru my low points. And then I journal when I come out of it. This has been a source of reminder and encouragement when I hit really hard bumps. I always second guess myself at low points saying "this is the worst, have I never been this low, will I come out of it" journaling helps put those fears to ease a little.

Hang in there...this too will pass. For me fighting it makes it harder. Accepting, resting and waiting eases the panic a little. Big hugs ??

Lisa what a wonderful reply. I feel better just reading your post. Yes I fight it, thinking I have to be some type of warrior or how will it ever lift?

I don't have to be the warrior. I can let God do that!

Hello Gailannie. I can't really take HRT anymore because of my fibroids, it bothers them(that's another reason I got off it). HRT, never really helped my moods anyway. My sister had a hysterectomy and was on  Estrace for five years and she felt wonderful. But she was only estrogen because she no longer had her uterus. I have to be on both which makes my fibroids cramp.  She cried when she had to get off her HRT, because she said "how can something that makes you feel so good be bad for you"?

I think I'm just gonna have to ride this out with God and Valium.  I do have some of my Trazodone left, so I may have to resort to cutting it half, and just getting a little in my system(My doctor took me off Trazodone because I felt is wasn't working and put me on Prozac). Two days on Prozac and I was out of my mind, with suicidal thoughts, loose stools, headache, and nausea. I called the doctor, she says keep taking it, the symptoms will go away. I haven't taken the Prozac in seven days, and the Trazodone for nine days.(which apparently was working, especially seeing how I feel now). I think I was having rebound depression from my Trazodone and my dosage just needs to be lowered, I don't know.

Sorry, I know you didn't ask to hear all my crap.  Than you for responding, it always helps me. ((((hugs))).

I am postmenopausal and I am not ok. I thought once you reached menopause you would be good to go. Honestly I never even thought about menopause until very recently when I decided to have my hormones checked. I am out of whack . I've been housebound for a couple of years now and mainly living on the couch. I got off antidepressants 2 years ago and have been in a horrible state ever since. Apparently the antidepressants mask hormonal imbalances so now I am completely in the raw and it's incredibly awful. My life has never been smooth as far as circumstances are concerned, but I could sort of navigate through ok. Now my life circumstances are even keeled but it's ME that is out of order. So frustrating. So many things I want to do. I miss participating in life. I totally took it for granted. All my nice clothing just hangs in the closet. I live in my robe. Too uncomfortable else. I am very close to getting onto BHRT. Had to jump through too many hoops which is cruel when you're chronically ill. I'm just a big ball of complaints today. 3 broken hours of sleep just adds to it all. I'm worried today that I have bowel cancer. It could be a bowel hernia. I dunno but I have had it too long for it to be just nothing. Never thought about death in years passed. Now it haunts my mind. Keep trying to tell myself, "You're a spirit having a human experience". . . Doesn't seem to quell my fear of death. Ok, now that my comment has reduced to talking about death, it's time for me to go.

Hugs to all of you brave ladies!!

Leslie, you are not dying. Almost every woman on this forum has thought they were dying of some disease at one time or another. Yet here we are still alive and kicking.It's your hormonal mind that makes you feel that way. If you have to get back on antidepressants then so be it. Find a good doctor and a good therapist.

We are here, you are not alone.🤗🤗🤗

Thank you Amy.🤗🤗🤗 It's just very comforting to know you ladies are here. ?????

Oh my dear leslie, I think you may need to reconsider going back on your anti-depressants. I have also gone through the 'death' syndrome constantly thinking each day is my last. I take HRT and symptoms are improving slowly but surely. I cant take anti-depressants as I had 10 years on paroxitine after the suicide of my 2nd husband. They surpressed so much and when I began to get long term use side effects I got off them and so many feelings that had been bottled up inside came flooding out. I am recovering from that thanks to my new man and my youngest son aswell as some good friends on this forum. REMEMBER WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU ANYTIME, ANY PLACE, ANY WHERE . you will always be able to find one of us. Big cuddles to you hun and dont give up, this wont last forever!

Hi leslie95604,

Interesting how your posting starts out by saying you thought once you were in menopause you would be okay. You see this on the boards a lot. "Oh, I can't wait until this peri is over and I hit menopause". I think for most women that is when things get really ugly. I too thought this is going to be a breeze after 10 years of peri symptoms. Couldn't wait for periods to finally end. When they did end, it took less than three months to see the signs of aging and other issues, mentally and physically really kick in. Some women report still having hot flushes and other problems into their 70's. This is not what I wanted for the remainder of my life. I see you are thinking of BHRT. I've been on bio's for over two years. Took care of any issues I was having from not sleeping to hot and freezing cold issues, to lubrication issues and my overall well being. I don't feel like I'm in menopause at all. Getting a good dr is key that know what their doing. Checks labs regular and adjusts prescriptions based on symptoms and labs. You can feel better if it is done properly, Your right about the anti depressants masking the symptoms. Its tricking your brain that you feel better when the problem is still there, lack of hormones. BTW, I am on estrodial, estriol, testosterone and progesterone transdermal creams. I will be on them for the rest of my life.  Good luck.

Hi 2chr2015,'

No I go to a holistic doctor. He had 22 years as a MD before switching over to Holistic medicine. My general doctor, a female was not keen on HRT and didn't know much about BHRT. I knew I wanted to get a doc that knew what they were doing and able to prescribe compounded BHRT. No regrets at all. I'm on transdermal creams and will stay on them for the rest of my life to keep my hormones balanced.

I'm 57, soon to be 58. 

I never really knew during most of them 10 years that it was peri that had me feeling the way I was. Headaches, heavier menstrual flow, etc. Just kind of grinned and bared it. Nothing hard to imagine getting on BHRT after your periods end. While you are still having your periods at least you are putting out hormones that are keeping your body well for the most part. After the periods end the hormone production pretty much ends and deterioration is very obvious. Intimacy is a very important part of my life and to keep that healthy you really have to keep your hormones replenished.