Hyper awareness to my existence

Hi I'm experiencing this right now and I feel so awful. How are you feeling now? I just want it to pass.

I cant tell you how happy I am to have found your post and all these comments of people who also have felt the same way. I have tried to find out what this is and more about it for so many years but it's been so hard since I have such a hard time explaining it. Its been happening since as long as I can remember. I was so little thinking that I just felt a little sick but as I got older, I realized I wasn't sick. It was this feeling, this hyper awareness like you said. It has always hit me out of nowhere, like a brick. I feel so scared because I become so aware that I am alive. That I am me, in my body, in my mind. And everything I have done or said or seen in my life is all real. It hits me so bad that it consumes my brain and I feel so helpless because I don't know what to do or what it is or if anyone understands me. It makes me just want to die. Afraid of living like you said. Over the years I've found that being distracted helps keep it at bay and if I'm not distracted, It jumps at me. It sucks. Also, when I take showers it also hits really bad and I have no idea why. I try to tell myself to not let it win, to not think about it, but it's so overwhelming and strong. Maybe stronger than me. I get so scared of my existence and it makes me dread being alive. I told my mom about it when I was younger, keep in mind I didn't know what it was so I couldn't explain it well, and she told me something along the lines of to be carefull what I say or people will think I'm crazy. My whole life I thought I was alone, I'm only 17 man . I couldn't find anything when I researched or explain it. But now I found this and I can't tell you how thankful I am for this. I don't know how to cope with it and I didn't know what it was until now. Im not so lost anymore, or alone. I understand you all so perfectly. Thank you so much for this. Thank you so much ;-;

I also have been taking escitalopram for a while, yet it does nothing to stop it from happening. I feel like pills can only do so much, a lot of it is yourself and your state of mind, but these feelings hit so hard and there's nothing I can do about them. I feel hopeless and afraid. Again, this helped me so much and I thank you with my whole heart.

You need to be empowered. Empowerment, helps a person learn that they can make good changes to the world and that existing is a good thing. I enjoy existing, the only reason why we should be unhappy about existing, is if there is no changes we can make, or in prison, or in a stressful abusive relationship that is hard to leave because of fear of being killed. All these things are easy to undo and life is about learning. We should strive as individuals to make that change for the better of ourselves and each other. God speed. Seek spirituality it will help you with this issue, and fear of death.

I do this and hate it. I tend to almost taunt myself with it and the feeling is overwhelmingly scary. Scared to exist and just want to hug my husband.

its hard to explain to anyone else and really reassuring to hear 'it' been mentioned. Ive experienced this on and off mist of my life. I find the Dr Weekes method of : Accepting how i feel, Floating through it and letting tid pass. Mostly i dont think/feel like it but with all the covid business Im really nervy atm.

Hey! I've experienced this my whole life, though it didn't use to make me panic. I remember as a child I would be brushing my teeth at night or something, looking at myself in the mirror and would have that sudden realization of, "wow, that's me! I'm a whole person....neat!" lol. And then I would just go about my day and not really think about it again for awhile. The first time I remember the thought bothering me, I was around 19. It wasn't all encompassing or anything, but I found that it came to my mind more often, and it made me uncomfortable. So I pulled up google and typed in "sometimes it feels weird to be alive" and the first link it pulled up was about a condition called Depersonalization! And it fully described what I was feeling. Did some more digging and found it is either a stand alone condition, or a symptom of anxiety. I had recently started taking diet pills around the time I started noticing it, so I decided to research those too to see if maybe there was some sort of link. And low and behold, it had a warning about not taking it if you had anxiety, as it contained large amounts of caffeine ( large amounts of caffeine and anxiety don't mix well). So, I stopped taking the pills, cut back on other sources of caffeine, and it went away. I managed my anxiety, and I got rid of the feeling of depersonalization. A few years later, during a super stressful time in my life, I had my first full blown panic attack and that familiar feeling hit me like a ton of bricks. And it did not leave me for MONTHS. I continued to have awful panic attacks almost daily, so I finally gave in and decided to get on medication. Slowly my anxiety subsided, and so did that crappy feeling. I still deal with it from time to time when my stress levels are up, and sometimes even for no obvious reason at all. Currently going through a period of it now, but its getting easier to deal with. Sorry for the long post, but if I had never found a name for this feeling, I'm almost certain I'd still be a ball of anxiety and panic attacks. Anxiety->triggers depersonalization->which made me panic->which made the depersonalization worse... and on and on. It was an ugly loop! And its a loop I don't want anyone else getting stuck in! Do your research to see if depersonalization matches what you're feeling, find a therapist that is familiar with it, and go from there! If anyone wants to hear what I do to help, please feel free to ask! Obviously I have no problem rambling on forever lol.

I've had these experiences for about 40 years. At first, it triggered anxiety, but over time I learned to enjoy it. For me, its like being instantly put into a deep awareness state (something I have worked very hard to achieve with several days of meditation). Honestly, this is a gift and can be enjoyed, not feared. The more you "let" it happen & observe the experience, the more the fear dissipates. It's very much worth using this experience to your advantage. You are experiencing who you truly are (your being) and we live so disconnected from our true essence that these moments of clarity can seem strange and scary. They don't need to be.

I literally feel the same way. I would love to talk to a doctor about it but I feel like they just want to give us medicine without fixing the real problem. Mental health is worsening for everyone. Are these effects from our environment? We werent designed to live the lifestyles we are forced to live to get necessities or be acceptable in our society. I am to alive for myself right now, too.

Hi mech,

I' m glad i found your post because I literally relate with everything you said. I literally found your post because I googled "why am I so hyperaware about my existence". I'm so tired of feeling this way. I've been struggling with this for so long. I'm yet to visit a psychologist but I think I will soon. If I find any solution I will let you know.

I hope things get better for the both of us.

i am now 22 and have been struggling with this since i was 19. I had a sudden intense fear of my existence after smoking cannabis. every day since then i have had obsessive and intrusive thoughts about being alive and death and knowing that death is getting closer and closer. it rarely ever goes away unless im completely relaxed but i find it so hard to. it makes concentrating on things i need to really difficult. it feels like a total loss of control and makes me feel very small and powerless. sometimes ill experience physical symptoms which i suppose is very much like panic attacks. like i struggle to breathe reguraly and i get very shakey. its made me feel so alone because i feel nobody that i have tried explaning it to actually understands this and i can feel almost envious of people who just seem to not have these thoughts and feelings, they just seem comfortable with it...i get very aware of the fact that i am seeing things and that i am just here... weird. its great to know im not the only one, i just hope one day it will get better...

does anyone have any coping mechanisms to share? I'm currently going through a bad episode of this for the second time in my life.

Hi there,

whenever i'm at any park that has alot of space i get this feeling of notcing my reality and a feeling as if im losing control

almost like im detatched

what ive found to calm me down is put something ontop of my your head

life a hat or a t shirt i find it always grounds me

also a pair of sun glasses also with that will help yourself be more ground

not sure if this will be any help to you but try it anways its always been the one to help me when im in that situation