Hit rock bottom
Posted , 8 users are following.
Hi, this is my first post on here so I'd appreciate even the smallest bit of advice. I'm at my absolute rock bottom. I've always been an anxious person but never to the extent where I've suffered with side effects. Last week I went to a&e 3 times (one of these times I was taken my ambulance after I rang 111) due to chest pains and other symptoms cardiac related. I'm a student nurse so have a little bit of knowledge around physiology and what can go wrong so I thought the absolute worst. The day after my 3rd a&e attendance, I rang my doctor and he prescribed me diazepam because I hadn't slept in 3 days due to fear of not waking up. I have tried to take in what the doctors in a&e have said about it being anxiety related but I am overweight and worry about the effect on my health. I've had all sorts going on this year but I've never suffered with it like this. Now, all of a sudden, when I've passed uni work and have 2 weeks off and nice things planned with my girlfriend, I'm having approx 10 panic attacks a day. It's unbearable. I have wrote list after list about what could be potentially causing me to be so anxious and I can't find the root cause or anything? My family keep saying "you need to pull yourself together" and my friends are trying to be very "careful" around me. I've rang numerous helplines at various times of the day due to being hysterical and nobody to turn to. My girlfriend is understanding but I don't want to shift all my worries on to her. I'm so scared that I'm going to have a full blown break down and it will ruin my chances at university as I'm fearful they will find out about what's been going on and suggest I take time out to focus on my health. I feel that now I've got nothing to worry about, all the things I've suppressed throughout the year are all coming out in these panic/anxiety attacks. I'm due to have a telephone consultation with my doctor today but im worried they'll want to start my on medication and I really don't want to take anything. I understand why people do but because this is all new to me I want to find out what's causing it before masking the symptoms and being reliant on medication. Even typing this out now is causing the worst pain all across my chest and back. My muscles are in agony from being so tense all week and my jaw is painful from constant teeth grinding when I've finally been able to have a few hours sleep. Sorry for rambling on a bit but this is the first time I've just poured everything out. I really hope there is a light at the end of this awful s****y tunnel. Thanks in advance to anyone that has any advice/tips on how to feel normal again
0 likes, 20 replies
Jelley93 Jess91
Posted
Hi Jess I know all about it. couple of weeks ago i went to a&e in Leicester due to a massive panic attack. It started from 11pm and lasted all night. I had no sleep shaking constantly brain felt like someone had hot wired it. Following morning i rang 111 and went straight to a&e. Had all different tests done. Nothing at all was wrong. Anxiety is a b*****d trust me. My main symptom is unbalanced on a boat feeling. The last few days I have got a bit depressed with it all. I said to myself you wanna kill me then get it over with because im done fighting. Now im feeling a bit of an improvement touch wood. The trick is just to not give a toss about how you feel. Easier said than done yes. But I was in the same position as you Jess. I am 24 and when i got anxiety i thought well life is over. But whatever happens stay strong. I came to this site out of desperation and frustration. I now realise anxiety is such a common condition. Stay strong girl.
Jess91 Jelley93
Posted
Thank you so much for responding so soon. It's a relief to hear people are feeling the same and that's why I come to this forum, to get a sense of "I'm not the only one". The past few days I've had really bad depersonalisation, I feel like I'm in a bubble and nothing's real. I've tried to thing "stuff it, if it is something health related then I'll have to deal with it and wait until something serious happens if they haven't picked up on it sooner" but there's always a niggling feeling that something's really wrong and the symptoms are so similar to serious health problems. I just feel so lost and can't stop crying all the time. I just want to feel like me again but it's so hard to shift it. Thanks again for your reply, appreciate it
Jelley93 Jess91
Posted
I have had depersonalisation awful thing to have at the time I was cycling to work and it felt like i wasn't even riding the bike. Just like it was automated. I would look up a guy on you tube hes called wonder bro. He has really good advice for all the symptoms that anxiety has to offer. But the main thing I would say is to just accept all this crap. It was hard for me at the start trust me I just thought f**k it id rather not be around anymore. But accepting it little by little I am finally starting to come back to reality hopefully anyway. I wish you all the best with this.
Jess91 Jelley93
Posted
Thank you so much, I'll definitely have a look on YouTube at his videos. Yeah it's so so scary, I keep getting it whilst driving and I have to keep pulling over due to spacing out. Thanks again for the honest advice, talking about it with a stranger really helps as it's somebody neutral to everything so I already feel slightly calmer just from this so cheers
Jelley93 Jess91
Posted
mimibrenda Jess91
Posted
Hi Jess, So sorry you are suffering. You want to find a reason for your anxiety and depression, but there may not be one. Sometimes, it just hits us out of nowhere. If at all possible you need to calm yourself a bit. Have you tried deep breathing? Also, journalling works for me. If I pour all my feelings out on paper and then read it, it helps me. Please don't feel that you are burdening your friends and family with your feelings, that is what friends and family are for. Be very honest...no sugar-coating it. Take good care of yourself. Sleep when you need to because anxiety is very tiring. Eat well. Be kind to yourself.
