How can I get myself well.

Posted , 5 users are following.

I have had depression for a long time now. I know I am my own worst enemy. I want to get myself well. I have had a fair few overdoses now and quite a lot of self harm. I have been briefly spoken to mental health teams in A+E when I have done things. I have always convinced them I am ok to go home. I dont trust them. I have had a few things take my trust away. I want help but just today I have pushed the enhanced mental health team away. I have just got myself discharged. I am not on meds and I now don't have a GP as I have deregistered from them too. I can't stop pushing people away due to fear of them. How do I get past this? I don't want to end up in a psychiatric hospital but have a few times been threatened with it.

Im scared and don't know where to turn that is safe.

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25 Replies

  • Posted

    Dear Maybeoneday

    Love your name but instead  of Maybe you could put in something positive like “Soon”

    I have been clean and sober for 11years now. My depression and anxiety are calmed way down...An antidepressant helped me greatly.

    I’m in the process of writing a book regarding my life. I have a publisher and I’m three fourths through it.

    I too had the kind of fears you had and developed several phobias from isolating myself. I believe that is the worst thing an individual who has depression can do.  When alone we get caught up in fabricating fears of all kinds.

    Getting out of the house is paramount!

    I used to be scared that I would end up in a psychiatric hospital as well! You know what happened? I’ve been in at least five different psychiatric facilities and actually was no big deal! I too have overdosed two times accidentally. In my twenties I developed all kinds of fears.. I was afraid of being afraid! I was the Rose Festival Princess at 18 years of age and spoke in front of 10,000 people. In College I was the student commencement speaker. Why am I telling you this? Certainly not to toot my own horn but to demonstrate how quickly a person can change when they get depressed and isolate. At age 24 I started getting depressed when we moved to a podunk town

    I stayed indoors and rarely got out.

    All of a sudden FEAR appeared in my life and it was all consuming...I didn’t want to take any antidepressants because they scared me. After a year of struggling with all of this I finally gave in and unfortunately didn’t take an antidepressant but took Ativan (One of many anti anxiety drugs) By the time I was 29 I was taking 8 two mil tablets at one time ...I went into a psychiatric hospital to get clean because my insurance didn’t pay for just drug treatment. I actually got my life back in this hospital making all kinds of new friends. However the withdrawals were horrendous. I’ve been on every drug you can think of and never felt the kind of physical and emotional withdrawals as I did with Ativan

    When I got home I threw away the rest of my pills and my new life free of fear had just begun. This is something you need to grab onto... I went for 10 years with only one recollection of feeling fear and that’s when I was up for a big career position in Public Speaking proving  to 10 individuals I could have the job as a speaker.

    With all this being said I just want to leave you hope and something to hold on to. Hope is the great healer!

    Antidepressant supplements are so necessary for many people like myself.

    So Soonsomeday you have a future and a hope...Get out of that house...Maybe check into outpatient treatment for people with anxiety and depression 


    Because I care


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    • Posted

      I wish it would pass. I really do t know how to trust them. I have had my trust compromised from 3 different people in the mental health team and one from the gp. None of them were to do with safeguarding.

      I cannot do medications unless I research them and buy online as I do not have a medical GP anymore due to me deregistering from major confidentiality distrust.

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    • Posted

      Oh Maybesomeday

      I had something like that happen to me. My psychiatrist that I had been seeing for ten years (and completely trusted)

      Told me out of the blue he was in love with me and had been for years...It’s a long story but to get back to the issue 

      I believe you need to be on medication if you have to step out and trust do it!!!!

      For yourself 🌟

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  • Posted

    For one thing your self harming yourself which means you need serious help. You are sending the people away that can help you most. There is no reason to not trust them when you can't trust yourself. You should go to them

    voluntarily or you might become in voluntary which you never want. Then you have no control over your life or

    damaging medications. Also they might lock you up in the mental ward for a long time. I've been there done that.

    Trust me you want to stay in charge of your own life. Ask for help self harm is very dangerous and can lead to

    death. Don't screw with it. I overdoed and my heart stopped and I ended up in ICU in a coma for X3 weeks. That

    almost was the last of me...I was lucky a doctor found me and did CPR. I've struggled with life ever since but glad to be alive. You have to trust someone in life. These people are there to help you stay alive and have a better quality of life weather that means taking medications or a one on one visit or groups or what ever works

    for you. Just be honest and cooperate with them. If you keep harming yourself and overdoesing your going to

    die or end up in the mental ward and be involuntary patient which sucks. That's the reality'of it. Stop shutting

    the help out of your life, that's all you have to become well again. And you will become well again, I know it

    doesn't seem like that now, but it just takes a little time and talking to one of the counselors a few times.

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    • Posted


      That was a rather scary response to maybesomeday! I live in the Northwest and can’t think of one mental hospital where you’re locked up for mental illnesses! We used to have one 20 years ago called Damish but they closed down.

      We live in a totally different treatment for mental illnesses. Now in order to get into a psychiatric hospital you need to be a danger to yourself or others. Which as you said Cindy... cutting yourself is quite destructive... it’s just one persons choice of what they can do to numb themselves.

      Even when getting into a psychiatric facility they don’t keep you long usually 1-3 days!

