Hyper awareness to my existence

Finally someone that explains what Im feeling very well!!

The last 2 years this feeling happened more often , and just a few weeks ago it ended in my first panick attack ever. This time it felt like I was going to far in this thought process and my own brain couldnt comprehend it anymore, normally this feeling only lasted for a few minutes, but now i couldnt stop the thought process about my own existence.

Its like your hyper aware of the now, that there's nor a future nor a past. I feel like it became worse since the corona epidemic hit. Nothing feels normal anymore, and when I think about my past I think: was it ever normal?

When I got the pannick attack it felt like I was going to crack the code about existing, but my own brain couldnt understand it, it was to much for myself to make sense out of it.

I read here that most of you feel this way when they wake up, but I have it the otherway around. When I get tired the feeling gets more extreme, but when I have slept I feel fresh and I dont feel as weird anymore.

Im happy to know there are more people that feel the way I do, its hard to explain to others + when you try to explain it, it sometimes makes the feeling even worse.

Yes I've got this too been suffering with it on and off for as far back as i can remember. Suffering in silence as when i tried to explain it i was told i was being stupid etc. Tried to find out what it was and why it was happening, over many years. Have suffered extreme panic attacks, struggled with leaving home, health anxiety and OCD especially around other hyper awarenesses, breathing and sleeping. I've recently had a diagnosis of PTSD and gone through therapy with the NHS, which have provided a lot of answers and given me a better insight on what is going on and how to manage my thoughts and feelings.. The way i deal with it is through distraction, trying to accept that these thoughts are coming from anxiety and they will go in time and being compassionate with myself, telling myself everything is going to be ok. The trigger for me is definitely stress which would then lead to these thoughts. I've recently had some physical health issues which are ongoing and with Covid too, I've started to get theses thoughts again, fingers crossed i can manage them better now. Hope this has been helpful. Knowing we are not alone in our struggles helps us feel less isolated.

I know this ALLLLL TO WELL. It started when i had DP/DR for a couple days. Mind you i was freaking out so damn bad. Then came the existential thoughts. Those thoughts were SOOOOOOO BAD and scary (at the time because of my intense anxiety). Those thoughts are gone. Now what i am experiencing is the noticing of my existence. It gives me bouts of anxiety BUT it (anxiety) also make me FEEL as though my reality/life is waaaaaayyyyy different. Mind you im not in DP/DR no more. The whole noticing of my existence came from the DP/DR and it stuck. I think/believe its the thought that is keeping that feeling alive that is keeping me in zaps of anxiety. It is annoying. What i am doing now is exposing myself to the thought or stop dipping in the FEELINGS of it to stop it. I thought it was just me feeling this or thinking this way. Healthy distractions does help. Because it keeps your mind from going there. We all know the brain is plastic and loves the throws of loops and patterns to keep the anxiety alive. I am learning (with practice) to change of overall thought process. WE MUST TAKE OUR POWER BACK FROM OUR MIND and not allow it to run us. We must TRAIN OUR MIND...not the other way around.

Hi there. I must say, everything you are describing is exactly how I feel. I recently went through a major transition in my life (re-location) that has caused me to experience immense stress and fear due to feelings of homesickness. I already had pre-existing anxiety before the move, but after it got a lot worse. The feeling you are describing is a result of depersonalization. It is merely a symptom of anxiety or being in an elevated fight or flight state. I notice the feeling is the most prominent during mornings and when I am alone for the day (i.e when my husband goes to work). It is really a paralysis type feeling as well. You become so aware of your exisitence it makes you become uncomfertable and then feel as though being that observer is almost close to suffering.

One thing, although this feeling makes you feel 'crazy' you are extremely normal. Your body is making you feel that way from a result of a protective mechanism due to you being under high stress. Once your anxiety levels decrease frequently or you are distracted or fully enaged in something whether that be talking to a friend, partner or activicty I notice it actually goes away temporaily.

Depersonalization is just another protective mechanism that comes along in the box with dealing with anxiety. It is there to protect you, not hurt you and it never will truly hurt you. I would like to discuss more with you regarding this. Just reply to this comment just so I know it is still active.

