How can I tell if I am alive or dead?

Posted , 29 users are following.

Its occured to me that I might be dead and not realise it. I committed suicide a little over two months ago but recall coming round in hospital, but now I am not so sure? I have been off work for four months due to a serious heart problem, I live on my own and apart from seeing neighbours, I live now in total isolation. Thing is, since that day, I am feeling worst and worst, I e-mailed my cardiologist about my heart, yet recieved no reply, before my ablation they were in constant contact. I feel so ill and wrong inside, I now feel drunker and drunker every day, this feeling started when they put me on beta-blockers, but I have been off them for nearly three months now. I think I saw my GP last Thursday, he said he will contact my cardiologist to bring my appointment forward, but apart from that, he didnt really say much so I am thinking maybe I imagined it? or maybe he didnt even know I was there?  

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27 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Peter, your definitely alive, you didn't commit suicide, my guess is you suffering from depression, either way you need to see your GP and explain what your experiencing and enquire about your cardiologist appointment. 

    Try and get out more even if it's for a short walk, say hello to people just get some fresh air.

    Good luck Neil 

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    • Posted

      Cheers Neil. I think the NHS is a bit too streched these days, my next appointment with Caridologists is December, even though from my MRI scan they think I have something that people just suddenly drop dead from. As for the mental side of things, following my suicide attempt I was reffered but that was 9 weeks ago and I still havnt heard back from them.


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    • Posted

      Hi Peter, you really need to chase things up, 9 weeks is a ridiculous amount of time to wait esoecially as your vulnerable. Don't be afraid to be assertive with them. 

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  • Posted

    You're alive that's why you can post. Peter sounds to me like you think you're imagining everything and you say you feel drunk. That's weird beta blockers shouldn't be causing that. Have you gone to the Doctor so they can check there's a thing that causes people to feel drunk I think it was something about your body producing so much yeast therefore you have the effects of a drunk person. Go check that out and your heart. Hope you figure it all out. smile

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    • Posted

      As soon as I started taking beta-blockers. I was telling people that they were making me feel "like a drunk zombie", my hospital report however stated that I had an alergic reaction to them, they just say they should be out of my system by now. I am wondering if I have pericarditus following the ablation as my ECG shows massive T waves and a dullness of the mind is a symptom. 

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    • Posted

      Peter, tell your Doctor you may have Pericarditis because the ablation you suffered might have caused it and tell him about your ECG. Don't procrastinate go to the Doctor and check that out it's your health. Hope everything turns out fine. smile

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  • Posted

    Hi peter01729 I am feeling very sad about you and your condition. in my view you should seek counseling from any psychiatrist. Hoping you will recover soon. My prayers are with you.
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  • Posted

    Peter I hope things are better for you.  I live in the US and have a feeling that I'm dead or in an "alternate reality".  I have noticed small differences in my environment.  I am either dead or have a serious mental disorder.  Many things have pointed to this fact.  But I still have blood pressure and alive.  But I still can't shake the feeling that I am dead.  Lets stay in touch and see what happens next.

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    • Posted

      Hello Jeffrey, Sorry to hear you are feeling the same, any idea what brought yours on?

      As for me, I am still off work and still have the detached reality feeling, brain fog. I still have a vomit inducing cough I caught back in March from the very day I started taking a different beta-blocker, thing is, the NHS wont acknowledge the possibility that Beta-Blockers have permanently damaged me, my own feeling is that they damaged my Autonomic Nervous system as all the automatically regulated functions of my body now seem wrong. My heart beat ranges from 47 to 157 doing the same nothing, my breathing is wrong so oxygen levels range between 99% and 84%. I no longer feel hunger or thirst. etc. I go to my doctor with a whole list of problems but they only ever address one of them to placate me instead of finding the route cause that would account for all.

      Yesterday for instance, I saw a different GP for a sick note and she sent for for yet another chest X-Ray re the cough. 

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  • Posted

    Hello friend, I fully empathise with your situation, two years ago (in this reality's timeline ) I overdosed on drugs and died, I am running out of time to confess my wrongs and if I do not manage to cover all of them I will end up in hell, just to clarify, I am not  a religious man but I do believe you go where you think you belong, but it is nice to know there are others who struggle with the same thing I am experiencing, unless I am actually dead and then I'm just talking to an aspect of myself I have created to delude myself that there is a chance I am actually alive and I'm just mentally ill

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  • Edited

    I know how you feel. I tried to kill myself about 10 years ago. I woke up from a drug overdose and a plastic bag over my head on the floor where i went to sleep after drinking the pills. To this day I am not sure if I actually died or not. No one knows what I did. This is the first time im talking about it too. 

