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I can only think of one remedy for Anxiety

Posted , 8 users are following.

paul26157
paul26157

Hello,

I’ve never spoke about this in depth before with anyone, so not sure how it’s going to come across to those kind enough to sit through and read it.

I’m 46 years of age and my story is quite simply a tale of living and struggling with stressful times throughout my life, and in my opinion has left me scarred with anxiety, stress and social anxieties. At the age of 25 I was still living with my parents. I was always known as a worrier, over thinking things, but this didn’t seem to bother me too much… until the day my parents took control of a situation which basically forced my life down a road I didn’t want to take. This has cost me financially over the years and still costs me to the present day and is also one I could barely afford. It left me feeling uncomfortable and anxious, and to this very day, my quality of life is still plagued by it. I tried to take control once, but failed miserably. I explained calmly to my parents what I wanted to change, but it caused eruptions and naturally caused a lot of stress and anxiety for me. I was the selfish son only thinking about myself, they didn’t speak to me properly for months and refused to talk to me about my needs and how the situation was affecting my life. I was trapped, frustrated and angry by the actions of my parents.

Six months on and I met someone. This was a much needed distraction from what had happened, but the situation was always in the back of my mind, niggling and biting away at me. That someone became my soul mate and we eventually got engaged to be married. It did happen quickly, but I was happy and hadn’t felt that in a long time. Needless to say I wanted to share my joy with my parents even though the relationship was still stale with them. My partner and I went to the house where my parents lived and they were in the midst of having lunch. There was an awkward silence at first which I broke by saying, “I have some great news?” They just sat there and continued to eat… “I’ve gotten engaged!” I said….. They didn’t even raise their heads and congratulate me.

The tension was UNBEARABLE!… I just stood there waiting for a response, my eyes filling with tears and I could feel my anger and anxieties building up. This is not what I expected. I just turned away in embarrassment with my partner and left.

Since then and up-to the present day, the relationship between myself, my partner and my parents has gradually improved, even though the situation that was dictated by them all those years ago still has its effects on my marriage and lifestyle today. Finances are tight, it causes arguments between me and my partner, which has led me into making decisions and making mistakes, causing even more stress and anxiety whilst trying simply to put things right.

When I look back, I haven’t truly led an unhappy life, but my life has always had the habit of steering into stressful and anxious times that again leads me down an uncontrollable  path, where I have developed bitterness and anger towards certain individuals…… Including my partner!

If you’ve read this far, thank you.

Maybe I am weak and let people walk all over me?

I am tired of people controlling my life, causing me unwanted anxiety and stress. I stress myself out for not having the nerve to say NO! once in a while. Maybe my life would be different and you’d think I’d be a stronger person today?, but I only feel weak. Anxiety is a part of my everyday life, it wears me down, I struggle to communicate with people I don’t know… infact I’d rather avoid them and everything.If I was a stronger person, I would leave them all behind today, start a new life and spend the rest of my life exactly how I want to…. All by myself!

0 likes, 22 replies

22 Replies

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  • Hollie123
    Hollie123 paul26157

    Posted

    Assertiveness ... Something I lack also .. It's hard to say no when your riddled w

    As for your relationships ... It's a hard 1.. 

  • terri27731
    terri27731 paul26157

    Posted

    Hi Paul

    reading your story it seems to me that you know exactly where your anxiety comes from. Often people's anxiety is generalised and difficult to pinpoint. You don't say if you have children or whether or not you have told your  partner how you feel. I would confide in my partner and depending on the outcome and taking into consideration any children consider leaving and finally living the life I wanted. 

  • zoe01
    zoe01 paul26157

    Posted

    Wow you really have been through it.

    Well done firstly for sharing so much info. And i feel for you.

    I have spent my 20's on a rollercoaster of anxiety,panic, medication, highs, lows, very low lows and im about to turn 30 and really dont want to spend the next 10 years crippled with it.

    How do you cope and how have still come through after such a bad time. 

    • paul26157
      paul26157 zoe01

      Posted

      Thanks zoe, i don't know how i have never have had a nervous breakdown before now!! Me and my partner did split up 4 years ago as well for a few months. when i try to talk to her she just brushes it off basically saying "stop worrying so much, no one died". I do tend to separate myself from time to time from the real world and focus on me, my hobbies like riding the bike and simply watching my favourite movies.
  • blackpoolred
    blackpoolred paul26157

    Posted

    Hi Paul,

    You have not told us what the situation was with your parents and why they did what they did and of course there are 2 sides to every story. However they dont sound like the nicest people in the world(re your engagement news) yet despite this you have grown to be what sounds like a thoughtful and kind man. You should celebrate this, kindness is a strength(particularly in this day and age) and anything but weak.

