I am trapped completely

Posted , 8 users are following.

So I don't know how I've done this, but I've really done a number on myself. I feel as though I have ended up in a hell that I designed to be the most torturous thing for me apart from literal torture. People always say but you should be thankful for what you have, and yes I am thankful that I have a bed to sleep in and running water and the like, but I cannot do this anymore. I've been in the same school for 5 years now and until recently I didn't realise how much it has ground me down and made me completely miserable. I have 2 years there but when you live, like I, on a day to day basis as the thought of a week from now scares the crap out of me because I'm unsure if I will make it to next week, it seems like an eternity. I can't switch school. It is a boarding school so I spend all my time there. Currently I'm on Christmas holiday but I have to go back in three days and part of me wonders if it wouldn't be better to kill myself before that and save myself the pain. I've tried talking to my parents but it's like they just want to put me on another medication so that I can get on with it. I'm sick of school, I'm sick of the system and the stress, it's killing me. Please help

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  • Posted

    So it is the school that is making you feel like this? Please don’t harm yourself. We care and are sorry that you are feeling so bad and stressed out. You can always come back here. 

    Ok you spoke to your parents. Is there something going on at the school that is making you so stressed and feeling so bad? Something specific?

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    • Posted

      Yes it is the school. There is nothing happening there really, I just hate it. I'm not being bullied or anything, but I get into trouble and stuff because I don't work. I can't focus on work and in fact I don't care about it. I hate being forced into this system. Thanks for your reply

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    • Posted

      Is there any specific reason why you are unable to focus ? I mean I understand that you hate it. What would make you like it? Maybe change courses? Classes? Teachers?

      Is there something deep down that I’d bothering you?

      How can we help?

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  • Posted

    O my sweetheart, you are so so young and have you life ahead of you. I’m much older than you but do understand. It must be so so hard to talk to parents that don’t understand. I’m not qualified but hear you, I’m going to get a phone number for you to ring. Please ring it x I be back
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  • Posted

    ?*08000684141?

    This is another number , please use them. Sorry it is in three messages, I can’t copy and paste very well from phone to email , keep talking. Please be careful whom you befriend and do not meet anyone online. You are so vulnerable right now. Please use the phone numbers , Lisa

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  • Posted

    Hi Ross,

    Sorry to hear what you're going through. I completely understand the bit about not thinking too far ahead. I used to make myself so ill worrying & trying to plan & thinking what am I gonna do or what if this or that happens when in reality none of that matters. Now I just take 1 day at a time not even thinking about the future. I'm so sad to hear your parents aren't being as supportive as they should. If you think it's worth it try talking to them again or write everything you're feeling down & give it to them. Have you spoken with your doctor? Is their anyone at school you can talk to? They have a duty of care. You deserve to be listened to & taken seriously so don't give up until you have been. This is all easier said than done when you feel like you've already hit rock bottom but every single thing on earth is temporary except suicide. I've contemplated loads of times & even had 1 attempt but I'm so glad I'm still here. Life can be pretty shxt but you can find happines in so many small things that will slowly make a big difference. Message me anytime if you want to talk or just have someone listen x

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  • Posted

    Hi Ross. Thank you so much for writing in to us. May I ask how old you are? Ross I cannot imagine how much pain that you have endured to be in a place where you could consider ending it all but my guess is lots for a very long time. 

    Are you being bullied and physically harmed just asking questions to get a more clear picture. I am not a boy nor have I lived in a boarding home but I have 3 brothers, a son and 2 grandsons and I love them dearly. They are a big blessing in my life! 

    Why do you think that your parents seem not to hear how you're feeling. Will you share with me what you are saying to them? Is there anyone that you would trust to tell any of this to? Anyone. A grandparent? Aunt, uncle, family friend. Share small and see how it goes. 

    I will be right here. Promise. Diane 

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    • Posted

      Hi there, I am 17. I'm not being harmed or anything I just hate the system. I hate being forced into it. All I say to my parents is I don't enjoy school and it is a big factor in my depression. I haven't told them about my suicidal thoughts or anything. I don't really have anyone to talk to. Thanks for being there Diane.

