How stupid am I

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I have recently had 2 take time of work again because i am strugling big time. Leadin up 2 this i tried 2 explain some stuf and how im feelin 2 my boss but it fell on deaf ears and they just laughed i tried everything even confined in her a little still not work so i had 2 give in and take time of. Since i have gone back this last week she has been treatin and talkin 2 me like s*** she is constantly knockin me down and makin me feel so weak and pathetic and not fit or able 2 do my job. I am supost 2 b part of management but i have been totaly pushed out of this. Now i feel so bad and stupid 4 saying anything now because i feel im just been juged and labled aweak and pathetic worthless idiot that is not even able 2 cope with day 2 day things. I get the feelin something has been said because other members of staff has changed towards me. Y am i so stupid ycouldnt i just keep my big mouth shut and cope?. :cry: :cry: :cry:

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  • Posted

    Hi Shadow,

    You are a much bigger person than them opening up and telling your boss how you feel...... you are the stronger one for doing this!!!!! If you are doing your job right she shouldn't be having a go at you as the treatment is all wrong!!!!! The staff shouldn't have been told anything as surely this is staff confidentiality and so they are victimizing you!!!!! every one goes through life with some form of depression as we are human and we have feelings, the only downside is that some are more sensitive than others!!!! Hold your head up high lass ( I am right I hope) and think of them sat on the loo or something as when I feel down or something and someone is annoying me thats what I do and it kinda makes you feel better :lol: I have had many things thrown to me in my life and people like this are not worth the poo you can step in outside as they say so ignore their childish play ground banter as they are just children at the end of the day and as the saying goes \"what goes around\" They may feel at a low eb one day and then they may even have the cheek to ask how do you get through it? ...... Take one day at a time, think of al the good things around you and give your self a goal to achieve and get rid of negative issues in your life (I got rid of my ex as he was sleeping around and battering my head......best decision yet!!) and then a new road will follow....... I stuck with my ex for nearly fifteen years on and off as I thought I couldn't get no-one else as he made me feel like I was pathetic and stupid, but then I thought to myself I cannot go on like this and I thought I will be 40 in nine years time!!!!! and so i kicked him out \"mothers day\" and you know what he had the cheek to say to me \" It hurt when you said you didn't love me anymore\" I thought what did he expect? for me to be a punch bag and an emotional wreck for the rest of my life, I think not!!!!!! smile and so now I am with a loving husband and I am happier now, the only thing is now I have health issues that can make me feel quite low, but I can except that now as I get fed up due to the pain, not someone trying to bring ME down!!!!!!

    Keep smiling pet and you will get through this xxxxx

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  • Posted

    Hi there Shadow

    Just had to reply to your letter because it made me so darn cross :evil:

    It is not you that is stupid ..... it is the OTHERS!

    For heaven's sake what planet are they on?

    Their lack of understanding is pure ignorance. As SES rightly says any one of them might find themselves in a similar situation one day.

    Be strong ...... don't let them get the better of you ..... you can and will, get through this.

    Take care

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  • Posted

    Thank u both of u and i agree with wot u r sayin but i am finding it so hard 2 cope at the moment idont meen 2 b a pesamist or week no hoper but im not seeing a way out icant make any1 c things my way and because of the way they are making me feel i am2 frightend 2 say any more. Im being acussed of constantly being in a mood and under so much pressure at work and still they pile it on and i am workin like an idiot while others just standing around and nothin being said. I dont c a way out at the moment i cant afford 2 leave the job im not able 2 take time of am the only 1 in the kitchen iv asked 4 help they say y u can do it My work load is getting out of hand but all they can c is pound sighns. On averidge at the moment i am doing about 72 hours a week and being treated like s*** and no respect wot so ever and constantly having 2 sort out or cover other slack lazy gits mistakes just so we dont look stupid as a team but w should i if i dont im getting the flack realy not happy at all :cry: Am that low everything getting 2 me and loosing intrest in everything and finding that long lonly dark road 2 easily and finding it attractive im living in fear of myself i cant afford 2 feel like this i have my own buissiness 2 run but im lettin everything slip and i cant stop it. Nobody is listening helpin or there 2 suport me. When i told them about my depression and a little of how i was feeling i thought i was being fair and putting them in the picture and was hoping 4 a little understanding and help how wrong can u b it gone the total opposite way and now using it against me how stupid and foolish do i feel am so angry and let down have 2 go gettin wound up talkin about things sorry 4 goin on so much but thank u if u took the time 2 read this.
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  • Posted