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    • Posted


      Over the last X16 years I've been locked up many times in the hospital X2 times for X2 years at a time

      So I dam well know by now what I'm talking about.When they make you involuntary they can do what

      ever they want to in Canada anyway. I'm telling her the truth which she should her. I'm not going to

      candy coat this...she is harming herself badly she stated and I dont want her to go through what I've indured even by accident'. She has a chance to get help on her own voluntary. Obiously you've never

      been through what I have and it really sucks. It's not scary it's the truth, they will do what ever it takes to save you, that's there job. At least it's help of some sort and they listen to you. I to was scared of them and fought them which is why I was made involuntary. It doesn't have to be that way with her.

      I had no one to talk to or get advice like this column with all you guys back then. I also refused the

      medications that in time have helped me. Fighting these people ruined many years of my life. I'm a very honest person and think every one reaching out for help should know the truth no matter how

      harsh it might sound to you. Believe me these hospitals exist in every city. Every hospital has a

      physiocrat ward and you can be there for months. You can enter from ambulance or walk in the

      emergency ward or ordered from your MD by a warrant B and the police pick you up and take you involuntary which you don't want. Not trying to scare anyone but these are the facts. Also this page is monitored by Doctors so you need to watch what you say as far as harming, they will intercede.Hope

      this enlightens everyone to sum of the facts. I've been through it all over the years.


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    • Posted

      Hi Cindy

      OK I didn’t realize you lived in and your whole psychiatric hospitals are run differently than at least in the Northwest and California 

      I’m sorry I offended you with all you’ve been through. I, too have been locked up in numerous psychiatric wards bit even my last lock up 20 years ago they just didn’t keep residents more than 10 days.  Here in the states our system such as hospitals with psychiatric wards usually don’t keep people locked up for more than a few days in more. Difficult  cases they send individuals to live in halfway houses under close supervision.

      Again I’m sorry I jumped on to conclusions I didn’t realize Canada had lock up  facilities for 2years! You have gone through a lot and I don’t ever want to take that part of your journey and not validate it!

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    • Posted

      Thank you to your insight I really do not want to go in hospital. The team know I self harm and have felt ok discharging me.

      As for the CPR before I left my GP I requested and signed a DNR form (Do Not Resuscitate) and keep it with me Along with a chain I wear all the time.

      It's not as easy saying stop shutting the help out. I want it but the lies and the broken cofidentiality from the professionals has broken me inside.

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    • Posted

      Hi Prodigious,

      What are you thanking me for and what is all the stars for ?

      I didn't do anything to deserve stars. I did notice however you and I 

      do alot of comenting....Cindy


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    • Posted


      Sorry...I have brain damage and sometimes just plain don't understand.

      I still don't know what your talking about. Please explain. I know I'm not

      a star by any means. I'm just trying to help people just like you are. I have

      trouble explaining myself in proper form cause of it.

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    • Posted

      I read your comments and don’t agree with all of them but you just keep giving and giving! That’s why you’re a star 💫 because you care for every single person you send comments to!

      It takes a great effort on your part to write as you do and I admire you💫

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    • Posted

      I might not agree with all your comments either, but that's not the point of this page. We are all  just offering our own opinion. If we all said the same thing there wouldn't be much to go bye. Like I said some of the things I do say aren't quite  what I have in mind. I do my best to get it out right. The brain damage is severe when it comes to my writing, Focus,comunication skills, but I haved through alot of trama in my life and want to help anyone I can. You might find me a little hard spoken at times cause I was in law enforcement I saw it all and dealt with trama every day until it happened to me. Some people are desperate for help and mean what they say and you half to act fast and get them the help they need before its to late. I have saved lives in the jail even cause they were desperate not to face a judge over just a petty theft. Believe it or not we might be their only life line cause they don't trust anyone.Alot of people won't call the crisis line cause they can trace the call and send the cops for help. I'm a retired officer cause of injury not by choice. 

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    • Posted

      Cindy I have great respect for you and it’s not only because you were in law enforcement (Which is huge in my book) But because of all the times you just keep on fighting...Fighting for your health and accepting your injuries.

      HA I gotcha now! I know where you’re coming from! Of course you’re going to lay it on the line.. you’ve done just that throughout your career!

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    • Posted

      Thankyou, I do believe I've found a new friend. To be honest with you I also was in the Military Police many years ago and I thought I wouldn't survive that. Women weren't welcome in the army let alone the Police. But really the hardest thing has been leaving my ex and what he did to me and losing everything I owned and my mental health. It's been X16 years since I've worked and that meant everything to me. My cop friends disowned me and thought I was crazy. I tried suicide twice and did succeed both times but was brought back to life.I was harassed for years and still live with the death threats. I no longer look over my shoulder anymore. What ever happens just happens. I am beyond fear now. For the last four years I've been going to church and know theres a better life ahead and that gives me a reason to keep going and not fear death. You seem to know alot also mind if I ask your age?..cindy

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    • Posted

      God is everything to me. He has done 4 MAJOR miracles in my life. The Lord has set me free from fear as well.

      What you said is critically important to our mental health and that is “Whatever happens,happens”

      Acceptance is paramount to our well being.

      You are such a special person!

      I’m not going to contribute on these differing forums anymore  as it seems my pain has quadrupled since starting on these two subject matters  over a month ago.

      God be with you Cindy...

      Woke up this morning and my entire body is throbbing in pain.

      You’re a wonderful contributor! Keep it up💫

      With great respect 


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    • Posted


      Don't leave us...your a great contributer to this forum. Just be careful to which ones you reply to and how often so it doesn't jeopardize your health in anyway. Your a God fearing person and needed. Not enough of us around anymore to truly help people. I think its Gods will that brought you and I to this site a month ago to help out. You are greatly appreciated.

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