I am not sure what is wrong with me...

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Hi all,

This is my first post - what a great place this is - I seem to have issues when walking (which I do, to work and back, school runs etc, basically I walk everywhere lol... but when walking, particularly near traffic - which is inevitable all the way to my work - I get paranoid that people are watching me or something lol but I just keep my head down or look away as much as possible, without looking to obvious. Or better, just watch videos on my phone, as a pose to play music and keep my phone in my pocket, when I watch videos I forget about the cars and the people in them (possibly) staring / judging me, but when I think about it, does it matter what anyone (a complete stranger) thinks of my appearance, walk, or whatever it is, no of course not but I worry anyway. 

Sometimes I think I would be better off housebound, because that is when I feel best. I must admit, I don't think it's ever been so bad as I have to go back home, but it is quite bad at times. I just hate people, in the kindest possible way, I get flustered and annoyed when it's so busy and people are breathing down your neck lol, I hate it. I really hate getting on buses or going shopping. 

But, just to really push myself, I am fighting in a charirty boxing fight soon, which will be in front of 100's of people so that will test me. Not sure if it was the right thing to do - jumping in at the deep end - I hope it is. I know I am being pedantic about the whole thing, but sometimes (most of the time) I cannot control the feeling that overcomes me, I can sometimes limit it but it is seldom I can just switch off from that mindset. I am considering seeing my GP about it, but being a "typical bloke" if you will, I am almost too ashamed to go. Sorry to burden you with such an essay, I would welcome any feedback. Thank you.

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  • Posted

    Paranoid personality disordr and anxiety. Noone honestly cares. Its all in your own mind really. Im sorry you hate people and feel so judged all the time. Its not an evil world and you need to stop thinking it is. Your hate of people is probably the core of your issues.i have no clue what to say to fix it it most likely a therapy worthy experience.
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