I can't cope with having generalized anxiety disorder
Posted , 17 users are following.
Hi everyone
I'm really struggling to cope with my anxiety/panic, it never leaves me alone, I wake up in the morning and straight away my heart is pounding and feel like I want to cry, my Gp prescribed me medication and it's been increased over the past few months, I'm on 40mg of fluoxetine and pregabalin that has just been increased today to 200mg twice daily.
I hate being alone, that's my worst fear and I don't know why as I used to love my alone time when my fiancé went out, but now it's a sudden panic, I'm off work sick and have been since September, my mum died 7 years ago and my dad died 4 years ago, I did my grieving and managed to get back to my old jolly self, I'm only 25 and my life has been a mess since September, I feel shaky, negative thoughts, nausea, toilet troubles, dizziness, and I just want to feel normal again, I feel like I have to put a brave face on at times when all I want to do is burst out in tears, my aunt and uncle live 3 doors away from me so when my fiancé goes to work, il quickly do my housework and then go to my aunts, there not being very supportive as because it's being going on since September, they now get fed up of me crying, and my uncle tells me what more can be done, and now I just feel I have to hide my feelings from them.
My mother in law is brilliant but we live 40 minutes away from her, I have been going down on Friday afternoon and staying for the weekend, but things are getting a bit awkward now as she is getting married in 6 weeks and she's hinting that she needs the weekends to herself now to sort wedding bits out, I have no friends where I live as Iv only lived here 3 years and all my friends are in London near my mother in law.
I have suicidal thoughts that I hate, and they hit me when I'm alone, I want each day to be over as it's tough dealing with this every day, my appetite is very poor, and I want to feel like Hollie again, going back to work, enjoying life, but I just feel so down and depressed and my fiancé has been very supportive but I feel now he has had enough of it and he keeps saying I need to get back to work, but I don't feel up to it.
Can anybody relate to how I'm feeling?
3 likes, 27 replies
scottyninja hollie011288
Posted
Hi Hollie,
I know how you feel. I have had anxiety since the age of 17 and I am now 25. It has and still is robbing me of having a happy life. Similarly to you, as soon as I wake up my brain starts throwing about negative thoughts which causes fear and panic. I believe that this has now just developed into a habit every morning. I've tried fluoxetine, venlafaxine, pregablin and citalopram as well as herbal remedies like valarien. None have really worked. Short term, I use gabapentin which helps give a calming confidence. In the past I've tried a few naughty things too such a cannibis in desperation for some relief with no results. CBT can be effective if the practitioner is competent enough and if the patient puts the work in. My counsellor is unable to provide this therapy consistently as there is around a 6 week waiting list for an appointment. It helps me to try and think positively, be outside in the sunshine and also to make plans with friends which allows me to look forward to things. I know how hard anxiety can be and how tiring the constant battling in your head is. I've came close to a breakdown a few times. The more anxiety takes over, the more it wants to take. You may not feel it but you will have a strength inside to battle this. Life is for living. Go to your GP again and tell them in detail what you are going through. Ask for a referral to an appropriate professional. Although there may be a waiting list for this, in the meantime try making plans with friends, get out the house daily and most importantly know that you are not alone in this.