    I have seen too many movies.

    Get this...

    If there are multiple realities, there may be a realm out there where I am a billionaire. There might be a reality where I came to the realization that there is a reality where I am a billionaire. A reality where I thought about why there is a me that is a billionaire. What is different between me and the other me. Life choices would be the answer. It would not be personality, because then it wouldnt be me. I am sure, if there are other me's out there, that one of them would be a millionaire. I am sure too that there is a me that realized all of the above and decided to make some life choice changes and became a millionaire. 

    Point is, if I want to, I can be a millionaire with a few life choice changes. 

    I know it is possible because the other me could do it.

    This is were things get freaky.

    I the real me. The me here and now. If I were to make those changes, then I will be the other me. The one who is a millionaire. Not the me just scraping by.

    So I can become a different me just with a few simple choice changes. I can become the alternate me. The one the me now is not. I dont know if I am getting my point across. 

    We do not need special machines or technology to jump to a different realm. 

    All it takes is a simple choice. Turn left. not right. and there you are now a different you. 

    Think about how many you's there are. all the choices you have made till now. 

    Now to jump to a different you that made different choices in the past, putting you at a different present, that is a different story. 

    But you have the power to jump to a different you that took the same choices till now. 

    So, whats with the story?

    What has this got to do with me being dead?

    Well, what is reality?

    If reality is so easy to change.

    All it takes is a choice. 

    Then I am sure there is a reality where I am dead but I didnt realize it yet. 

    Whats to say that is not me now? 

    I now understand that anything is possible. 

    Even that I may be dead and not even know it. 

    What would make a lot of sense is that I am dreaming right now. Still 18 years old lying on the ground in my parents house with a bag over my head.

    I am busy dying right now. 

    The pills are in me. 

    This is not real. 

    A reality where anything can change so drastically from just a thought has a higher chance of not being real. 

    The case that I am actually dead is much stronger than that where I am alive in a world where I can just jump between realms with just a thought. 

    Yes. I think I am dead. Or dying. 

    I think If I was dead it would be pretty hard to prove that I am alive. 

    Its like a robot trying to prove that it is a human. Easy. 

    You dont have a living body.

    You do not have a human mother.

    You are a robot.

    It will not be easy to convince anyone that the robot is a human.

    Because it is not.

    It is not easy to convince anyone that they are alive, because they are not. 

    We are all dead. 

    Well at least I am anyway. 

    Peter. I am sorry, but I can not tell you you are alive. 

    The evidence is pointing to the fact that you are not alive. 

    Yes, a doctor can prove that I am alive in this realm. The me in this realm is alive. But this realm is nothing. Just a single right turn and this realm is no more. 

    I am sorry. 

    Maybe that is not what you wanted to hear. 

    But you know what. 

    I am pretty happy to be here.

    The world is my oyster. 

    I can make my own future. 

    Even if I am dead.

    Maybe only because I am dead. 

    I am happy to be dead then. 

    I can do anything I want. 

    I can be anything I want. 

    Yes, I can be a doctor. I can be an astronaut. I can be a hobo. I can be a father. I can be a drug addict. I can be a millionaire. I can be a teacher. or a student. 

    My advice to you Peter, if you have made it this far.

    Think about all the other you's out there. 

    There are many.

    But dont think of the you;s that made different choices in the past. 

    Think of the you that made all the same choices until now, but still became an astronaut. 

    You can be that you if you want. 

    What do you want?

    Think of all the other realities.

    Which reality do you want to go to. 

    Then make the choice to be that you. 

    You can do it because you have already done it.

    I am pretty sure you are dead. Just like me. 

    Because I dont remember the world being so open to choices. 

    There is no more path laid out for you anymore. 

    When you died, anything became possible. 

    In the real world that is not possible. 

    Well, that is what I remember the world being like before I died.

    It may be a false memory though. 

    Can you remember the world before you died?

    Does it really matter if you cant?

    I was young when I died.

    So I really dont know what I am missing out on. 

    But this place that im in now, where ever it is, its pretty cool. 

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    • Posted

      Thank you. I reach out my hand to you, impossibly. And yet, I say thank you, and be well. Be well. Live, and enjoy life, and find a good thing. I am eating an apple now, and drinking good water, and am not on drugs, except for coffee. Surrounded by people, murmuring, echoing. Everything is going to be ok. I am alive right now. I am me, at least. Be well.

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