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I am going to have to end my life at some point cause it’s over

Posted , 12 users are following.

charlie63146
charlie63146

hi there, I don’t know what to do anymore.  I can’t explain my whole situation cause it would be too long but basically I had a bad accident. This have given me a hardcore disability chronic pain and chronic everything like depression , anxiety, hopelessness, etc.  my life is over and there is no point to it.  I just exist and obtain food and have to stay in isolation most of the time.  I cannot let anyone into my life because of the symptoms and what this does to me.  The really crappy thing about it is that I am 99.9 percent sure that it can’t be fixed.  So everyday I suffer and think about living like I do now for say the next 30 years or so until I die and I just cannot even imagine spanning that much time with this disability and all these symptoms and living in isolation.  There is no way that I can do that.  But here I am still for now.  But I really feel like my time is coming to an end sooner than later.  If anybody has any ideas please let me know and I hope anyone else who is suffering can get better.

2 likes, 43 replies

43 Replies

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  • sam18386
    sam18386 charlie63146

    Posted

    Hi Charlie, no wonder you feel so rubbish, I didn't realise how tough your life was, but why should you hide from life. My friend has multi difficulties and she copes, she has cerebral palsy. I have a double health difficulty and 2 learning difficulties too. I have had recently when I haven't wanted to live through being so sad. Hang on in there if you can and please speak to someone.

  • mina81739
    mina81739 charlie63146

    Posted

    Hey Charlie, I am so sorry that you are in such pain. But don't give up. Amazing things are happening in the medical field. I also have constant pain from a stroke and fibromyalgia. Its hard, but we can't give up because we don't really know what the future holds. Medical breakthrough are happening around the world and one of them just might have our name on it.

    • charlie63146
      charlie63146 mina81739

      Posted

      Hi Mina,  thanks for caring cause ther aren’t too many people in this world that care.  This world is a competition and I have lost unfortunately.  I hate to hear about your conditions.  I hope you can get better and we can live a normal life.  I just can’t see any hope anymore and it’s hard to keep going in this isolation with all these symptoms keeping me here.  I can’t stand not having any contact with girls anymore.  When I look at a pretty girl that I would have been interested in in my old life I have to fight off the anger and I want to put my head down and cry and then die. I am so angry all the time and I hate who I have become because of this.  Sorry for the long msg.  How is your life now and when how long have you had your problems ? 
    • mina81739
      mina81739 charlie63146

      Posted

      Hi Charlie, please, we can't give up.

      I have to deal with images of my old life and my old friends. And yes, it hurts, but I have found other ways to keep myself busy. When I am able, I volunteer at the church. I find great satisfaction in helping others. There is one lady who attends my church and she is completely helpless. She is paralyzed from the neck all the way down to her feet. But I enjoy being around her and she is, most times, very upbeat. She tells me that her situation could be worse. I used to wonderful, how in the world can she feel this way. And I thought she was just saying things like this because we were in church. But, I found out after years of watching her and being in her company, that she really feels bless to be a live. Her story is quite horrible, and she was the only one who survived a very brutal attack by a mad-man. He got into her parents home and took the life of five people. She was the only one to survive.

      I have been in constant pain since 2000, but I can still move and feed myself. So being around this lady, I have learned to make adjustments to my life and to see joy in what ever I can do for others and myself. I know this sounds selfish including myself, but why not? I have bought clothes in sizes of 6, 7, 8, 10; and shoe sizes of 7, 8, 9, & 9 1/2. Most often than not, I swell from head to toe, but I have the difference sizes to accommodate the swelling. Charlie, have hope, things are going to get better. I will be waiting to hear from you 🤗

  • Patient-Mod
    Patient-Mod charlie63146

    Posted

    Hi charlie63146

    We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologise for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

    If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

    Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

    If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

    Kindest regards

    Patient

  • displacerkitten
    displacerkitten charlie63146

    Posted

    Hi Charlie.  I am really worried about you, because I have been on the verge of suicide so many times.  Every time, looking back, I was really suffering, but if I had done it, I would have missed so much.  And, I would have missed so much of my brothers' and sisters' lives, and would have messed them up mentally.  It wouldn't have been fair to them.  Everything I have lived through since then has been worth waiting and suffering for.