Guest hollie011288
Posted
Hello Hollie sorry it's taken me so long to reply.i thought by not looking at this sight my symptoms may disappear how wrong I was.i am now in bed I feel so bad .anxiety is so powerful and overwhelming.it sounds like you need more support not just from family and friends but professionals as well.its sad when close ones get fed up with you.i know the feeling.why don't you seek professional help from your dr.there is support out there.and sounds like you need it right now.without the professional support I get I wouldn't be here.but it's an ongoing struggle every day I would like if only one day where I didn't have any GAD symptoms.its been so long.like you times I just cry uncontrollably nobody seems to know how to deal with me so it's brushed under carpet.i don't know myself anymore it's like my body is diseased and it's going to kill me. please go and talk with your dr you will be supprised how they can help
firdaus53278 hollie011288
Posted
Guest firdaus53278
Posted
Morning Firdaus.so sorry to hear of your anxiety.yes it's a awful life with this disease.iv been awake again most of the night.stomach churning.i do everything possible to distract my mind .like mindfulness grounding ECT nothing even eases this crippling disease.i now can't stand people been within feet of me.or loud noise of any nature.i am so jumpy at almost anything.i constantly worry about worrying.its a circle I want to exscape but can't.iv had every therapy out there nothing helps.somedays I just cry all day they say it's the anxiety hard to believe.all drs seem to have giving up on me kind but fed up with me .just like everyone around me they just dismiss this disease like its just me now.i just somedays can't cope at all then others somehow I just manage to get through a day without to much of the vomiting stomach cramps sweating I could go on and on .i truly hope your trying to get professional support.take care of yourself in spite of your illness
lawrence19147 hollie011288
Posted
Hi everyone, especially to Ms.Hollie,I know this forum is like ages ago and I just happened to stumble upon it.i too is severely suffering from this horrible condition.im from Asia and over here mental illness is not really that much in the open,less information and not much professionals and facilities.if there's any, it's not very accessible and very expensive.i did managed to go to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed GAD 2 years ago.given 20mg.of Sertraline it help a bit but not that much,right now I'm just having bad days and worst days,it's becoming harder and harder each passing day.reading forums and testimonials from others are the only thing that's keeping me from loosing my mind right now.sorry I just need someone,somehow to find answers! Appreciate it very much if anyone reply, especially Ms.Hollie,would love to know any update from you.thanks!
Guest lawrence19147
Posted
Guest hollie011288
Posted
Hi Hollie living hell is what your describing.firstly 17 was so young to loose your mum..did you go for councilling. It could be worth a thought..as behind this disease of anxiety there’s always a reason.wanting to be round people is understandable as the panic attacks are so frighting.please visit your dr again and ask for more support.your far to young to be parmed of with mrpedication alone..my panick attacks have now turned into what’s called a generalised anxiety disorder .it causes all the symptoms your talking about but without ang free time..I also wake and cry thinking I can’t do this any mire.last week I got a crushing pain in my chest .new to me so I. Called out of hours .they sent a paramedic whom said anxiety..he was very kind and called the mental health team in..they took me to the hospital where I was told I was psychotic delusional..and had to undergo a 3 hour assessment with two s Cpschristists and a social worker.as they considered keeping me in a psychticic hospital.awful is a polite word to use..lucky for me I have a CPN and my own psychristie .whom I asked them to speak with them the following morning.and in meantime allow me to go home..they seemed to have little or no understanding on what anxiety can do to ones mind and body..I iventually was allowed home .next morning cpn visited said it was all ludicrous what had happened in hospital.but now I am left in limbo afraid of opening up to my true feelings incase this happened again..I sleep little so understand for you the toilet see more of me in the first hours in the mornings than anyone else..I have what dr calls anxiety stomach..my feet mouth burn so much it’s like a fire going on.i sweat compulsive.in this weather if I do go out I can’t wear a coat .as I know at some point the anxiety will hit and of comes the coat .i don’t have anybody I can properly confide in ..infact my life revolves around helpline numbers..it’s no way to live your life.my heart goes out to you.your just a young lady whom shouldn’t need to go through this disabling disease.please visit your gp ask for referral to see a psychiatrist.from there hopefully you may get allocated a cpn whom are wonderful people and can get you all sorts of help..sadly I think your mother in law needs to rethink her priorities.maybe she is busy with wedding plans.but your her daughter in law without your own mum around..your health and wellbeen should be at the top of her list ..I do hope your fiancé is supportive to you.please talk to me any time I am and always will be here for you..big hugs from me to you someone whom truly gets it
