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I am planning my death. I’m tired of life

Posted , 11 users are following.

angela40620
angela40620

Am I the only person who feels like giving up is so much more worth it in your heart than to continue living with so much pain.

0 likes, 20 replies

20 Replies

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  • noreen_ann17342
    noreen_ann17342 angela40620

    Posted

    Hi Angela,

    I have had chronic daily headaches since age 8 in 1973. I have had depression and wanting to end my life for 23 years since pregnant with my daughter. After having her I felt worse and my headache pain got worse and now since mum died in December my suicidal thoughts and feelings are worse. I wish I had courage to end my life. MY 2 children who are 28 and 23 would not grieve for me like they do for my mum. They would be better off without me in their lives. I haven't been a good mum to them because of the depression and finding living so hard now my mum is no longer around. I have set a date to end my life in 6 years time to give me time to sell everything in the house and to make sure my son who has aspergers has the help he needs to live independently. Now I have set a date I feel able to carry on till then sometimes I feel I can't but, at least I only have to live this hell another 6 years.

    • Emis_Moderator
      Emis_Moderator noreen_ann17342

      Posted

      Hi noreen_ann17342,

      We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologise for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

      If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

      Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

      If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

      If you are based outside of the UK.

      The Samaritans is a UK based charity, but they also have suggestions for how you can access help in other countries.

      Please have a look at this page https://www.befrienders.org/directory

      Patient

    • noreen_ann17342
      noreen_ann17342 Emis_Moderator

      Posted

      Hi there,

      Thank you for contacting me about my message I put up recently. I have been emailing the Samaritans about my suicidal thoughts and feelings since February. I have also contacted Supporting Minds for counselling as I am really struggling with everything at the moment. I will have a look at your patient information leaflet tonight to see what other help I can access. My health and wellbeing worker is contacting Cruse for me for bereavement counselling as it will be 6-8 weeks before I see a counsellor at Supporting Minds. After my mum's funeral her social worker transferred me back to Blackpool Single Point of Access mental health team so waiting to hear back from my worker I had before my mum died.

    • hypercat
      hypercat noreen_ann17342

      Posted

      You are wrong! No matter what age your children are they would be devastated by your loss and would never get over it. They can only ever have 1 mother and that is you. All you would be doing is passing your pain on to others - do you want that? I do understand how hard life is for you, but surely it's better to keep trying to get more help?

      I am not trying to be patronising here and obviously I don't walk in your shoes but you are needed in the world. We are all unique and you would be missed in the Universe. Hugs. xx

  • richard56310
    richard56310 angela40620

    Posted

    You not alone Angela, I am often overwhelmed by the nothingness of life, eg today. Hang on to God and try to make sure you do some useful things each day, whilst groaning hour after hour, he won't let you be tested beyond your capacity but you'll be surprised what your capacity actually is, join me in dragging your way to the end of the day and remain in touch by all means.

    Cheers

    Richard

  • jane24713
    jane24713 angela40620

    Posted

    Hi Angela

    continue to place one foot in front of the other, keep going,

    this too shall pass

    Jane

  • noreen_ann17342
    noreen_ann17342 angela40620

    Posted

    Hi Angela, I did answer this before but, my message must not have been accepted. I too feel like you Angela and I have set a date as well. I have had chronic daily headaches for 46 years and had depression for 23 years. Since my mum died in December I find it harder having to carry on living. Hopefully in 6 years time UK will have made the assisted dying law legal.

  • Emis_Moderator
    Emis_Moderator angela40620

    Posted

    Hi angela40620,

    We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologise for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

    If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

    Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

    If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

    If you are based outside of the UK.

    The Samaritans is a UK based charity, but they also have suggestions for how you can access help in other countries.

    Please have a look at this page https://www.befrienders.org/directory

    Patient

  • sue22623
    sue22623 angela40620

    Posted

    ive been there so many times, my pains are mistakes i have made loosing everything, husband, home now living back at my parents. i do suffer from depression since my divorce 20 years ago and am anerexic which makes most days a living hell. i have had this for many many years. i do suffer now with back, hip, head pains daily and am on meds. i do often think how it would be so much easier not being here but i am getting help and am getting better. when i have these thoughts a out not wanting to be here i try snd turn my attention to someone who is a lot worse than i am and try to embrace what i have. i wake up the next morning thinking thank god i didnt do anything stupid. i hope you will find help and one day soon start to enjoy life again.

    i wish you all the best, love and light to you x

  • hypercat
    hypercat angela40620

    Posted

    Oh yes I often feel like that. When I do I then trawl the suicide sites looking for a painless method to do it. When I realise there aren't any (that I can find or have access to) it puts me right off the idea. Also when I have read others terrible stories I think my life isn't so bad after all.

    I am not recommending you do this but it helps me. x

  • sam18386
    sam18386 angela40620

    Posted

    hi angela, your story shocked me but then i thought i was in the same position last year, desperately ill, no way of getting better, depressed and wanting end my life. i spoke to my counsellor at the time and sent him a message saying thanks for your help but i can"t do this any more. i left my husband a message to say that's it, by the time you get this message i will be dead. i left the door wide open and walked out. that was the worst day of my life. it shook my family to the core. i have never cried so much, i stared at a lake and thought i would be better off in there. it really didn't want to live. you keep talking the minute you stop, we'll do anything to check you're ok, bless you, i will say prayers for you.

    • sue22623
      sue22623 sam18386

      Posted

      hi i hope you are okay now, such a sad, desperate situation to be in i too have often thought there is no way out nut thank god and the angels im still here i got too much to do here first love and light to you x

    • sam18386
      sam18386 sue22623

      Posted

      hi sue, that's nice of you to respond. i too discovered since last year i had more to live for. i hope angela is ok. depression is such a musunderstood sad thing to live with.good luck to you, i sometimes think there is a god up there and sonetimes really struggle to do so.

    • richard56310
      richard56310 sam18386

      Posted

      There sure is who calls us to relation shipwith him. If you see no point to life then at least live for God and try to do what he wants you to do. You will need to pay a lot less attention to what your fallen and cursed human nature wants though

    • sue22623
      sue22623 sam18386

      Posted

      hi ya, thanks,, hang in there and richards comments was spot on. we do always look back, judge ourselves but we cant change anything. god has put us on this earth for a reason and i do believe we choose our own paths yes they can go extremely wrong, well mine has so many times but it is always a learning curve. the one thing i have finally learnt is to let go of the past and try to cherish everyday. its hard as i still suffer from depression and i do suffer from anerexia but i am getting treatment which really is helping. dont do what i have done and wasted the last 20 years on what ifs. life is too short and precious and i am trying to start a new chapter in my life. good luck xx

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