Hopelessly binge drinking into oblivion ??!
Posted , 9 users are following.
Hi this is my first post to forum so i hope it makes sense! Just wondering if anyone has experienced this kind of pattern and would appreciate any tips how to stop! I been drinking heavily twice a week for about 7 years now but was always was the noticeable one from early on, quite self destructive in terms of use. I can’t seem to control the anxiety which consumes me after two drinks, its a horrid feeling like walking on thin ice i don’t know what’s in store for tonight once started.
Before was always happy go lucky merry drinker while at uni, but following bereavements ,health conditions, job change etc, this seemed to have replaced by unhappy, frustrated and angry alcoholic. i now drink alone indoors most weekends to try and keep out of trouble as recently things are getting worst when out with friends, the arguments, sarcasm, insults i’m ashamed to say etc. I am a nice good person and don’t like the ‘other’ person emerging after i drink and determined to stop before some an event occurs and there is no going back. I have been to couple mates funerals that were alcohol related and should know better about the road ahead. I had a big problem with coke that landed me in hospital twice before following OD but have been clean so far. But my vice has always been the alcohol and i worried this don’t care attitude will trigger full relapse of everything. I went AA, personal meeting and atm reading and realising the difficulty but wondering am i addicted to drink already and what to do??!
I am aware from the literature that this type of drinking often leads to alcoholism and given my circumstances and factors, i dislike the fear as is part and parcel which feeds it itself. I am back on sleeping tablets as planning to fight ahead for 30 days off but already tried and failed several times this year. 
2 likes, 24 replies
hope4cure larry2014
Posted
I could direct you to read my many heart breaking posts/ discussions about my son who has been a ALCOHOLIC since a TEEN.and mabe u could see the pain u live in and create for those who luv you. But I won't, because you will think that's not ME!
I will only say that I wish I had a drinking problem sometimes because I know that I would have a choice even though alcohol addiction controls my mind but it's a disease and I would love to live a sober, or a pain free life and I take help for my alcoholism in a New York minute. Because I have a lot of arthritis slowly eating away at my bones and joints. I have osteo arthritis , psoriatic arthritis, rhumy arthritis and two hip joint replacements and the left hip has been recalled by the manufacturer.
So now I have to endure the pain of the surgeon to remove the recalled hip ..whole implant device from my femur bone they have to use a hammer and chisel to break the bone to remove it. Then the ball joint has to be removed same proceedure. My pelvis has osteo arthritis it feels like I am in labour about to deliver a child if I simply stand to long or walk a block. They cannot guarantee that I will come thru the sergury without depending on canes, walkers or a wheel chair. And I will be in pain. It will take months of grueling physical therapy if I could walk again. I am in severe physical pain every day. I have no choice......but my mind is not in the control of addiction from alcohol.
I take OTC meds because I am allergic to many pain meds that have morphine or opiates as well all many anti biotics. So if I get any type of infection in the left hip ie: replaced again I may have to choose between having the hip implant prothesis removed forever and no hip joint at all in my left hip. My right hip is 15 years old and needs replacing so I am in pain all the time, metal rubs on the ball joint bone. I face heavy metal poisoning if I do not have the left hip replaced due to metal rubbing metal & fraying into my blood stream and soft tissue every day. I will stop here......the pain the madness of arthritis never goes away.
So u have a choice to be healthy sober and clean,..addiction that controls UR mind but u still have that choice...... I DO NOT have that choice and to top it all off my son is a black out drunk as his condition has deteriorated . So what do you think that stress does to my illness. My hands are curled up from PSORIATIC arthritis last yr when my son was on life support my hands curled and r now frozen.. That's what stress & alcohol has do to exaserbate my illness. This all is outta control I cannot control my illness.....nor can the alcoholic with the madness of addiction.