E25 hollie011288
Posted
Guest hollie011288
Posted
Hi Hollie my heart goes out to you.i completely get what your saying.please please ask for more help.if you suffer alone it will just fester and become the biggest part of you.thats what I done .and all these years later I am getting worse.i struggle now to do the simplist things that most would do without a thought.i can honestly say I struggle to stay out of bed.the pain I get has increased to all over my body.just been with people is totally overwhelming.infear everything in life.and for me I see no way out now.its to late for me.but not you.your so very young and sounds like you have good family support.but you also need more professional support.you could start by asking your gp to refer you for some therapy .have you heard about CBT .i tried it many many years ago.to be honest I can’t remember how or if it helped at that time.so much has been offered to me.its takes strength to face full on what’s the root cause of your illness.but trust in me if you do at this very young age there’s great hope that you will recover and again learn to live a happy fullfilled life.having suicide thoughts on there own is very scary.i am completely consumed with death.its such a waste of a life.it honestly makes me question where’s the point in life in the first place.depression will make your anxiety peek to highest level.sleeping can be disturbed badly.honestly I can’t remember the last time I slept a straight 5 hours.inspite of all the medication I take this disbileating illness is overwhelming.it totally controls every impact of my life.so truly my heart goes out to you.i totally get what your saying.it took drs years to convince me my physical symptoms where a result of my anxiety.and still today I still question my gp.as I can’t believe that anxiety can cause such debilitating symptoms.stay as strong as you can ..
rich81084 hollie011288
Posted
Guest rich81084
Posted
Hi rich81084. In answer have I improved after years later.sadly no I havnt and if possible I have just became more anxious than iv ever been.its heartbreaking to read about so many young people suffer this way.its such a waste of a life.i rarely leave my home now due to fear.its completely controls every part of my life.i am never free from this disabling disease.it consumes every bit of energy I have.if I do go out everything gets so much worse.and all I can think of is getting home to bed.my body and mind is totally consumed with frightening thoughts.i can’t shift I get little sleep and when I do I suffer awful vivid dreams .or even night terrors.yes I have and still do gets lots of support from mental health but nothing helps.i truly believe iv lived far to long with it.medication once helped relieve symptoms to a degree.but I have became resilient to them.so I gain little help from them these days.i think I’d be a lot worse if I wasn’t to stay on my meds.i do hope and pray all young people seek the help in the early stages.and don’t end up living there life the way I do.i hope this is for you also.please seek medical help.i truly wish you a brighter future.for myself I almost feel like I havnt a purpose anymore.and just waiting to die.what a waste of a life.but when I look around I can’t but question what’s the point in life if this is what it’s going to be like.at times I question as to why we were giving life in the first place.its pointless in my opinion.i said this once to a member of my family.she said so sad to hear you say that.i questioned her asking her surely youv felt this at some point.and she said no never.i don’t get why other members of my family live normal happy lives.and I am this way.they say they understand but of course they don’t and can’t.as you really have to go through it to gain the slightest understanding.iv been out this morning by bus to return quickly by taxi.took meds and can only lay down for relief to my body.i have no energy to even do the simpilst of things.i will think often of you and pray you find a way I never managed to.it certainly hurts to hear how this affects you.be kind to yourself and seek as much help as you can.you deserve to live a fulfilling happy life.do let me know how things are for you.its nice to know there’s someone out there that gets where your coming from.please feel free to ask anything you feel may help you.
jrc78341 hollie011288
Posted
Thanks to Hollie and everyone here for sharing. It is comforting to know I am not alone in my struggle. I feel like people here understand what crushing anxiety is really like. I suffer from severe anxiety. It is ruining my life and I’m thinking about suicide frequently. I love my wife and three kids dearly. I too have lost my appetite, have trouble sleeping, have frequent panic attacks at work and at home. I’ve tried different medications and meditation and prayer and exercise and self help books. Nothing has really helped. I last had a horrific episode in 2011. I got better, so much so that in 2013 we had a third child because my wife was so confident in my recovery. And now in March of this year (2018) it has come back with a vengeance. So yeah, I can relate.