    The mental issues do get better if you fight hard and suffer through the treatment process, and it is so worth it.  You are worth the space you take up and you are worth the air you breathe and you are worth the food you eat.  

    Are you seeing anybody?  My country has a national suicide hotline that really helped me.  They won't report you unless certain circumstances, and they give really great advice.  You can just Google what they do with your information, so you don't need to be scared of the consequences of contacting a hotline or something.

  • martha38300
    martha38300 charlie63146

    Posted

    Hi Charlie,

    Wow! I just wrote almost the same post as yours. I wish this site had a chronic pain group. People who don’t have chronic pain and/or illness that keeps them isolated just don’t understand how life altering, isolating, and depressing it can be. I’m right there with you. My chronic pain (that the doctors won’t treat) brings me to the end of myself and makes me unable to envision a future of more of the same. There will come a point at which it will become intolerable for me. I was like you; lots of friends, active, easy going, fun but for two years now I’ve been pretty much stuck in my house in pain. I feel like I’ve aged 20 years in the last 2. I don’t know how not to feel like making a plan. How is it that we keep going nonetheless? I’m sad to say that, on some level, it is a relief to me to find someone out there in the ether who feels like I feel.

    Thanks for sharing.....and hang in there man. I’ll try to do the same.

    Martha

    • charlie63146
      charlie63146 martha38300

      Posted

      Hi Martha,  thanks for your response.  I wish there would be something that u could do for you.  Like you said people don’t understand being in chronic pain and disabled .  If I go out anywhere it is a war in my head and body .  I have to fight to try to cover all this stuff up. The shaking , altered perception , can’t rven see as good any more and can’t concentrate.  When I injured that nerve it also altered my whole nervous system.  So I am an extremely nervous person now and then all my stability and structural problems.  It’s just too much.  I cannot let anyone into my life because I am so messed up and I do t want them to see it and then tell there friends .  You no what I mean.  Sounds like we both used to go out and do active things.   I was a fun mellow guy who liked to have fun and enjoy life.  Now I am nervous, shaky tense depressed angry and I could just go on.  Most of the time I am not even fit to go out in public.  Unfortunately I don’t see a way out because there is no treatment or surgery or even a name for what I have.  It’s not sustainable.  You know I really don’t want to die but I also wouldn’t be able to live until my natural death whenever that would be.  I bet I would probably have a heart attack within the next 5 years if I continued living .  I have nothing anymore and it’s not coming back.  I don’t mean to talk your ear off.  I just wanted to respond since you posted to my post.  The reality is that even the most solid and secure and normal person is totally capable of suicide under the right crisis.  It’s sad.  Some people say that they would never do that but they have never been in a hardcore crisis.  Things change real quick.  I will let you go .  Sorry for all the doom.  If you ever want to talk just feel free to send me a msg.  What country are you in by the way?

    • martha38300
      martha38300 charlie63146

      Posted

      Hi Charlie,

      Im so sorry it’s taken so long to get back to you. I’m kind of new here and am still learning my way around.

      I’m so sorry that you are going through this too but, conversely, it’s also a relief to know I’m not alone.

      I know there’s nothing I can do for you either except to be here for you for another day that you choose to live through. That’s really all we have I guess. But....it’s better than nothing.

      i can relate to your inability and lack of desire to even leave your house due to the excessive amount of ‘fakery’ that would be needed to engage in any social situation. I am the same way. Though our ailments might be different, the end result seems the same.

      Two years ago I never dreamed this would be my life. I feel so badly particularly because my husband is a super social person and, sometimes, it’s hard to even want to socialize with him. I don’t feel like talking most of the time because I feel so ill.

      you are right about people not knowing what they’re capable of until they are in the situation. I feel much like you in that there will come a day when I am no longer able to tolerate another day. Today isn’t that day.

      here’s to us making it through another one!

      p.s. I’m in the US

      Best, Martha

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