What choice do YOU have to get sober and stay sober. At least You have a choice go to fine help. I can not find help I DONOT....have that luxury.
i sincerely you you make the right choice reach out for help and find sobriety and stay clean and sober get thru the madness. Alcohol in a way controls the mind UR trapped as lond as u drink. Trapped sick and feeling anxiety which snowballs over and over.
U can find a clinic at least give it a try find what ever is right for you. Get back your life that Alcohol has stolen from YOU! "NOT ONE MORE DRINK" ! I can never get back my life!
HOPE
larry2014 hope4cure
Posted
hope4cure larry2014
Posted
where the Heck r you ??????
we are worried? Binge drinking can cause many problems. At least let us know u r OK!
GETTING help sometimes I a huge step and there r a lot of ways u can find help.
i hope u did and r doing better???????????????
larry2014 hope4cure
Posted
Yes i had been doing ok thanks! Had 10 tens days off. Most i’ve been able to manage for 2 years which is minor but significant victory! I hear you and know what you mean. Its is twisted and will take away everything from me eventually. I am trying to practice been grateful for the things and appreciate each day.
Last night i got bit stressed and my head was making lots of excuses and i let that thought get in my mind ‘who cares’ and choose easy way out. I slowed the evening down and didn’t drink too much but one of my last 2 remaining friends that i went out with thinks i might have a personality disorder as i was incredibly hostile and i would say crazy towards them. One actually said can’t forgive some of the words i said. As you correctly say, that fun person larry seems to vanish after a drink, I am concerned about this vileness and horrible mad talk that is not me. I feel terrible today. I’m sick of saying sorry all time next day. I guess it’s why they call it the demon drink brings out the worst.
I can’t seemed to be grown up about this or the serious nature of it as you pointed out. It’s like i’ stuck in some game, i’m trading gold for scrap, wasting everything, i don’t realise the gravity of the situation dispite having my fingers burned and stories such as yours. Not in denial, as i’m been open and honest about it. I don’t under estimate the power of addiction as the road at first seems rosy but is on the way to hell. An ex policeman childhood friend of mine mentioned to me some time ago, i am deluding myself by pretending a problem doen’t exist, your telling yourself what you wana hear, playing your own fiddle. He warned me that one day your will luck run dry, some event will happen, ie driving, fight, hospital, etc, that will change your life forever which there is no coming back from, there still a good chance for you, don’t throw it away. We don’t talk anymore as he didn’t want anything like that in his life. fair enough. I am my own worst enemy. This proverbial devil sitting of my shoulder is gaining ground. Sometimes wears my resolve down, 2 steps forward, 3 steps back, but i got 10 days in the bag and i know there are plenty of sober joyful months waiting.
Are you 'hope4cure' AA councillor of some kind, May i ask how old you and your son are btw? I hope his is doing better.
PaulJTurner1964 larry2014
Posted
You have overcome the first hurdle by recognising that you have a problem. You are not blaming other people, you are taking responsibility, yourself. You DO realise the gravity of the situation, you just don't know how to fix it. You need to find some support from any of the various places it is available, and on here, of course.
PaulJTurner1964 larry2014
Posted
larry2014
Posted
Yes i had been doing ok thanks! Had 10 tens days off. Most i’ve been able to manage for 2 years which is minor but significant victory! I hear you and know what you mean. Its is twisted and will take away everything from me eventually. I am trying to practice been grateful for the things and appreciate each day.
Last night i got bit stressed and my head was making lots of excuses and i let that thought get in my mind ‘who cares’ and choose easy way out. I slowed the evening down and didn’t drink too much but one of my last 2 remaining friends that i went out with thinks i might have a personality disorder as i was incredibly hostile and i would say crazy towards them. One actually said can’t forgive some of the words i said. As you correctly say, that fun person larry seems to vanish after a drink, I am concerned about this vileness and horrible mad talk that is not me. I feel terrible today. I’m sick of saying sorry all time next day. I guess it’s why they call it the demon drink brings out the worst.
