Husband, COPD and quitting smoking

Posted , 10 users are following.

Hi, I have been reading messages on here off and on for quite some time and finally decided to joint today.

I keep trying to find an answer to this one question, but am not really finding any--though I think I know what the answer will be.

 My husband has had COPD for approx. 3 years, first they said it was asthma, then not long after, they said he had COPD.  It is getting worse as time progresses, and it's very hard to see his decline.  Here's the thing, he DOES still smoke--if anyone asks, even doctors, he says he is NOT smoking.  With me, when I bring up wishing he would quit and wondering how his health would be now, if he had quit when first diagnosed, he says something like, "I am not smoking cigarettes, I am smoking Cigarillos, and only take a few puffs at a time.  I know I should quit, but you (me) don't understand how hard it is, and the "Cigarillo's somehow make me feel better."  I have never had a smoking addiction, but I do see the strong hold it has on him.  

I want  him around for a long time to come, is there any way, I can "coax" him into quitting completely?  I am sure even those "few puffs" each day cannot be helping.  I wish I could "make" him stop, but I am sure you will all say I can't do that, that it has to come from him,  but it's so hard to see him suffer.

Some days, he will be having a hard time breathing, tell me just that, and then he goes out to have a cigarette, (well, as he would correct me, cigarillo), and I try to make that point when he comes in, obviously still having a hard time, but it's like the smoking has a stronger hold on him than anything.

Any ideas?

Thank you so much.

Deano52

0 likes, 37 replies

37 Replies

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  • Posted

    It is very difficult to watch someone harming themselves to the point of death, but there is really nothing anyone can do if the patients is not willing to help themselves.

    Maybe his saving grace will be when he is rushed to hospital because he cannot breathe, or his lung collapses, perhaps that will frighten him enough to realise he needs to refrain from cigarello or any other smoking, his lungs need all the help they can get, but its his choice in the end.

    There are certainly better ways to die.

    BLF helpline for you or your husband at any time you need further support.

    https://www.blf.org.uk/

    Many diagnosed with COPD do stop smoking, of course its difficult but its not impossible.

    A pulmonary rehabilitation programme may educate your husband more about what situations create an accelerated decline in lung function.  PR courses are by referral through your husbands GP or consultant, but again this is the patients choice to attend and even to apply the information learned in order patients can help themselves improve quality of life and to slow down the progress of the disease.

    I've known several diagnosed with COPD who never stopped smoking, and sadly they died sooner.  Continued smoking causes further lung damage, further lung damage results in more frequent lung infections, more lung infections result in more lung damage and a deterioration in lung function and breathing.

    If your husband shows any signs of wanting to help himself.  I would make an appointment for him to see his doctor you attend with him, and discuss the options about attending PR, giving up smoking, what help and support is available etc for both you and your husband.

    Best wishes  V

     

    • Posted

      Vee2, Hi, I talk about a recent hospital stay he had in a previous post, it didn't open his eyes like I wish it had. 

      He has been offered pulmonary rehab, but does not want to take advantage of it.  It's frustrating.

      Thanks, I am trying to get caught up on all the much-appreciated replies.

  • Posted

    Hi,

    How I sympathise with you! My husband (62) was officially diagnosed with COPD 4 years ago but he had asthma previously - perhaps COPD disguised? In the beginning he had an FEV of 73% and he continued smoking albeit only 4-5 a day. Several bouts of pneumonia and hospital admissions later he moved on to vaping and that has improved things slightly but we went to see a specialist last month and his FEV was 26%! He states he is not smoking but still has one a day. He is on most of the available drugs and inhalers but does not need oxygen YET!! Last January he was cycling 25 miles a day on his recumbent bike - he can't do one mile now. I am really worried and, dare I say it, fed up. I am now running our business on my own to all intents and purposes, we don't go on holiday any more and all our social activities have come to a halt as he either doesn't feel well enough or is frightened of catching something from someone outside! I hate to moan when I see that he is struggling so much but sometimes, selfishly, I feel I want to have a life too. Our boys have now left home and this is the time we should have been able to enjoy our lives - not be cooped up inside four walls.

    Has your husband been referred for pulmonary rehab? Mine is going for an assessment next week as he needs to try to improve his breathing with a view to having valve implants - he was referred for rehab at the start of this but did not think his condition was bad enough to benefit. It is now!! 