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  • Posted

    Ross

    You can come here anytime you need to. May I ask? What is going on at school? I’m so sorry that your parents won’t listen to you. That can really hurt. You do need support. Can you tell us what is going on?

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    • Posted

      Hi there, thanks for replying. Nothing is going on at school I just don't like it at all. I just tried to talk to my mum and she ended up shouting at me for not doing anything and always being sad. I don't know what to do but it's like everything I want is wrong. 

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  • Posted

    Hi again Ross. You reply to me is being moderated. If  we say certain things our reply will not be allowed to go through. Can you reply to my private message and see if I get it there. Thanks. Diane. 
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  • Posted

    It sounds to me Ross that you may be bored with school and then to have your parents not listening to you must be very hard.  If there are counselors at your school, maybe you could discuss what would help improve the school experience for you.  

    When my son was in school he got bored with learning to read and didn't like it one bit.  Then he was allowed to choose his reading materials from the school library.  That was the change he needed.  Later on in school he got bored with the whole thing until he found out he could get his high school diploma (we're in the US) when taking college classes and this is what he did.

    There are alternatives to just "suffering" through, so put your thinking cap on.  Pretend you are your parents and think about how you would solve your situation.  If, where you live, requires a certain amount of eduction, how would you complete that requirement differently to where you are currently.  

    I wish you well Ross and do hope you find a way to get out of the mire you see yourself in.  Life is worth it's struggles and they inevitably make us stronger people.  And I think you can do it.

    Anne

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    • Posted

      Hi, thank you for replying. I live in the Republic of Ireland which legally requires you to have an education up to 16 years old. I'm 17 and my parents are forcing me to finish school. Technically I've done all that's required but my parents want me to do the final 2 years. Unfortunately the school system just doesn't cater to me and the general system doesn't either, but you can't escape it. I don't know what to do. 

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    • Posted

      I know it’s hard. I see that you want to move on, but maybe your parents want you to have what they didn’t have. It sounds like they want you to be educated enough to move on with your life and be on your own. I am not sticking up for them. I am just trying to figure out what is going on. Do you think that you could make it 2 more years knowing that you will be highly educated?
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    • Posted

      Ross, as the mum of a teenager I have to be totally honest and say that I want to shake both of your parents and give them a good old talking to!! I can kind of see that they want you to get the best possible education, but it's YOUR life Ross, not theirs. As you have said, you are perfectly entitled to leave school now that you are 17. And there are plenty of ways, and more importantly plenty of TIME to get yourself more qualifications. It absolutely does not all have to be done at school. There is nothing wrong with leaving, getting a job and taking the time to figure out what you really want to do with your life. Then, if you so wished, you could go to college and get the necessary qualifications to then get into Uni. There are SO many options open to you.

      I think your parents are being stubborn and short sighted. If school is making you this miserable and you are so uninterested in being there, then there really is no point. You probably won't do as well as you should as your heart and mind won't be engaged. I don't know how you get your parent's to listen to you, but I'm sure if they knew how low it was making you feel they might start to have a re-think. 

      I would encourage you to talk to them again. If they still don't listen then rather than suffer for two more years, maybe you could try and get a job and a flat share? That might seem drastic and perhaps is not an option for you at this time, but I really would encourage you to take some control over your life. And I only mention that option as a last resort! It would obviously have to be thought through properly and not on the spur of the moment! I'm just trying to point out, that there is no need for you to suffer two more years of school if that is something YOU don't want to do. I'll say it again Ross...this is YOUR life, not your parent's. And I am saying that as a parent!!

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    • Posted

      Can you make it on your own? Do you have enough education? I’m not sure how the school system works there. Is it too soon to leave school and go to work full time. Although I hate to see you do that . I’m so sorry but I think that your parents are trying to do the right thing for you. What about an adjustment with your meds? Would you be willing to try that ? That always makes me feel better. Is there something in school that you would be interested in besides what you are doing now? Mabe a change in courses? Something that would catch your eye or interest? Education is going to be one of the most important steps in your life. Please think about what I am trying to say. You are important and needed and I’m sure that your parents love you. Please try to think about this.
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