I can't do this alone
Posted , 13 users are following.
Where to begin? Well, I'm an alcoholic, I guess I'll start there. I've tried quitting a million times before and always to no avail. Right now I am in hangover hell and I am looking forward to that first drink that is guaranteed to kill this hangover. And that is how I operate.
I have been drinking almost daily for about 7 years. And I have been alone for the last 7 years. This is no coincidence. I chose alcohol. But now I'm beginning to see how these two factors really perpetuate each other. I don't want to be alone anymore.
But who would want me in my current state? Alcohol has robbed me of everything of value that I once possesed. My humor, my wit, my creativity. All of it, gone. I'm am a drunken, empty shell. I want my self back. I want to be that girl who loved, and enjoyed life, who froliced in the sun, who danced in the rain. I don't want to be that girl who hides inside her house all day, too drunk to face the world. I can't live like this anymore. This is not living.
So I find myself here. Because I can't go it alone. I've managed to keep my problem a secret from my friends and family. They haven't a clue. I live alone and have no one in my life who is paying attention to what I'm doing to myself on a daily basis. No one knows that I'm slowly killing myself. And because no one knows, I know that I am not letting anyone down when I reach for that bottle at 9 o'clock in the morning. My hope is that someone here will pay attention.
Tomorrow I quit drinking. (I know, why not today but I have my reasons. Doesn't an alcoholic always have her reasons?) But I promise- tomorrow I will quit. I know I've made that promise before but it was solely to myself. But now I'm making this promise to everyone, to the universe. Maybe I'll keep it this time.
Thanks for listening.
2 likes, 65 replies
Misssy2 ichooselif43323
Posted
If you have changed from a fun loving person to a shell..the look in your eyes tells it all.
Wondering how you are doing - and if you are able to not drink with ease (I feel your pain in your post and just possibly you really are done).
ichooselif43323 Misssy2
Posted
vickylou ichooselif43323
Posted
Are you still finding it easy? Are you aiming for controlled drinking, or total abstainance.
i don't really understand where you're coming from. You don't need medication, you say you're not alcohol dependant, not drinking is easy, so am a bit confused as to what you want
vickylou ichooselif43323
Posted
Hi
I'm not being funny or critical here. However I am confused as to what you want to achieve , abstainance or controlled drinking .?
you say the not drinking bit is easy and you've no withdrawal symptoms. You also said you don't want medication as you don't need it.
lonliness seems to play a big part in your life. As we get older, all sorts if niggles begin to surface and with no-one to talk to and being so alone makes you magnify problems. There's no-one there to rationalise your worries, so consequently they become more real.
Have you a hobby where you would have to go out and converse with people, instead of dwelling on things alone. Have you no friends or family to talk to.
Voluntary work is a great way to get out, see and talk to people. Try not to let other people's views on your drink problem affect you. You may think that no-one knows about your drinking. People often think no-one knows their 'secret' the chances are that they do know, but are too embarrassed to mention it.
what about work colleagues? Do you have anyone at work you could talk to. I don't wish to be rude, but someone once said to me "you only get out of life what you put in" in other words if you make an effort to help with your lonliness, fill in your time and get motivated in something, instead of being sad and alone with no friends. It's got to be worth trying at least. It would give you some confidence and improve your self esteem. Anything but sitting drinking alone each night will only get worse not better
vickylou ichooselif43323
Posted
I hate it when people start a new discussion and then disappear . Why ask for help and advice and then ignore everyone.
sometimes it would be nice to learn the outcome of some of the stories we've replyed to
RHGB vickylou
Posted
It tends to happen a lot with people from the US. They seem to just want a bit of light hearted, big hugs to you hun and I'm praying for you hun.
When it gets down to some serious stuff about drining, having to take medications and really make life changes to help beat it, they tend to revert to AA mode.
I'm not saying all people from the US are like this, but there is a certain mindset and it is just different. Personally I don't usually reply to a US thread for this reason, because I don't feel that I can add a lot.
vickylou RHGB
Posted
Yes you're right as usual! Most seem to love amateur dramatics, probably to get a reaction. Thanks for the explanation
Robin2015 vickylou
Posted