I am 28 year old. I am feeling like I don't want to continue my life.
Posted , 14 users are following.
6 years before I have diagnosed for AS. For the past 6 years I have struggled more about my back pain. Recently, I lost my job, since that I have occupied by full of negative thoughts. Even, there is a chance to get my job again, my mind is not thinking about the job instead it's thinking about the loss. Additionally, I am feeling the pain worst now, I am a unmarried guy, so I am thinking like why should I continue this life with this kind of pain. Also, I am feeling like I don't have any support. Any suggestion will make me take a better decision.
Thanks
2 likes, 38 replies
kay72736 manikandan38288
Posted
Hey Mani. Talk to someone face to face. Don't give up. Talk to your Doctor about treatment. Keep looking for support here, there are so many people on line with support. (:-)
jillian41791 manikandan38288
Posted
Hi there Manikandan, I'm the same as you with As and also fibromyalgia that has been flaring up every evening and occasionally twice a day, stress and cold weather mostly the cause, and no support at home from my husband since I not able to work. He refuses to accept that there is a problem and I need to reduce stress in my life- seems like I have to leave, but although the odds are stacked against me, and I'll need money, I need to be strong and not give in to the As and fibro as this increases pain etc..keep with these type of online discussions - we are all going through varrying types of challenges. Also list all things that make you feel happy and do it or imagine you are there...get more educated through sites offering different ways to think positive. Ring , text, Meet regularly with people in your area or anywhere that could do with your support.learn guitar perhaps..take one day at a time..set some achievable goals .I know I always have a purpose even if it's initially just to support others. Hydrotherapy and swimming is great for me...Keep in touch, hey :-)
jillian41791 manikandan38288
Posted
I've had to rediscover myself, as a means to help myself. Feeling loneliest ever since this forced lifestyle change but I do believe that it will get easier and once I'm more positive more often then I will want to be more social, be better company and I find helping others in small ways helps me feel better about myself.
I'm doing tons of reading about positive thinking, repeating affirmations to help retrain my brain. I also write down lots of stuff as a means of release and balance it with positives. Exercise but not overdoing it gets endorphines into gear and I need to know if you have a pet..pets for therapy. Perhaps you are a great artist and don't know it yet. ..Seek out ways to pursue an interest. Perhaps you have Gd skills that could help you to be self-employed, like doing web page design. Or write a book...I'm going to try that one-day...what will you focus on...you never know where it may lead you!
jillian41791 manikandan38288
Posted
I've had to rediscover myself, as a means to help myself. Feeling loneliest ever since this forced lifestyle change but I do believe that it will get easier and once I'm more positive more often then I will want to be more social, be better company and I find helping others in small ways helps me feel better about myself.
I'm doing tons of reading about positive thinking, repeating affirmations to help retrain my brain. I also write down lots of stuff as a means of release and balance it with positives. Exercise but not overdoing it gets endorphines into gear and I need to know if you have a pet..pets for therapy. Perhaps you are a great artist and don't know it yet. ..Seek out ways to pursue an interest. Perhaps you have Gd skills that could help you to be self-employed, like doing web page design. Or write a book...I'm going to try that one-day...what will you focus on...you never know where it may lead you!
jillian41791 manikandan38288
Posted
Manikandan, me again- I saw young woman on TV few nights ago who competed in Rio in swimming event , who has scoliosis of the spine...they said she found her way through swimming to help her manage her pain, could have had surgery but chose not to and got there through constantly pushing through her initial pain and just kept getting stronger as a swimmer.
..I've read that consistent Gd management whilst As is active will lessen final outcome so it is in our best interest to focus on best management we can and from where-ever/ what way we can. 'As' does becomes inactive at some point, not sure when .
jim93390 manikandan38288
Posted
Either way, U need to exercise dude. I am 60 (sixty) years young and I have flares but it can be mostly overcome by exercise and diet. It sucks but the alternative is not good. Nobody can feel the pain/stiffness like U can no matter how much you talk/complain about it. So, I just dont complain!
If you feel crappy for a spell, your body is telling you something. I will take an additional nap to allow myself to recharge.
YOu are still young and have a bright future ahead of you. We are ALL fortunate that their are biological meds out there that counteract the symptoms. Technology is always improving and they will find the magic bullet that will free us of this stuff.