I have a similar feeling but only when i smoke weed. some things i feel are colors, light/shadow, associating colors with emotion, breathing, things in the room in color patterns, everything connecting.

it is scary because its like "im alive" but really knowing it or "waking up" to life finally. I then start, and probably subconsciously was always, contemplating the opposite of it all. Fearing something really bad. Fearing death. You have to be alive to die. kinda feeling like if i realize anything else in life it could all just disappear or the feeling. i notice i breath shallowly when fearing or felling so live.

do you feel better?

Hi, I searched the internet and I came across you. i have the exact same thing and i hate it. i'm glad i found you. I am not on any medication for this but I have been to a homeopath. sometimes I think how am I going to live with this and how long will this take and will it go away on its own?

what I often hear is that people who smoke weed have the same feelings but I don't smoke. I did it when I was 14 and had a bad experience with it. I also think it's part of depersonalization and derealization. I'm 38 now and I'm trying to get off the sleeping medication. maybe it has something to do with that.

mech,

I've wanted end my life for years now, long story short, I was and am, tired of living and scared of dying and so my life has dragged on. Now, I'm in my sixties and the fact that I could so easily fall prey to some awful age-related illness or disease worries me a lot. I have become so aware of the frailties of my vital organs, my heart, liver, kidneys, what if? What if? Thinking of each one in turn. I often find myself consumed by such thoughts. I'm getting so I don't want to live [because] I'm scared of dying.

Is it normal to think this way? I imagine that most people, if asked, would balk at such thinking and, shrugging their shoulders, would simply say with a smile that they'd never thought about it. Would probably find the suggestion quite hilarious.

And I obsess about things. All my life, even at school, any interest or hobby that I ever had became an obsession.

OCD? ASPERGERS? I [do] wonder about that but I don't feel able to discuss it with anybody. I think it would help for me to know precisely what is wrong with me.

mech, I don't know what the answer but know that you're not alone. Maybe someone else can offer an explanation.

Good luck.

I just want to yell from a mountain that I feel the EXACT same way you do, I even use the exact same words to describe it. I've tried for years to find someone who gets that feeling. I hope that somehow gives you hope; it did for me.

This will be the FIRST time of me "publicly" saying ME TOO. Since I was probably three. I've gone through plenty in my life very young, trauma continued and I've never been diagnosed and I'm over 30 now. I'm silently suffering. my awareness has never been explained like this forum. example. The lady at the bus stop all alone makes me want to crawl into a dark hole and cry. Morning traffic and all those people really make me aware. Of ALL of them and myself. It's almost like I can feel their pain or energy by being near them. I feel everything. I see everything. I notice everything. And I overthink and obsess over all of it as much as possible to where I feel like I have ADHD, because i can NOT focus on anything. i shake my foot because the thoughts torture me. sometimes I wonder if I am well, the way I switch on and off around people to hide it. i tried to keep it short. was hard condensing 30 years of painful secrets. i hope someone relates or this post will haunt my sleep tonight.

Hello,

I have been feeling a similar way for the past few months, and it's relieving and comforting to see that I'm not alone. Its difficult to explain the feeling that I get when I feel hyper aware. It tends to happen when I'm not busy, but on the rare occasion it has happened at work etc. I did get an anxiety diagnosis a few years ago, however its never been this bad and I'm unsure of what has triggered this feeling I get. The only way I can explain it, as others also have, is that I suddenly feel real and aware of my existence. I become hyper aware of myself and everything/one around me, which often causes fear and panic. Its almost as if I am aware that my mind/soul and body are separate, which in a way is comforting to know as I have recently gotten into spirituality and I would like to believe that my soul is separate to my body, and that my body is the physical thing to allow my soul to live. However, I hate when it happens, because it does trigger panic attack symptoms, and often I feel like I am going to faint which I have a horrible fear of due to past experiences. I also have a terrible fear of illness/death, and so whenever I feel the slightest bit ill, I experience hyper awareness (perhaps as a flight of fight response?). I'm not sure why this happens, as I've read about it being both anxiety/OCD related. Hopefully a doctors visit will help me 😃