    Sorry, Deano, I have not been much help but you are not alone with your thoughts!

    • Posted

      Rose 6952, you have been a tremendous help.  Your story about echoes mine.  Mine husband is 64, was diagnosed approx. 4 years ago, and before that he was diagnosed with asthma at some point.   He is on oxygen 24/7, and his last couple FEV's have hovered between 28-30. He has them approx. every 3 months when he sees his pulmonologist.  I am very seldom able to get him out anymore, it's a pain for him to get his oxygen all packed up and make sure he has everything.  I do understand that, but what I don't understand is even though he won't take small jaunts to the store with me, even just for a ride, and just to sit in the car, he will still drive himself down to the gas station to get his cigarillos (always when I am not home).  He knows that I know this, but still kind of sneaky.  I do still work, (I am 10 years younger), but I only work 6 hours a day, and worry about him constantly. I think work is probably my saving grace, though some days I feel I should be home with him all the time.  He does get around the house just fine, gets dressed, gets meals for himself, does some small chores...which I do appreciate him doing.  Yep, he's afraid of catching things out in public, I am afraid of bringing things home to him (I work in a hospital as a receptionist in their surgical care center).  I did go on a wonderful vacation for a week last year with one of our son's.  I would love to go away this year, but I think I am too afraid to leave him home...he panics a lot when he feels like he can't breathe, esp. during the night.

      I used to walk/jog for exercise, haven't done that in months.  I know I need to do it for myself, but again, afraid to leave him home for long, esp. after the hospital episode, which I explained somewhere above, where I found him unresponsive one morning.

      So all this to say, thanks!  I appreciate everyone's caring and helpful words.

  • Posted

    Deano52 -- One of your keywords in the commentary was "coax".

    I don't pretend to know answers to any addiction other than to say there is a trigger in the brain that clicks in as soon as we are awake. Also, I have refrained from writing for several months because so many of the reports are distressing to read.

    My own remedy to quit smoking was instantaneous . . . either stop or have an early death within 2 years. Much still needed to be done in order to reach objectives. It is by no means certain that I shall after 54-pack years averaging 7 - 10 a day. In all probability I have reduced life expectancy by ~10 years. Those of us who smoked were complete idiots. (I might have some excuse inhaling asbestos particles in the 1950s but the remaining damage is of my own making.)

    I stand by previous remarks of staying active with daily exercise and, if possible, daily physical work. It is also important to remain underweight.

    Another important consideration is avoiding people, especially grandchildren during winter months. Until putting it into practice in October 2015, I was picking up colds followed by hospitilisation (twice) with life-threatening chest infections/bilateral pulmonary emboli. As a result I have not had any setbacks for 14 months.

    I urge anyone suffering the consequences of smoking to follow a strict regimen. The greatest reminder is to tell ourselves that much still needs to be done in life. I know of no greater encouragement to otherwise arrest progression of lung disease. It is this signal to the brain that seems to permanently switch off from the habit. 

    • Posted

      Hi David,   I may have mentioned it before, but my husband was also exposed to asbestos, plus fly ash, and other chemicals that he worked with, along with the smoking, unfortunately all that combined was probably quite an assault on his lungs.  There are a number of fellows that he worked with that now have lung cancer.  Of course no one will ever know for sure what caused it, but again, I am sure their work backgound didn't help.

       When he was growing up, it was "cool" to smoke--not so cool anymore.

      It's hard to go through this everyday, even for me.  Just recently I started thinking that I need to find a support group (a "real life" one, not just on the internet) for COPD family members/spouses or a support group for caregivers of family members with chronic illnesses. 

      Thanks for your reply.  And continue the wonderful work of NOT smoking!

    • Posted

      Hi David how are you? I have a question for you, I was wondering if you stop smoking do you get any lung capacity back at all? I had a cat scan and they found nodules in my lower lungs also emphysema so I was curious if I could breath a little better by quitting.. I'm starting to cough now allot. Thank you

    • Posted

      Hi Lori

      I breathed better after quitting. Hope the same happens for you.

    • Posted

      Thank you so much for answering me, my father and mother both passed from this, it's terrible neither one stopped smoking, so thank you again I'm just worried..

    • Posted

      Sorry to say this Lori, but no it just does not work that way. Have had COPD for some years now and I did finally manage to give up smoking. Once those little : air sacks" in your lungs blocked thats how they stay. Giving up helps and pulmanary rehab is the thing that will improve your breathing.