I can’t seemed to be grown up about this or the serious nature of it as you pointed out. It’s like i’ stuck in some game, i’m trading gold for scrap, wasting everything, i don’t realise the gravity of the situation dispite having my fingers burned and stories such as yours. Not in denial, as i’m been open and honest about it. I don’t under estimate the power of addiction as the road at first seems rosy but is on the way to hell. An ex policeman childhood friend of mine mentioned to me some time ago, i am deluding myself by pretending a problem doen’t exist, your telling yourself what you wana hear, playing your own fiddle. He warned me that one day your will luck run dry, some event will happen, ie driving, fight, hospital, etc, that will change your life forever which there is no coming back from, there still a good chance for you, don’t throw it away. We don’t talk anymore as he didn’t want anything like that in his life. fair enough. I am my own worst enemy. This proverbial devil sitting of my shoulder is gaining ground. Sometimes wears my resolve down, 2 steps forward, 3 steps back, but i got 10 days in the bag and i know there are plenty of sober joyful months waiting.
Are you 'hope4cure' AA councillor of some kind, May i ask how old you and your son are btw? I hope his is doing better.
hope4cure larry2014
Posted
Hello Larry,
Thank you so much for getting back to me. I am very relieved to hear from you. How lovely to hear UR concern for my health and my son. Thank u for UR concern it means a lot to me. Posting to you is what keeps me going. To help u stay sober for one day is a gift that I will happily take. It's one day one hour at a time....I have been honest with u when I asked u to PLZ let us know how u r. I have seen the worst of the angry .. Belligerent...and blackout behaviors of alcohol, more than my heart could ever take. I am very concerned about you. U r a very bright, kind,articulate,talented man. I can tell by the way u write UR posts and I know u can live a better life. What do u do??
I know u will are a fighter. It's too much sometimes ... Those are the times that the bigger thing to do is to ask for help. Go for professional help they will help u understand why u r drinking and how the vicious cycle of addiction can be broken.
I love my son who is 39, & been drinking since a teen. My son has 4 brothers who have not unlocked the key to understanding addiction and the disease of alcoholism. They beleive it is a weakness not a disease. I have helped put my son many, many times thru alcohol treatment .
He knows how to manipulate the system and gets kicked out or he walks out. If the judge gives him a choice between 18 months in jail or a treatment center, he takes jail. Because he knows he will be out with good behavior in 6 months rather than a year of treatment.
He is the kindest most gentle young Man U would ever meet. Before the madness took over. He had a quick wit and a natural at making people laugh. He is bright & he is a wiz on computers,picks up anything quickly. He loves construction and ran his own business. He was a functional drinker and was very successful.
During that time his drinking became so out of control about late twenties...began to have DUI's , lost his drivers liscence...he lost his business after a long bout of binge drinking & no eating, 8 years ago he almost died. For weeks we did not know where he was. Now after so many years of alcoholism he has bi-polar disorder/ paranoid, PTSD and character disorders caused by alcohol that shrinks the brain and brain cells die and the only patterns alcohol has left him mentally impaired.
All the cops see is the alcoholic. They are cruel and mistreat him they don't see the mental illness. He is treated worse than a dog. At least a stray gets a warm meal,medical attention and shelter. An alcoholic is not even given a simple meal.
I am 65, and the whole family has no more interest in him. They DO NOT understand the mind of a alcoholic, or how the brain & the feel good pathways are now trained to crave that feeling over and over. Until it takes more and more drinks to self medicate to keep the addiction transmitters quiet. The alcohol has left him powerless until he passes out. He will crawl under homes to sleep it off to keep from being found and beat by the police.
Both his hands are crushed from being slammed thru a plate glass store window. It took 2 days before the police got him to the dr. The tendons and ligaments were cut and torn. He works with his Hands and alcohol robbed him of his profession. His back was broken after a police car hit him while he was running from the police. Anxiety and PTSD ( developed from alcohol) he panicked and ran. He has been thru so many awfully incredibly unbelievable encounters with police and drunken fights, poisoned , and left for dead. And he still drinks!
