HOW do you leave an alcoholic spouse?

It's very difficult Emma, that's for sure. I don't have kids, although I've been married along time.

Finance is always a big issue and I suspect if it wasn't, many relationships would have broken up a long time ago.

There are people on here that have been in relationships and have children, and if you regularly keep an eye on your thread, some of these will reply, unfortunately unlikely to be before your husband wakes up.

Just out of interest...why should you leave? I'd wait until he wakes and ask him to go and stay with his brother for a while. After all..You both agreed it shouldn't happen again and it has. I'm sure he loves the children and wouldn't want them uprooted. Harden your heart And ask him to go...It is for everyone's benefit in the end. Good luck xx

I am 65 -married 46 years - I should have left 20 years ago, alcoholic only, no drugs, but have now worked up to vodka straight for breakfast.   I am as trapped now at my age, as you feel with young kids, only you have youth & health on your side. I, unfortunately have heart conditions (12 stents) mobility issues, and have had a stroke. No surprise, as so much stress.  My own grown adult kids, with children of their own, do not understand why I am still with this man, who is verbally mean to me, and doesnt support me emotionally- 2 weeks in hospital after a recent heart attack/surgery- and he came once, couldnt stay sober enough to visit.

So, in answer to your question, leave sooner rather than keep on keeping on , hoping for change that will never come.

Can I also just say, before too many pile in with the advice of, leave the loser, you are better off without them.

Many people still love their partner, and are looking for a solution to put it right, they already know what the 'nuclear' option is.

And don't forget, there are children involved, as in many disputes and I am sure they prefer an amicable solution where they don't become children of a one parent family.

Before anyone says it, I am not avocating putting up with things for the sake of the children, but that the solutions are more complex and not knee jerk.

This is really difficult.  And its really bad to make "threats" and not stick to them because then he knows that you are not going to do anything.

​I recently told b/f that he would have to move if he didn't stop drug use because I am working on staying sober.  I actually gave him a date...and I know that if he doesn't do what is good for him and us....I HAVE to follow thru.  I DID go to the courthouse last week and show him papers for him to know that I am serious.  I also did leave a relationship of 22 years....WITH KIDS. 

​But, i did what lorna suggested witht he 22 year relationship because of the kids.  I asked HIM to leave and he did.  In the US they have "restraining" orders...you go to the court and say he is a danger to himself, you and your children and he will be removed from the house if he doesn't go on his own.  It is a real hard thing to follow thru with...but it would be the best for your situation.  Do you have something like that the courts will do for you in the UK? 

​If not...I would tell him you are going to get his family involved TODAY and DO IT....ask him to go to his brothers as suggested and if he refuses...start making calls in front of him.

​As far as the kids..They know there is drama in the house  believe it or not...my kids told me years after leaving their Dad they wish I had done it when they were younger so they didn't have to SEE and HEAR things that they did.  You have to stick to your "guns" and your "word" about doing something this time.  You really do or  you are hurting yourself and your kids.

What would give him the bigger wake up call I wonder? To come round from this or a future drunken spell and find you and the kids gone. Or to come home from a future bender and find the locks changed. I wish you well whatever you decide

U can leave and stay at a safe house with your children, they is a charity for domestic abuse called, refuge, its free to stay and u get a lot of support, cheers

Hi there. I really empathise with your situation and feel for you. I think the first step to take is to talk to his family and tell them what you intend to do as it's making you ill after so many years and not a good environment for your children to grow up in. They will understand. I agree with lorna in that he should go if he carries on. Not you or your kids. 

Next I would tell him that unless he shows willingness to try and get better then he will have to leave. You, or one of his brothers, should go with him to the doctors and find a solution to help him get better. Whether it be medication now available( naltrexone, nalmephene or campral). He will need a detox and/or rehab. You have to make it very clear that you want him to get well but if he doesn't want to then HE will have to leave.

I wish you well and hope that you and your family find peace and happiness xx

Earthmama, there may be another way out for him (and you), if he can't seem to stick to abstinence. Especially if he tries and each relapse gets worse than the one before.

Thank you so much everyone for all your replies! Well, in the end I couldn't get my stuff together and get out of the house before he woke. After a long heated debate, he left. Unfortunately, as I guessed he would, he came back that evening to talk. That's the reason I wanted to leave- I knew I could avoid him for a couple days if I left. When he showed up to apologise last night, I caved in and let him stay. I knew I would. Next time hopefully I'll be better prepared to leave in a hurry!

I have to say that, thankfully, there is no domestic violence in our relationship, even when he's drinking. My biggest concern is his behaviour can be very reckless when he drinks. He would sometimes drive drunk, leave cannabis out in plain view of the children, keep the kids up all night by shouting to no one in particular, etc.

Last night he explained to the children that he has a drink problem, which I am grateful for. A big part of the reason I never approached the subject with them is that I thought I'd never hear the end of it from him. But, obviously kids pick up on these things and I think they're better off knowing the truth (well, the Disney version of it anyway) than the just the bits and pieces they are hearing flying around in arguments.

Thanks again to everyone who replied!