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I am not sure what is wrong with me...

Posted , 4 users are following.

Orthodox_14
Orthodox_14

Hi all,

This is my first post - what a great place this is - I seem to have issues when walking (which I do, to work and back, school runs etc, basically I walk everywhere lol... but when walking, particularly near traffic - which is inevitable all the way to my work - I get paranoid that people are watching me or something lol but I just keep my head down or look away as much as possible, without looking to obvious. Or better, just watch videos on my phone, as a pose to play music and keep my phone in my pocket, when I watch videos I forget about the cars and the people in them (possibly) staring / judging me, but when I think about it, does it matter what anyone (a complete stranger) thinks of my appearance, walk, or whatever it is, no of course not but I worry anyway. 

Sometimes I think I would be better off housebound, because that is when I feel best. I must admit, I don't think it's ever been so bad as I have to go back home, but it is quite bad at times. I just hate people, in the kindest possible way, I get flustered and annoyed when it's so busy and people are breathing down your neck lol, I hate it. I really hate getting on buses or going shopping. 

But, just to really push myself, I am fighting in a charirty boxing fight soon, which will be in front of 100's of people so that will test me. Not sure if it was the right thing to do - jumping in at the deep end - I hope it is. I know I am being pedantic about the whole thing, but sometimes (most of the time) I cannot control the feeling that overcomes me, I can sometimes limit it but it is seldom I can just switch off from that mindset. I am considering seeing my GP about it, but being a "typical bloke" if you will, I am almost too ashamed to go. Sorry to burden you with such an essay, I would welcome any feedback. Thank you.

0 likes, 19 replies

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  • richard89308
    richard89308 Orthodox_14

    Posted

    Do you feel everyone knows you because of the boxing and that is why you are a bit insecure. Really nobody in their cars know you. They are complete strangers and nothing to do with your life. Try and be yourself with your diversionary activities whilst walking but be aware when crossing the road.  We don't want any road accidents eh!
    • Orthodox_14
      Orthodox_14 richard89308

      Posted

      I am very cautious, even when not walking near a crossing I only look at my phone for a few seconds at a time lol. I notice a lpt of drivers who abuse the pedestrian crossings, they park on them so people and kids struggle to cross and their safety - through no fault of their own - is compromised. I have nearly been hit by cars reversing because they are parked on the crossing and try backing up, does my head in.

      But yeah, thanks I agree it's nothing to do with them, I don't know them etc. Nah lol that boxing thing is just an amateur event no fame there lol.

    • Orthodox_14
      Orthodox_14 richard89308

      Posted

      Thank you and I hope you're right. It will help dme get fit too, although I am relatively slim, I could do with getting more fit.

  • Guest
    Guest Orthodox_14

    Posted

    Do you have a therapist or a counsellor or someone who is trained to help?
    • Orthodox_14
      Orthodox_14 Guest

      Posted

      No, but I quickly thinking I perhaps should have...
    • Orthodox_14
      Orthodox_14 Guest

      Posted

      Im in UK, so kind of pre-paid via taxation / NI contributions
    • Guest
      Guest Orthodox_14

      Posted

      hmm, so can you ask your GP to get you a therapy appointment?
  • NamelessAnxiety
    NamelessAnxiety Orthodox_14

    Posted

    Hello there! I don't think I can actually help you but I just wanted to say that I feel the same way and i can relate to that. It's a symptom of anxiety so i guess talking to your gp will help. Even though I know that is so so hard to do! I'm struggling to talk to someone about my problems too and I know that I won't be able to. And also, you are not burdening anyone at all and it's good to let it out. Hopefully you can also find better help than me! It's a beginning so i'm proud of you ;u; (i apologize if my English is badsad )
    • Orthodox_14
      Orthodox_14 NamelessAnxiety

      Posted

      You are of a great help, just knowing that I am not alone alone and there will be things to learn, that will help. So thank you.

      Do you also get angry / anxious when you're walking for example (like I am now) and if some people come out of nowhere and start walking infront of you? I will use self scan lol as much as I can as well. It's not right. Most people are decent, but it's like I fear the worst from everyone.

    • NamelessAnxiety
      NamelessAnxiety Orthodox_14

      Posted

      Yeah I do, I mean it's really stressful when they come in front of you and they walk in a different pace and I'm like trying to act natural which obviously makes me look really weird and idk what to do and if i'm in a hurry it sucks to have to go in front of them because then you know for sure they are paying attention o.o and also around here there are not so many self-scans. I've only used one once. But it's okay to use it, don't worry about it too much ;u; and i know what you mean when you say you "hate" people. I personally think it's because of the anxiety and not the other way around (you hate because you get anxious, you're not anxious because you hate). And also I wish you the best luck with the fight -crosses fingers-
    • Orthodox_14
      Orthodox_14 NamelessAnxiety

      Posted

      Thank you, I hope you can also find a way to help yourself. I will certainly speak to my GP soon and hopefully get refered to a therapist or something. I think it is certainly an anxiety disorder from what I gather,
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