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I'm really struggling to cope with my anxiety/panic, it never leaves me alone, I wake up in the morning and straight away my heart is pounding and feel like I want to cry, my Gp prescribed me medication and it's been increased over the past few months, I'm on 40mg of fluoxetine and pregabalin that has just been increased today to 200mg twice daily.
I hate being alone, that's my worst fear and I don't know why as I used to love my alone time when my fiancé went out, but now it's a sudden panic, I'm off work sick and have been since September, my mum died 7 years ago and my dad died 4 years ago, I did my grieving and managed to get back to my old jolly self, I'm only 25 and my life has been a mess since September, I feel shaky, negative thoughts, nausea, toilet troubles, dizziness, and I just want to feel normal again, I feel like I have to put a brave face on at times when all I want to do is burst out in tears, my aunt and uncle live 3 doors away from me so when my fiancé goes to work, il quickly do my housework and then go to my aunts, there not being very supportive as because it's being going on since September, they now get fed up of me crying, and my uncle tells me what more can be done, and now I just feel I have to hide my feelings from them.
My mother in law is brilliant but we live 40 minutes away from her, I have been going down on Friday afternoon and staying for the weekend, but things are getting a bit awkward now as she is getting married in 6 weeks and she's hinting that she needs the weekends to herself now to sort wedding bits out, I have no friends where I live as Iv only lived here 3 years and all my friends are in London near my mother in law.
I have suicidal thoughts that I hate, and they hit me when I'm alone, I want each day to be over as it's tough dealing with this every day, my appetite is very poor, and I want to feel like Hollie again, going back to work, enjoying life, but I just feel so down and depressed and my fiancé has been very supportive but I feel now he has had enough of it and he keeps saying I need to get back to work, but I don't feel up to it.
Can anybody relate to how I'm feeling?
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