    Hi Shadow,

    72 hours a week is not good for anyone, whether they are he-man or superman no-one can work this amount of hours and feel what you call normal!!!! sleep deprivation can be a result to your anxiety as everything is not as it would be, and so you may feel more touchy than you would in a normal situation, I would sit back and think of how you can change your situation and then focus on good things (if you can) making sure that you are not over doing things as you are going to end up burning a candle at both ends as the saying goes if you do not try and sort this out!!!! once you get the working hours in order (as the present ones are against the Law) then you may be able to even focus better having some social time rather than continuously working xx

    I do hope this helps x and I do hope you start to feel better in yourself soon xx

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  • Posted

    Hi Shadow,

    I agree with Ses and Katie,

    These people are ignorant! They prey on people who are at a low ebb coz it makes them feel important. And it hides their own insecurities. The sheep that follow are just as bad coz none of the have the gonads they were born with!!!

    You keep a tight hold of the knot in that rope and don`t let go. This will pass and u WILL get back on track. And as u do, ur strength will return also. And see when it does my darlin....u let those f`ers have it right between the eyes.

    Honestly, people like that make me sick to the pit of my stomach. They have the attitude that nothing like that will ever happen to them, they think they are invincible! Wrong! Emotional health problems do not discriminate!

    Do u think u would have the courage to go over her head to another manager? Coz what she is doing, apart from being cruel, is absolutely unprofessional and will not doubt breach her code of conduct. PLUS, ur confidentiality and rights. She sounds like a b*tch!!

    You keep ur head up and hold on tight. You are not stupid. You were looking for support from a person who was in the position to give u it and she didnt. SHAME ON HER!!!

    Take Care

    Lindy...x

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  • Posted

    I would love 2 go 2 the manager/owner above her but its a waste of time hes her partner, need i say any more im not a happy bunny hatin the way of life and not no wot way 2 turn she makin things so hard and unplesant 4 me and she lovin it. :cry:
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  • Posted

    Hi Shadow,

    I can see what a ruddy awful situation ur in.

    Does the company u work for have an HR Dept or union? Would this be an option for u?

    Ur in a situation where ur options may be limited. The obvious option is to leave. Which, particularly in this present financial climate, may bring its own problems - lack of funds etc, which has a snowball effect on other aspects of ur life. Do u have a partner who earns that could support u for the time being? Many people would say why should u have to leave, and u ruddy well shouldn`t have to! But, if we`re being realistic, sometimes its the option ur forced into taking, especially if ur working in a small , close knit organisation (which u seem to be). My concern for u is, that if u stay in the situation ur presently in, getting no support and made to feel like sh*t, ur emotional health could deteriorate further. Im sure uve thought of this yourself.

    What about approaching Citizens Advice? Could they put u in touch with an independant person who may be able to take this further for u? I don`t know if they can, but it may be worth checking out.

    Keep a diary of events. Things that are said and done to discriminate against and harrass u. This may be helpful if u do get the opportunity to take this further.

    I so wish I could wave a magic wand and make them disappear or come up with a way to REALLY help u. Im very aware that Im sitting here typing these thoughts and suggestions to u - whilst ur at a very low ebb and may not feel able to undertake these things. Its very easy for people to make comments and suggestions from the outside isnt it, but its a very very different story when ur on the inside, and I truly appreciate that.

    Try and stay strong

    Take Care

    Lindy..x

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  • Posted

    Oh god no i dont have a partner or any1 2 help suport im sorry 2 respond this way but the thought of lettin any1 in or near me totaly terrifies me and 2 ask or let any1 help me well i cant go ther. I no wot u r saying and i totaly agree regardin the health issues it it already afecting me and i am droppin rappidly, but 2 leave (u c im so stubbon and very hard on myself and very low self esteam) i wood c that as they have won i have failed and let every1 down not worth anything and 2 weak 2 cope with every day life more than i already do. I dont think much of myself any way and am 1 of the first 2 critisize myself i cant help it im tryin not 2 but am strugglin this is the only way ive ever thought of myself and had so many people agreeing with me i just believe it. As 4 the CAB it my word against her and most of the staff as they frightend of loosing there jobs so wot hope hav i got. Sorry 2 b so negative but i dont have the energy 2 b anything more ifeel like i brought it all on myself noother 2 blame. :sorry:
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  • Posted

    Hi Shadow,

    I totally understand.