    Also, if the people in your life dont make you feel anything other than great and fully support you, then ditch them. If you cant ditch them, then limit the time you spend with them.

    Stress, family arguments, problems at work and with finances affect 90% of the population. The anxious amongst us tend to over analyse things and it ends up making us feel more exhausted than the average person. If I come with an answer to solve this problem then I would probably be a millionaire myself. However you could try going on utube: they have millions of free relaxation techniches and relaxing music and hypnosis. I start and end my day on utube.

    Good Luck

    • paul26157
      paul26157 blackpoolred

      Posted

      Hi blackpoolred...

      Well me and my parents used to live on a council estate but some very bad neighbours moved next door and made our lives a misery for about 2 years. The council couldn't do a thing so i looked into buying a house so we could move away. So i did and moved my parents in. When we moved in, my parents agreed to move out when they find somewhere. In the mean time i had a steady girlfriend who also owned her own home but was in the middle of selling. So i asked her to move in with me and when i told my parents, they decided they didn't want to move out. This obviously wasn't the agreement and left me in an awkward position. I don't want to live with my parents the rest of my life, but i couldn't really afford to move out and pay to live somewhere else... I lost my girlfriend and this is when it all started.

  • steadfast
    steadfast paul26157

    Posted

    Some things and relationships you just have to let go.  Praying for those who have hurt you helps.  Asking God to show your character deficiencies helps.  Often we need to start with ourselves.  Asking for forgivenes of your parents without expecting an inkind response may relieve you of some stress, knowing that you've done all you could.  Focus on the positives in your life: the health you do have, the funds you do have, a place to live, able to feel the sun, see nature, and feel the breeze, etc.  There are some things we can not change; we can only change how we respond to them.  Paul, praying for you.
    • paul26157
      paul26157 steadfast

      Posted

      Thank you steadfast...

      You make a lot of sense, and I do totally appreciate the things I have. I just feel very strongly at the moment for removing the things in my life that cause me anxiety and stress and focusing on the things I truly love.

    • steadfast
      steadfast paul26157

      Posted

      Paul, some times you have to make tough decisions that might hurt people or/and make them angry.   Eliminate the stressors if possible.  Talk to a counselor could be helpful.  You must love God, love yourself, and then others.  Try loving yourself to the point of effectively dealing with stressors, whether a person, thing or situation. Take one step at a time.  I have a friend with whom I confide in.  I pray, read scripture, and try to live a godly life.  God loves you.  Love yourself. 
    • paul26157
      paul26157 steadfast

      Posted

      Thankyou so much steadfast.. Its good to finally get other thoughts and opinions.
    • anneporter
      anneporter steadfast

      Posted

      A lot of what you say is true Steadfast, about focusing on the positive and how we respond to things.
  • anneporter
    anneporter paul26157

    Posted

    Well, if the house is inyour name you could sell it, let your parents look after themselves. If not could you just stop paying the mortgage? Paul, we only get one life. Do what it takes to be happy, your wife will survive and be happier in the long run than if you stay. Practice saying no. The more you do it, the easier it is. It will be very hard at first but worth it. Please, do something now. Dont live like this. You will look back with regret. I speak from experience. Anne
    • paul26157
      paul26157 anneporter

      Posted

      Hi Anne, thanks for reading..

      well trying to sell the house was what caused all the eruptions. I was selfish.... They stood their ground and i was trapped with it.

  • anneporter
    anneporter paul26157

    Posted

    I don't understand Paul, not being nosy but if its your house they dont have a say, and you need to be a bit selfish. Nothing wrong with that. Dont let anyone tell you otherwise. Your first priority is your own wellbeing. I have three children lots of bros and sis and a lovely partner. I spend a lot of time effort and money on them, but not ever at the expense of my own health. Without looking after yourself, your no use to anyone else. please listen, you only get one shot at this life.
    • paul26157
      paul26157 anneporter

      Posted

      You're not being nosy at all anne. I appreciate the time you are giving me. I came here to share my experience and to get the thoughts of others hoping to relieve some anxieties, so I expect the questions. I have spent the last 15 years feeling selfish about what I tried to do... to the point I always feel guilty for treating myself without thinking about others.

      Yes! it is my house, my parents understood that, but never have they given any thought to how it has affected my quality of life.

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