      I am also supprised that a known smoker is being supplied with home use oxygen.! I am sure that would never happen in australia. The fire/ explosion risk would also be taken into account.

    • Posted

      Lori -- Any answer that I give is very unscientific, and should not be regarded as a fixit for others. Perhaps some referral should also be directed to other written observations by me. To recap -

      I am not on any medication, although I did experiment for two months on a couple of treatments. Please bear several factors in mind as they can affect performance: Age 75 (male), ongoing daily physical activity, last 5-miler on 15 Jan; I avoid people, especially the two grandchildren during winter months; outside temperature all week has ranged from -6C to 4C, but the air has been dry throughout - no ill-effects from the cold air; last bronchial setback was Oct 2015, which was severe, and no colds since. Today was pick-and-shovel work, breaking up a tarred driveway for 6 hours. I continue to work full time with up to 50-60 hours pw during the summer months.

      Answering your question, I have certainly arrested the (emphysema) slide. I don't believe the symptoms have been reversed, but can say that lung function is quite improved after 5 - 10 miles every time it is undertaken. Be aware that each daily exercise routine is a fresh start each time. In other words there does not seem to be much carry-over from previous routines. It is therefore very different to the days when we were younger building up a reservoir of fitness and stamina.

      A scan on 22 October 2015 -- following bilateral pulmonary emboli -- showed a nodule in the left lung. Follow up in October 2016 found no trace of it. The bilateral PE was severe with 7 days in hospital and a course of antibiotics was prescribed. It enforced my decision to avoid spending time with the grandchildren indoors. I therefore recommend others take this step; COPD sufferers have an inherent weakness which makes them prone to chest infections for the remainder of their lives.

      In sum, I shall only be able to provide a concise picture after another two years of experimentation. The steps taken thus far appear to be satisfactory.

      I have not been anywhere near a cigarette for three years . . . and can not determine if you have kicked the habit at this point. I have heard that ex-smokers can present with a persistent cough for some time. All you can do is persevere with an improved diet, exercise regularly and avoid people. (The last-mentioned is easier said than done.) Because of our earlier bad habits we shall always more easily succumb to chest infections than the general population.

      NB > I shall always read everyone's findings in this quest with great interest.

    • Posted

      With all due respect, sometimes it does work that way. Much depends on age, pack-years, exercise level lifelong, level of disease, meds & response thereto.

      But as with EVERYTHING human, attitude & belief in treatment sometimes outweighs everything else, Robert.

      Lori & Robert: I didn't expect improved breathing, but I had faith in my then-pulmo & was willing to try meds & quitting cigs. I did breathe better ,,, for 4 years until I foolishly started smoking again. PFTs supported my claim. I quit for good 4 years later in '07 and again my breathing improved, as did my PFTs right up through the month before I had smoke inhalation from a small kitchen fire last spring. Have had a lot of problems since then but neither you, Robert, nor I can blame them on anyone's cigs. (BTW,

      I sure didn't expect to be able to sing 5 notes higher up the scale from quitting smoking, but it happened.)

      There's nothing guaranteed in this life. Lori asked a question. I answered truthfully. Robert, did you read the 2d sentence of my reply to Lori?

    • Posted

      I'm in my early '60s, started pack/day at 19.

    • Posted

      Hi.

      I was not trying to be smart, BUT your lungs only work better because of the pulmonary excecise programs. Once those air sacks in your lungs are destroyed, at the moment they cannot be regenerated. 

      However, the uper part of your lungs become stronger and that is the reason you can breath better.

      There is a great deal of research being done in this area at present using STEM CELLS , but this is in its very early stages.

      Like many things, there will eventually be , not so much a cure which seem hard to believe but maybe a way of limiting the effects that it causes.

      I again say, I am not medically trained BUT I have studied this desease for years in the vain hope of finding something that has been missed in my own treatment that could improve my experience and lifestyle.

      I will continue to do this and should I find things I think woud be of interest to those on this forum (AND OTHERS) I will post them.

      In the mean time we can only work with the things we know work and that seems to be the current Puffers and more importantly,

      Rehabilitation Pulmonary Excercise Programes to improve fitness and make your lungs work as best they can .