Get checked for lymes disease too...diffuclt to diagnose but it is worth a try.
gloria55119 manikandan38288
Posted
Hello, what you are feeling is grief and sadness, a normal reaction to what you are going through. Many of us here know what that feels like. We've been there too... we'd like to help you through this, so please let us into your sad world. We care.
AS is a roller coaster ride to the max...and with the grief of losing your job also...that's a double dose of pain.
What medication are you on at present ? Are you seeing a doctor/specialist ? Are you able to reach out to friends and family ?
These people will not know what you are feeling unless you tell them.
There are lots of ways that you can start to pick yourself up....you've made the first step by posting here. The next step is communicating your loss and your feelings to a professional...and then step three you will see for yourself....Keep in touch with us here on this wonderful forum....it gave me personal strength and hope....Hugs to you...G
jillian41791 manikandan38288
Posted
..Also, adding onto Jim's comments, one of my meds is sulphazaline and it doesn't tolerate any alcohol at all.GGT levels go crazy with me (liver) and also have fatty liver but I'm no fat! Need lots of water with meds and adequate sleep.Ask Dr about lyrica to help you relax so you get a good nights sleep.try to keep away from negative people also helps..
peter21326 manikandan38288
Posted
Hey my friend. Please understand there is no "decision" here. You pick up and go on. What you are feeling is completely understandable. Chronic pain is depressing. Losing a job is depressing. When things start piling one on top of another it can seem overwhelming. You need to take a mental break (whatever that means for you) and then start moving forward with positive plans. Getting that job back will help immensely. Finding a good doctor and getting on a good treatment plan (or maintenance plan) will help immensely. Both of these things will help you feel in as much control as is possible and that's important.
I like to talk about my wife's history as the best example of how things can turn around. She was suffering with rheumatoid arthritis. She was wheelchair bound and in great pain. She was taking the drug of choice at the time which was prednisone and prednisone has nasty side effects on top of it's primary effects. The drug caused her shoulder to lose circulation and eventually dry up forcing an eventual shoulder replacement surgery. This was on top of the two knee replacements the disease was already forcing. And to add insult to injury the prednisone caused a huge weight gain and gave her the classic moonface which is often associated with prednisone. Her self esteem was in the toilet. To make a long story short she found a new rheumatologist who put her on Remicade. This drug was a miracle for her. She got the two knees replaced and has been on Remicade for the last 13 years or so. Her disease is in remission for the most part and her state of mind is fabulous. It doesn't hurt that she is a person of strong faith in God. That always bolsters her.
But that story is hers. You need to do what is right for you but understand that just like bad things and negative feelings are cumulative so are good things. Do something positive for yourself like getting that job back or getting some good treatment. Feeling better about yourself will help you move forward even more. Best wishes to you and don't hesitate to reach out to someone for support.
manikandan38288
Posted
Thanks to all for your valuable comments. I was following diet and exrsice properly and I not even felt I am in sick. But, this job loss put me in a worst situation. Within 2 weeks I felt that I am in sick. I started smoking again and trying to compromise my mind. But, it's taking me to worst level and I am feeling that. Because of this, I stopped my marriage and I am financially locked. One yaer before I didn't plan for marriage but 6 month back I was planning to marriage because I was feeling good improvement. Now, everything get reversed. Also, I mind is always thinking about my job loss. Because, it happens by manager and he purposefully did this. Also, I am best employee in my first company and I did well in this company too. I am feeling like I am unfit to this society.
kay72736 manikandan38288
Posted
Keep you ' thinking cap on buddy'...'society' isn't the best measure of value. Help first yourslef, then you can help those close to you. Even if you are unwell in pain and maybe even getting worse at times, you can still help and contribute. How rare is a small act of kindess and a smile. I really mean it.. get thru this HUMP hurdle MOUNTAIN ...and get proper help too.. not just from us, we can do that but also professionals, someone you trust. Take care of yourselfs.