    Youve not brought this on yourself. Youve been trying to cope and plod along whilst your moods been getting lower, and instead of recognising that you need support, your boss has done the exact opposite. Piled on the work and made you feel a whole lot worse by her unprofessional behaviour.

    I don`t know what else to suggest to you, but Im here to \"listen\" ok. Sometimes getting worries off your chest helps a tiny bit.

    Take Care

    Lindy

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  • Posted

    HI Shadow,

    As the saying goes what goes around......... she will get her comeuppance somewhere along the line x and as for yourself, think of the good things that you do and reward yourself, is there no social friends that you can get with, If you are working 72 hours still Employment Law should be on your bosses case as they are unfit hours as already mentioned, hopefully she will be caught out, all it takes is say a DWP department like inland revenue noticing hours worked and then she will get probably fined????? just a thought but hey these nasty people will get their just deserts Shadow and then you can celebrate as you will probably the one supporting her in her hour of need. You sound such a lovely caring person and because of your kind nature these people are taking the mick, think about number one Shadow, think about your needs not theres!!!!!

    Take care and I hope things get easier xxxxx

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  • Posted

    Thank u so much 4 takin the time 2 reply and 4just listening 2 me moaning am sure u all got beter things 2 do. I do feel i dont deserve any bodys time and so i do apreciate u listening and just some1 2 talk 2 (u realy dont no how much). I realy am terrified of the next couple of months of wot might happen and how i am goin 2 cope ihave lost so many people close 2 me and played a large part in my life over xmas and new year. If im honest im lucky (if u can call it that) im still here, 2 years ago my besst friend of22 years comited suicide her mum blames me i feel so guilty 2 grieve so havnt, this is so painfull then this year i lost3 very close relatives i dont no how 2 deal with this. I no throwin myself into work (not that iv got much of a choice) is not the answer but i am terrified of slowin down and being able 2 think about wot iv lost (i probably sound like a right sad git sorry if i do). Iv not realy told many people about this and how im feelin dont realy do 2 much talkin only 2 my gp and my phycotherapist feel like im always moaning and people just tell me 2 shut up or lagh at me as they do at work but then is it my own fault 4 puttin on this act of always in control and coping. Where did i go wrong wot a fool. Thank u all again 4 being here.
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  • Posted

    Hi Shadow,

    No wonder you have been feeling the way you have, bless you hun xxxx You should discuss every thing with you psychotherapists as that is what they are there for xxxxx You are very young too and it is a lot to attend with. Please be open with the psychotherapist explain what you have written, or if you can't say it face to face how about printing the last message off or making a diary to how you feel xxxxx I am no doctor myself but I have very low times whilst I was my ex, an abusive husband, not the same situation as yourself but still I was at a very low eb and it took me a while to come to my senses!!!! I kicked him out on mothers day........ I had caught him in bed with someone, he used to put me down make me feel like I was two inches tall, always belittling me...... hit me etc etc and the best thing I did was to change the situation I was in and get rid of the cr*p in my life, and you know what that was the best thing ever!!!! Do not feel ashamed in any way of how you feel as you are human and at the moment with all your working you are on robot mode and you are not thinking about yourself, so do make the appointment with the psychotherapists and talk with him/her as a problem shared often helps us see things differently xxxxxx

