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This is my first post - what a great place this is - I seem to have issues when walking (which I do, to work and back, school runs etc, basically I walk everywhere lol... but when walking, particularly near traffic - which is inevitable all the way to my work - I get paranoid that people are watching me or something lol but I just keep my head down or look away as much as possible, without looking to obvious. Or better, just watch videos on my phone, as a pose to play music and keep my phone in my pocket, when I watch videos I forget about the cars and the people in them (possibly) staring / judging me, but when I think about it, does it matter what anyone (a complete stranger) thinks of my appearance, walk, or whatever it is, no of course not but I worry anyway.
Sometimes I think I would be better off housebound, because that is when I feel best. I must admit, I don't think it's ever been so bad as I have to go back home, but it is quite bad at times. I just hate people, in the kindest possible way, I get flustered and annoyed when it's so busy and people are breathing down your neck lol, I hate it. I really hate getting on buses or going shopping.
But, just to really push myself, I am fighting in a charirty boxing fight soon, which will be in front of 100's of people so that will test me. Not sure if it was the right thing to do - jumping in at the deep end - I hope it is. I know I am being pedantic about the whole thing, but sometimes (most of the time) I cannot control the feeling that overcomes me, I can sometimes limit it but it is seldom I can just switch off from that mindset. I am considering seeing my GP about it, but being a "typical bloke" if you will, I am almost too ashamed to go. Sorry to burden you with such an essay, I would welcome any feedback. Thank you.
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