Hoarding/Money advice needed
Posted , 2 users are following.
Hi, I'm new to this but need some advice.
I have been seeing a guy for about 3 months who seems genuinely sweet and lovely. However, I've become aware that he appears to have all the signs of some sort of disorder which I can't quite put my finger on.
His place (I've only been inside once) has all the typical signs of a hoarder. Several boats in the yard all in need of some sort of work, an unused car, and I could harldy walk through the place as it was stacked; there was no-where to even sit.
He comes to my place every weekend but I have to pick him up as apparently his car heats up (roughly 70km each way plus tolls), on the few occasions we've eaten out I've had to pay for the meal. If we go for coffee I pay for it. He buys a few groceries such as bulk potatoes/capsicums etc..something that one would buy at a cheap price from a vegetable store. Not once since being with him has he ever purchased anything, not even a coffee.
I'm torn as he honestly seems like a lovely guy, but I'm scared of getting deeper in this relationship and suffer the consequences after.
Can anyone offer any advice please as to what steps I should be taking? I do not want to end the relationship without at least trying to get him some sort of help.
Thank you in advance.
0 likes, 33 replies
tess33005 jo87738
Posted
So.........................let us know what you've decided, Jo. We've all given the same advice and we're all (ahem) just a little older than you are.
We'd like to know!
helen20833 tess33005
Posted
Whatchutalkinbout? Me, I'm barely into double figures age wise...or is that bra size...Help! Alzheimers!!!!!!!!!!!!!
tess33005 helen20833
Posted
No problem, Helen.
I'm a specialist Dementia Nurse.
And as for bras, I ordered some through the post and when I opened them I was delighted......until my husband said "They're far too small for you."
As it happens, they're not. They're those stretchy Old Lady bras for the overweight. The cheek of it.
helen20833 tess33005
Posted
Dude's uingrateful! least you've got "enough" to keep his ears warm in winter
Me, well, that's another story..sufficient to say I had to buy Stephen ear muffs one Christmas 
tess33005 helen20833
Posted
helen20833 tess33005
Posted
cia42277 helen20833
Posted
cia42277 helen20833
Posted
Now the two of you have almost choked me to death!!! I was chewing a piece of bacon when I read the last salvo of wit.
helen20833 cia42277
Posted
tess33005 helen20833
Posted
But i hope Jo will soon reply positively.
And I'm glad you didn't choke to death, Cia.
jo87738
Posted
I'm still here guys...and again, I love your comments and thank you!! I can tell that many of you are older and wiser so advice being seriously taken.
I have been disussing this issue with him, (I'm keeping my head above emotions here but personally I do feel that I need to lay it all out BEFORE I make any final ties, that's just me).
He keeps mentioning the fact that he buys groceries..in all seriousness, the groceries accumulate to: potatoes, capsicums, 2 couple of oranges, a couple of packets of spicy snacks (he knows I like spice, he doesn't, so I guess this is his way of saying "look how much I care for you" in their own twisted world. Oh, he also has 2 jobs, day one and evening one..plus goes to markets on a Sunday to sell what he calls "stuff"..ie. his hoarding.
This is in comparision to my fuel and tolls (read post), about 4-5 meals all containing meat and rich nutritious stuff, wine and soft drinks (he hates water so I have to buy soft drinks, last time I suggested he buys the soft drinks he threw a joke and ..didn't buy any!)
So now our discussions have turned into a debate so to speak...but I told him clearly that this situation is absolutely not on and will not be going anywhere...I'm still waiting to see whether he will actually face up to reality.
It's amazing but I'm now viewing this from an almost 3rd party point of view...I'm part of it yet seperate. I guess this is what it means to seperate the heart and emotions from what is clearly an abusive situation.
Do these people (if they are actually diagnosed medically as being OCD, all symptoms point in that direction), realize how hurtful their actions, or lack of, are towards those closest to them? Are they capable of loving at all?
Ladies, may you all be blessed and once again, a heartfelt thank you for your support.
had a good laugh about the bras too...hehehhehehehe!!
helen20833 jo87738
Posted
HEY! I hope you're not lumping me together with all those other ole farts! Me, I'm just a young thing, a girl no less..that hag that stares back at me out of the mirror? A mere figment of the imagination! Ize young and beautiful man, still struttin' my stuff........
Now then..from what I know of OCD their "stuff " is their comfort blanket...bit like a dummy/pacifier a soft toy a toddler drags with them wherever they go and won't sleep without it.
Personally I don't see his OCD as a problems as much as your relentless pursuit in trying to get him to face it and to change. It says to me you want him to change because you definitely don't want to let him go.
Marriages and relationships are ruined by someone with OCD who carries on regardless in the face of losing their beloved family..This speaks volumes about their willingness to change.
Are they capable of love? Who knows. But few appear capable of making the effort to change even in the face of impending loneliness because those who care, who struggle to help them, often throw their hands up in despair and walk away.
Even if you get him to change,there is no guarantee he will not slip back into his OCD. that is somethinh else you have to take into consideration.
But I get the feeling you ain't going anywhere
tess33005 helen20833
Posted
Jo, please RUN FOR THE HILLS. I am not going to make any further comments.
Except that Helen is 123 years old.
helen20833 tess33005
Posted
I'm not going to make any further comments either.
Except to say, Yeah, but I don't look a day over 122...
cia42277 tess33005
Posted
She just had a birhday, so she's 124.
There comes a time when one knows it's time to let go. I, too, will not be making anymore comments.
Good luck, Jo