He was a handsome beautiful spirit full of life and love and a passion for his work. That has all been stolen from him by alcohol. He is not that man any more, he is still my beloved son. He now is a total stranger living like an animal. I don't even recognize him. Sometimes he lives on the streets or sometimes he will manipulate someone with a sad story. Especially young women, who take him in thinking they can help him if they love him enough and give him a home he will change. These young women ( are enablers who are functional drinkers themselves, from nurses to lawyers), end up fighting for their lives just trying to find a way to evict him from their homes.
After many years of this lifestyle he has a lot of practice at what works and gets him into their unsuspecting lives and thru the door. Most are young divorced women he becomes envolved with...many with young children, who get in the middle of the ugly drunken abuse between the drunken adults.
Usually these women do not understand the alcoholic or the con artist..... Have battled alcoholism themselves. They use him to fix their homes & cars & he uses them for shelter, food and sex...the rest of the time he is usually in jail. It's a half and half yearly life ...1/2 in jail 1/2 in abusive situations he creates. He hides from those who want to help him and hurts those who love him the most. All for a drink to feed the addiction that drives the mind and everyone around him thru hell.
He is now in the 3rd stage of kidney disease and fatty liver... I cry myself to sleep every night. I feel his pain and tortured soul, spirit and body. My heart breakes for his pain that cannot set him free. He has been thru unconsinable, unimaginable things. Alcohol has taken his values, his business, lifestyle and his self respect, and I know someday before his time,it will take his life.
I am not a trained counselor as Paul Turner. He has many programs that can help you. He is a professional and has helped so many find sobriety. Won't you give him a call?????
I hope u can talk to UR doc and ask for meds that will help block the brains demands for alcohol. U r undeniably at the beckon call of addiction. That addiction has the power to kill you. I don't want to see another life lost. It breaks my heart knowing the struggles you have faced through UR journey with alcohol. No one ever wants to feel that kind of pain ...EVER! PLZ feel free To ck with UR doc about the many medications that can help u thru the tough times and Break those thoughts of cravings. Call Paul or any counselor. Their experience may open the doors u need. They have heard and seen it all. It won't hurt to just talk. Sometimes that talk helps give peace for reconciliation with our selves & the power of those who give their lives and devotion to help those who are caught up in addiction. At the very least maybe a clear and precise vision for a plan to give u the peace from alcohol u deserve could be realized!
As you have said UR clean and sober for a few weeks that's a big deal and as u have demonstrated the devil - the addiction - the brain -the alcohol that powers the Neuro transmitters - that control to the feel good pattern of cravings , which begin to chip away at u, until u give in.
I'm sure u are aware that there are many medications designed to reduce the temptation demands in the brain that drives the Neuro transmitters & are redirected, making it just a little easier to avoid a slip. Many people have found these drugs to be a life savor. UR doc can best direct u. He knows UR history and I would be willing to guess that u have a lot of anxiety.
Larry I would also be willing to bet that it's the anxiety u have which is the motor that drives the addiction. Meds that can help with anxiety are extremely helpful. In today's world with all the pressures and stress everyone has some anxiety. Others may have additional issues with seratonin levels in the brain that drives the anxiety which create anxiety attacks and panic attacks. This is generally a chemical imbalance in the brain. Most alcoholics use alcohol to self medicate. This in turn is feeding the constant cravings for the disease while alcohol has calmed the anxiety which created the beast and the madness all at the same time.
I do care about u maintaining sobriety. I am genuinely concerned .I want to be here for u and I know Paul Turner or a specialist in addiction can help give u UR life back.
All u need to do is ASK....
The day the alcoholic realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes aware that they can be forgiven, he finds sobriety and becomes an adult with acceptance of his own imperfections, the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise and becomes his own best friend.
HOPE4CURE