       

    • Posted

      Sorry Robert, you're wrong: I'm in the States and have no access to pulmonary rehab & exercises taught there unless my lungs get much much much worse. Have only started some online breathing exercises in the last year, LONG after I quit smoking.

      I hold a doctoral degree - not a medical doctorate - and was trained from birth by both parents in scientific thought, study, observation and research, well prepped for college & doctoral studies. Please do not tell me that you know what has happened with my lungs & breathing better than my doctors and I. Aside from that, being a woman I have paid close attention to my body all my life, just something we women have to do, waiting for periods, worrying about periods & pregnancy, worrying about the progression of pregnancy, etc.

      I'm so sorry to have burst your bubble of believing you know my body better than my docs & do.

    • Posted

      Thank you so much David for your reply, I was just diagnosed with it a month ago, I contacted internal shingles and it gave me pneumonia, I had really hard time trying to breath..I was sick for 4 months they did chest xrays and said my lungs were good and no change..then here we are 7 months later and diagnosed with nodules in my lower lung and scar tissue and emphysema but not knowing how much it has gotten to my lungs I'm getting ready to go to pulmonary specialist it's funny cause after the episode of shingles it felt like it destroyed my right lung and I'm 53 years old...Thank you for your time

    • Posted

      You have nnot burst my bubble at all .!!! I said from the onset that I was not medicaly qualified or did you miss that ?

      The other problem is that EVERY COUNTRY seems to be completely different in the way in which COPD is treated and also the facilities that are available for those that do have COPD.

      I have stated what is available in Australia and even hear we have differences from one State to another.

      You are stating what YOU have available in America. Can really see how that makes me wrong.

      And by the way I am qualified in a number of other fields, its just that I dont make a big deal of it.

      You have to work in the confines that is available to LOCATION as do I, and mine seems to have more faclities at this time.

      Please lets stop this and move on, no good can come of this and it will become nothing more than a slanging match. Sorry but not my thing.

      I do wish you well, hope you ultimately find the help and support you need.

      Regards  

    • Posted

      Its proven in UK and US, Canada, Australia da di da di da

      regular exercise and pulmonary rehabilitation help improve lung functioning - that is the patients ability to breathe easier, toned diaphragm muscles, chest, back ( the breathing apparatus) all support a better abled body to breathe and in turn helps slow down the progress of COPD.  

      In addition regular exercise strengthens all muscles legs, arms, torso which enhances the body's ability to increase and utilise the oxygen levels in the blood which in turn supply all the vital organs.  

      With regular exercise the lungs and heart work more efficienctly and effectively at doing their job which is, breathing, oxygenating the blood and supplying that oxygenated blood to all vital orans making a vital function for better health.

      Stopping smoke is merely a part of helping the body to achieve that and also to help prevent further lung function decline, further damage to lungs and health and to aid the breathing apparatus.

      Its a no brainer.

      These two things alone will help any lung patient.  It is proven many COPD patients still live and have benefitted from doing these two things, but likely those who have benefitted, did apply all that they learned on their pulmonary rehabilitation and lung education programme, this of course includes many other things about managing the condition, self preservation, healthy diet and lifestyle.

      Of course if any patient chooses to disregard anything recommended by their medical professionals that is their choice and it is at their own risk.  Doctors treat their individual patients accordingly, what is recommended for one patient may not be advisable to another but generally stopping smoking, pulmonary rehabilitation, regular exercise is recommended for all.

       

    • Posted

      In addition people do not have to walk 5-10 miles to achieve this, in fact many COPD could not achieve this, but they can achieve regular exercise at whatever level they are able.
    • Posted

      Thanks Vee2. You just confirmed what I have been saying all along , but perhaps in a different way. its the local facilities that vary and this is the thing that seems to have been misunderstood.

      Don't think this one needs any further comment. 

      Thanks Mate

    • Posted

      Thank you, Vee. As you said and I said, it is possible to improve to improve lung functioning!
    • Posted

      No Robert that is not what you said. Lori asked if one got back any lung capacity at all after quitting smoking. I replied that I breathed better after I quit and that I hoped the same would happen for her. You then stated a bunch of BS about how we could not possibly ever under any circumstances improve our lungs function/capacity/breathing, apparently even if we had only every smoked just one tiny puff of tobacco at age 40.

      When you call me a liar in that way and state that you know my health better than I do, I will call you out every time because I don't find that behavior supportive in any way.

      Yes, let's drop it.

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