    Take care pet and we are here for you too, xxx

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  • Posted

    I see my psych once a week sometimes twice, im not 1 for openin up and talkin of trust this is something im trying 2 change we r talking about changin the last 39 years the whole of life. Iv never had any 1 ther 4 me or long enough 2 build up a closeness was moved around alot when i was a child and as i got older left 2 it untill ther was a problem and wsa expected 2 sort it mostly lookin after my disabled dad while my mum and sister did ther thing. The only people i could trust or let any ware near me have now gone (i wish just any1 of them was here now god i miss them all its so painfull and a lonly place at the moment). :cry: I had an appointment with my psych 2day and ask how the hel do u emty your head and turn of, i cant do this at night so much buzzin around that much and that fast its a blur iv had 4 hours sleep in the last 3 days ijust not able 2 cope the tears keep fallin self harmmin constantly very touch and sensative and yesterday witnessed a very nasty and vilent person in myself and had visious thoughts and evil urges this terrified me. I told my pysch all this and so have 2 find a way of slowing right down. Im workin stupid hours and not gettin any help i have begged and asked but i just get shut up u can do it the truth is i cant i only get 1 day off at the mement and the work load is impossible and still they load it on ( im a head chef at a hotel my day starts at 5am and finnishes at anyware between 10pm and 12am straight through. Iam feelin so low and lost i realy dont no how i can deal with the next few weeks imgettin help from my gp and pysch but on the outside worled im totaly on my own and terrified how can i deal with theas feelins and cope i dont no wot im capable of or who i am any more. PLEASE HELP. :?: :cry: :cry: :cry:
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  • Posted

    hi shadow, ses and lindy

    Di here.. i have suffered from depression for many many years so i can understand how u are feeling shadow, i had to give up work a couple of years ago due to depression/fibromylagia, my boss was not happy but i got her back because one day she phoned and begged me to come in as they were short of staff( i was really poorly) and i said i couldnt she was bending over backwards to assist me but i sent in my notice the next day and never went back.. but i know in ur case thats not possible, i know its terrible she doesnt understand but dont let people treat u like that, if it comes to it tell her to her face that ur not happy with her attitude..

    i wish u well and u cant help being ill so dont let her bring u down anymore than she has xxx di xx

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  • Posted

    Hi Shadow,

    I do honestly think you need a break from this, have some \"me\" time go and see your sister perhaps, your boss definitely needs reporting as my abusive ex husband was a chef and I know for a fact that you are on your feet not like an office job....... you are burning a candle at both ends....... I know what it is like to look after sick people I lived with my grand parents and my grandad had gangereen and had his legs amputated and so we had to look after my grandad the only thing was it was care 24/7 and my nana bless her became sick herself and ended up in a coma as she had looked after him for 8 years, I was 16 when my grandad passed away...... and then I looked after my nana, she became very ill though and went into a home............. things can be so hard at certain times of your life though Shadow, it is good that you have explained to your Psychotherapist............ I would say you still need to write everything down and then your Psychotherapist can get a full picture of how you are feeling as then he may offer you more guidance and tell your work you need to rest more and then what can they say when you have medical back up, or on the other hand ..... look for another job!!!! as I would say this seems the better option as then you may find a new load of work colleagues to whom you may click with and then you may be able to have a social life as you are working sensible hours!!!!!!

    Anyway Shadow, I do hope things settle down for you xxxxxx

    Yeah Di, I had a bad patch of depression when i was with my ex partner he used to say I was fat and ugly and say thing like \" oh yeah you have life insurance \" oh theres a car coming lets push you\" and then he would stay out all night and more and likely sleep with my mates or other girls and it went on and on...... he used to hit me, embarrass me in front of his mates totally make me feel useless and think no-one else would be interested in me....... totally bully...... I lost my friends, I was paranoid....... an absolute nightmare. I even caught him in bed with this lass whom he was secretly seeing and writing too..... then my present partner started visiting as my ex played the guitar, I took a liking to him but hid it for years and then my present partner we got good friends and my confidence started to come back and then one day I thought I am getting rid of this bully and then I got my presents partners cousin to phone him and we started dating three days later and we now have a son and been together nearly five years....... I have my loving husband , I even got the prefect job in a bank but then I had to give it up........... due to my health isn't as good due to the OA and fibromyalgia!!!!!! but I got through that awful stage in my life....... I met my ex when I was 15 kicked him out when I was 31, best thing I did, only thing is I wasted my time with this bully and so wish I got with my partner sooner as I can't do the things I used to be able to!!!!!! On a good side, my ex is now lonely and is a alcoholic, his children do not want to see him, and the girl I caught him with he caught her in bed with someone else, so who's laughing now!!!! :lol: :lol:

    Sweet dreams and hugs to us all xxxx

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