JenInCali manikandan38288
Posted
jillian41791 JenInCali
Posted
You know what, Manikandan, you are a loving , caring person with pride and many great skills and right now feeling overwhelmed but it will pass. I did my job in Disability field 6 1/2yrs whilst running my own backpackers hostel and helping on our farm when needed with sheep work. My body has been yelling at me for long time to say STOP. I knew I had to stop everything and focus on dealing with all my health problems.Ankylosing spondyloarthrits and daily fibro flares and depression when I allow it.I moved out for 2 months to try to think clearly and protect my relationship with my husband. It's caused a huge ripple effect, - he hates me ( the situation, as much as I do) most of the time coz he can't understand but I've assessed where I'm at and had lots of counselling and cried so much for losses but we know things happen for a reason and I'm sure that there is something better out there for us both. Work &/or purpose wise. Give yourself permission to take a break and recharge your batteries. I really hated solitude and now am finding myself again. I lost track of who I was...Think positive. You are stronger and smarter than you think.Your wife is just upset also because it hurts her as well. Have a talk with your boss if need be- he may have a few suggestions...Assess your immediate needs. Forget pride and ring, text, go see a counsellor. Print off info to help yourself and others so they can be more supportive . My 5 young grandsons give me lots of strength and I also have pet lambs at the moment. List positives and make a concentrated effort to bring the sunshine back. Go to centrelink and what about income protection claim. It's taken me 6 months to do mine but I'm posting it this morning.
jillian41791 manikandan38288
Posted
Hello again Manikandan, do you remember discussions with me last week? I'm hoping you are doing a bit better this week because you have revisited your Dr/ rheumatologist and chosen a few different strateigies. I would like to work with you a bit if you are interested. If I help others I find it helps me a real lot and I need it. I do have my days too.
I hope you tick the box so it alerts me on my phone.
manikandan38288 jillian41791
Posted
i can understand that you have suffered more than me. After long thinking about myself I am feeling like I have some psychological problem too. Also, I am a adamant person too. I am fighting with myself to accept this situation but I am always fail.
Here I would like to tell my story. I was coming abroad to work. Before I was coming to abroad, my only thought was I should earn something to help my family then, I will should quit my life. I didn't want to die without doing anything. I joined in this company with this hope.
Fortunatly, the company was really good and I was feeling some improvement about my health. So, I slightly changed my thoughts and planning for do marriage. Also, some expectation added to mind without permission. I was feeling like I don't have any health issue and any personal issue.
Then, slowly the problem entered in my life. Then it's increasing slowly. Slowly I am feeling bad. And finally I lost my job because problem between me and my manager.
When I lost my job, I have zero balance in my account. I return to my country with help of my friends. I felt very bad to see my parents with my ugly face. 5 days I stayed in my village and even come out from home for any reason. I was locked myself in small room and started thinking about my job loss.
Then, I come again to abroad for one month contact work, but now I am struggling more since the food accommodation is not good. Also, daily I am working more than 12 hours and no leave day. Also, I am not able to explain my problem to everyone.
I am not able to give my best in my job. So that I am planning again to quit my life. I don't like sucide but I don't have any other clue. I am feeling like my living now without my soul. It's just a body.
jillian41791 manikandan38288
Posted
I'm curious- Manikandan - where is home and which country are you in ATM?
I live in Australia and away from my brother and 3 sisters and Who are you closest to in your family- and are you able to access social security benefits, income protection or draw on a super fund through hardship because that's where you and I are at.
I found that I cannot work for anyone atm until at least I get better management of my physical and mental health and a few extra ongoing funds to pay for medication etc.We need to educate others a bit but not overwhelm them or they are not able to give us any love and support at all. I told Dr I have no job or money to pay for Dr appt but registered with Medicare in Australia.most of the time I don't need to pay. Health care card we have in Australia and sickness or disability benefits will help and rent assistance or emergency housing through social security.
Ask Dr to write up a care plan for you and get some good meds and referral to a rheumatologist..Lyrica is great to help you sleep Gd and isn't a sleeping tablet. Thank god for lyrica. All your support need to at least know what's happening to you re AS so that they can try to understand.and support you even if just by being a friend or giving us space when we need it even if it's going to a Dr appt or out socially. I find it better for me not to go out much or for very long as fibromyalgia also working on me. That's worse for me as stress and cold makes it worse. I'll inform my rheumatologist as this needs to be addressed now. I start a new drug next week
I find it extremely difficult to be amongst people who know me that can see I've changed. It snuck up on me, and could on them too, or something similar, or has but they're good at hiding it. I need to focus on simplifying my life and get some things sorted out. I'm finding its getting a bit easier as I go along . Initial diagnosis and possible prognosis really freaked me out for quite a while. I'm living quite lonely life at present, necessary to help me work through things to find acceptance and cope and I find we get on better if we help others. Time to start working more with our mind and not so much our body. Thinking positive and keeping focused but not expecting too much at same time. I had to have a stable base to live- there is emergency housing in australia, (parents died years ago so can't go there) .I move away from my husband and live separate for few months so we can adapt and have regular counselling when I need it, even over the phone 'lifeline' .some meds have small doses of antidepressant in them. I was prescribed endo and sulphazaline and they really help.