Jess91 mimibrenda
Posted
Thank you so much for your kind words. I think that's my problem at the minute. I want to know why it's come on all of a sudden. I don't seem to have any triggers yet but it's quite severe at the minute. I'm in with the doctor tomorrow so I'm hoping to get a referral to CBT or counselling of some sort. I just hope I can get it under control before I go back to uni as I can't imagine feeling like this with the stress of uni work. Thanks again :-) it does calm me when I hear I'm not alone and the only one going through this x
kaila12140 Jess91
Posted
Hi Jess,
Your story basically masks mine. 2 months ago to the day I started feeling really off and dizzy. I have had anxiety since having my son 5 years ago and I think it just slowly kept getting worse with all the constant life changes over the last few years (there's been lots). Anyways , I ended up going into a panic over having a heart attack or stroke and rushed to the hospital . After tests they said it was anxiety . When I went home from that visit I was an absolute mess. I'm a stay at home mom and I could barely barely function ...I was having horrible chest pain, stabbing , burning , numbness and tingling ...I also couldn't sleep because I was having panic attacks in my sleep and was so scared I wouldn't wake up. I went to the dr and he gave me Zoloft and clonazepam for emergencies . Well in the last 2 months I've been back to the dr 3 times , seen a naturopath , started therapy and it has been a very slowwww process coming out of my constant state of anxiety. When your body is so riddled with fear and adrenaline and you start to get physical symptoms it's impossible not to panic and fear the worse. I would cry everyday for 2 weeks straight and I was basically just waiting to die . Well, I'm still here & I am doing so much better !
I ended up accepting meds and I am currently on Escitalopram (10mg) & then I have the clonazepam for emergency situations. The anxiety still creeps in and I'm still scared sometimes but it's no where near the panic I was facing just a month ago. If you can I would suggest to start therapy , and try meds ..they aren't for everyone but they are really working for me right now and I need to function for my child so I have to do whatever I can . I also do acupuncture and it helps calm your nervous system down .
My biggest issue is acceptance - I have a hard time trusting doctors and felt like there absolutely had to be something wrong with me for me to feel so bad(I suffer from health anxiety the most ) but anxiety can do so much to us and it is so scary but it can't hurt us! Try medication and self therapy on youtube... I totally get how you feel. I had complete fear of everything especially being alone but now I am okay . You'll be okay to!!
kaila12140
Posted
Also, I've had every symptom and more ! Depersonalizations , numbness , burning , heart palps, stomach pain , muscle twitches , the feeling of a band around my head. The sooner you accept the feelings are just anxiety the faster they'll disappear . In the state you are in I know it seems so impossible but you will get through this! It'll just take time and lots of mind work . You can do this !!
Jess91 kaila12140
Posted
I'm so glad to hear you're ok and have got better from what you've been through. I think mine is more health anxiety too. Being a student nurse, I have access to information all the time, especially when I'm working in the hospital. I'm always asking the doctors and nurses I'm working with various questions about health and any concerns I have regarding mine. It's just bloody awful. I just want to feel normal again, a few weeks ago I had lots going on but no anxiety or physical symptoms. Now I have nothing to worry about I'm constantly thinking I'm dying or he doctors aren't taking me seriously or withholding tests because of my age. I'm with the doctor tomorrow so I will discuss my concerns regarding medication and see what he suggests but I'm also hoping for a referral for some kind of therapy or counselling. Thank you again for your support x
kaila12140 Jess91
Posted
I know what you mean cause I google too much , like constantly . If I hear about an illness I'll google it and then all the sudden I start to get symptoms it's horrible . I have banned myself from googling anything . My paranoia and irrational thoughts got so bad that I thought doctors were faking the tests they sent me for (it's ridiculous lol) now I look back at my thoughts and I laugh . I was absolutely convinced and I mean convinced I was having a heart attack any day ...no one could tell me other wise . I'm still here though and I've talked to so many other people who have gone through the exact same thing as you and I and they are still here and doing ok. Therapy has helped me immensely. I also downloaded some apps that are kinda like CBT that I can do when I'm feeling off . It's important to practise mindfulness ..the intrusive negative thoughts are terrible but they are just thoughts they are not real. I hope you start to feel better soon!
Also , this forum also helped me so much ! So come back here anytime you're feeling like you need some advise to reassurance !
Jess91 kaila12140
Posted
That's exactly how I feel! I feel so much better on this forum because I feel a relief knowing it's not just me. I need to have a look at mindfulness and breathing techniques I think as I need to try to have some coping techniques due to having multiple attacks throughout the day. Thank you again for your support x
marleen85993 Jess91
Posted
Hi Jess I wonder did you suffer health anxiety before you went into nurse training or has it developed since starting your course.Generally people that go into nursing are caring individuals that are probably more prone to ànxiety and depression.Your the total opposite to me l wanted it to be a physical illness as l knew how poor the mental health care is and l knew l could handle a physical illness better.l have nursed for over 20 years.Push to get the help you need now therapy is the best treatment for health anxiety.Also use meditation, mindfulness and breathing techniques.
Jess91 marleen85993
Posted
Thank you Marleen. I suppose I've always had a bit of anxiety around my health due to being overweight and having some other health issues but it's never affected me like this. I'm in my second year of training and I didn't feel like this in my first year so god knows what's gone on. I just feel so sad because I always thought I was quite mentally strong and I can't help feeling really annoyed at myself for allowing myself to get to this low point. I'm hoping for a referral to therapy tomorrow from my doctor so fingers crossed I find it useful. I'm willing to try anything to feel my usual self again. Thank you again for your support x
marleen85993 Jess91
Posted
Sometimes being strong means saying l can't cope and asking for help.Don't be hard on yourself and give yourself time as ànxiety is something that there is no quick fix for.Take whatever help you are offered.