Do you have a Superfund with income protection from your workplace- put in a claim but get professional to help you fill in forms. You'll need it. Took me 4 months but finally got it finished and posted.
Hope some info is of help to you Manikandan. I can tell that you are a very proud and caring person, with drive, determination and goals and adaptability and inner strength to take on a new challenge, like me. I'm soul searching and looking at my strengths and interests and maybe I could help through counselling if I study it more in depth.what do you think Manikandan? Do you think I'd be any good at it? I'm really enjoying astrology, alternative therapies, metaphysical books and hydro and great outdoors and my grandsons. Home is where the heart is. You will find someone perhaps when not expecting to, probably whilst you are seeking assistance with AS. That's where the real caring supportive people are- working in the caring fields. People who make me laugh are great support and anything that is diversional therapy...treat yourself often- it doesn't have to cost money.
manikandan38288 jillian41791
Posted
I am from India, now I am come to work in Dubai. I don't know is there any benefits for me to claim anything.
jillian41791 manikandan38288
Posted
..I thought your name was Indian. Good guesser I am. Wow Dubai. Sounds really interesting place.My husband's niece is living in Dubai. What kind of work have you been doing in Dubai ?
...could you ask a local, dr or google to find out about what is available?
...Surely a local friend woman would know about such govt support, if available or not.
manikandan38288 jillian41791
Posted
I just come here by one month visit visa. I don't think so the benefits will effect for me. My current worry is I should complete this month successfully and go back to my place. Then I will get some breath. After that, I have to consult my doctor. But, just 10 days completed, there is 20 more days to go. Let see what will happened.
manikandan38288 jillian41791
Posted
Hi,
Again, the monster come to my mind. I discontinued my current work from Dubai because of my health issue. Now, I am in my home town, and again, I don't have any clue to proceed my life. I think my life is finished and it should be finished.
jillian41791 manikandan38288
Posted
Hi again Manikandan,no it shouldn't be-I care about you and I know you are a really good person who cares about things. I found it extremely hard to accept that I could no longer do any of my jobs because it just spun me out UNTIL I started asking Drs, internet, other sources ifor nformation.
Chronic fatigue always causes
I am not working either. I spend quite a bit of time on my own , working my head around things. So are you back at home living with your family Manikandan because I would be if I could be, and can you ask someone for their help. And stop being too shy to ask. Or phone a counsellor. Sometimes they come to your place. You just need to ask.
Please, make the phonecalll to see your dr first thing in the morning or ask someone else to, if I were there , I would!
Next:- LIST what your immediate needs are..if you give this list to Dr or/and counsellor then they'll help you , Things will improve, I believe it will. And we can stop it from getting worse because I've been reading a real lot on the topic.
It's now midnight in Australia and I'm very tired and need decent sleep. If you are tired, listen to your body and also have a sleep.
I will talk to you again in the morning. :-)
jillian41791
Posted
I googled to find that there is social security in India to help people who need financial assistance, with degenerative disc disease like we have. It sounds like you may get further calling AS that in your country than calling it AS.Like cancer, sufferers need to take time out to stop what they are doing, deal with the health problem the best they can, with help- and forget about being too proud to ask, then we can better manage us. It does get better it just depends on what we do now, how we will end up as far as mobility goes. If we see Dr every 2-3 wks and rheumatologist 3 monthly and do everything they say, then we'll get there. Use a counsellor &/or free chat health chat line as much as you need to- and chat with me and others on this forum as much as you need to.
Please let me know that you have contacted a Dr and need a care plan developed. God has a plan for me now and it's now time to use my brain more and my body less than I have been. I'm sure you are good at maths:- most guys are. Focus on positives, like I/we are. Endep, small dose helps with my depression and lyrica 150mg helps me get a better sleep so I can focus much better the next day.