I can't do this alone
Posted , 13 users are following.
Where to begin? Well, I'm an alcoholic, I guess I'll start there. I've tried quitting a million times before and always to no avail. Right now I am in hangover hell and I am looking forward to that first drink that is guaranteed to kill this hangover. And that is how I operate.
I have been drinking almost daily for about 7 years. And I have been alone for the last 7 years. This is no coincidence. I chose alcohol. But now I'm beginning to see how these two factors really perpetuate each other. I don't want to be alone anymore.
But who would want me in my current state? Alcohol has robbed me of everything of value that I once possesed. My humor, my wit, my creativity. All of it, gone. I'm am a drunken, empty shell. I want my self back. I want to be that girl who loved, and enjoyed life, who froliced in the sun, who danced in the rain. I don't want to be that girl who hides inside her house all day, too drunk to face the world. I can't live like this anymore. This is not living.
So I find myself here. Because I can't go it alone. I've managed to keep my problem a secret from my friends and family. They haven't a clue. I live alone and have no one in my life who is paying attention to what I'm doing to myself on a daily basis. No one knows that I'm slowly killing myself. And because no one knows, I know that I am not letting anyone down when I reach for that bottle at 9 o'clock in the morning. My hope is that someone here will pay attention.
Tomorrow I quit drinking. (I know, why not today but I have my reasons. Doesn't an alcoholic always have her reasons?) But I promise- tomorrow I will quit. I know I've made that promise before but it was solely to myself. But now I'm making this promise to everyone, to the universe. Maybe I'll keep it this time.
Thanks for listening.
2 likes, 65 replies
Nat666 ichooselif43323
Posted
Let tomorrow come this time...only you know what alcohol is doing to you and how you want to be as a person...I have been a wine drinker for a long time and that couple bottles or three binge for me was a killer and I too didn't want to be like that.... so I am in the process of change as I too didn't want to be that person either .....it's a good enough reason to do something about it...I chose meds and they are making a big difference already .. Like you I was too embarrassed to see my GP
ichooselif43323 Nat666
Posted
vickylou Nat666
Posted
why be embarrassed about having a recognised medical illness/disease, call it what you like AUD is a medical condition.
If you fell and broke your arm, or kept being in pain, surely you'd go to your doctor, or would you pay to see a consultant? Each to their own, we make our own decisions and it's entirely up to the individual which route you take.
ichooselif43323 vickylou
Posted
I understand where you're coming from but ultimately, I am the one that decides to put that drink to my lips. When I broke my arm, that was not my decision.
Nat666 ichooselif43323
Posted
Keep on going and keep on posting..Many of us have different ways of dealing with our issue and it's what you feel comfortable with right nowand maybe who knows you might eventually feel you need some outside help beyond the anonymity of a site such as this .Your sobriety will bring you the courage to maybe seek other support if needs be ..The future is bright 🌞
gretchen22024 ichooselif43323
Posted
If you have drank today and gave in. Let's make tomorrow and new day for both of us!
I know I just replied to your post on mine cuz you helped me! Your story helped me and reading about the person you talked about being it me too. I have always been the person to try to help others, happy, smiling. I've got a pageant crown in my bedroom from past years, voted best personality. (I am in no means bragging, I just know where you are coming from!) I know who I am inside and I've used my time drinking and sleeping my life away lately. I'm still miss happy in public but then there is the sad alone that sits by herself on a computer at home or sleeping a day away.
I am determined this time! I want to make this secret disappear from my life from this day forward and thank the Lord, it's been a good 2 days! Hopefully 2 days, will become 3, 4, 5....forever!
We have to get through this! I hope you read my reply to your post on mine.
God Bless You!
ichooselif43323 gretchen22024
Posted
I'm with you sister. You're 2 days ahead of me, that's awesome! 2 days doesn't sound like much but when every day is a struggle...every day you succeed is a milestone. I hope to be where you are, two days from now. Thanks for reaching out, it means a lot!
ichooselif43323
Posted
gretchen22024 ichooselif43323
Posted
It's here, sister! Don't get me wrong I'm tapering so I've had a little in those 2 days. Day #3, hopefully even less. I feel good so far! Goal is for tomorrow to be the last drop and Monday none forever!
That's the plan!
You hang in there today! One minute at a time!
ichooselif43323 gretchen22024
Posted
Today was easy. I've reached the point where I am just so disgusted with myself, and my body is so tired from the abuse, that I just want so badly to be done with this, once and for all. I'm looking forward to feeling good tomorrow. I'm looking forward to waking up and feeling like a normal human being! But- I do worry that tomorrow will be harder. Because when I'm feeling good, I usually want to celebrate! I'm pretty confident that I won't imbibe, but I know the temptation will be stronger. But- I will resist! And I'm glad your staying the course! Congrats on another good day.
gretchen22024 ichooselif43323
Posted
I failed miserable the past few days. I'm disgusted with myself. So here I go again. Like you said I want to wake up and feel normal again.
I'm gonna do this. I hope you are still doing well.
Robin2015 ichooselif43323
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virginia62747 ichooselif43323
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gretchen22024 virginia62747
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Virginia, I feel for you! I'm on here because I have a issue too. My family and friends don't know. My Dad is dead due to it and she is disabled and I'd never want her to know. I feel for you as a Mother! I can't imagine watching my children go through this and never thought I would have taken this path. Going on day 3 for me and I am determied to do this. It's not a good life and like your son, I have spent more money that I would wanna know or can afford on it.
It must tear your heart out watching those around you kill themselves in the same way. God be with you and your sons. I just said a prayer for you all. That is where I am putting my faith!
ichooselif43323 virginia62747
Posted
Thanks so much for being here Gina. I'm sorry you have to watch your son suffer in such a manor. I know that if my mother knew what I have been doing to myself, it would break her heart. I hope your son recognizes his problem and gets the help he needs.
Happy to say I got through the day and never even considered a drink. I can't wait to wake up tomorrow, and not feel poison in my body. Thanks for having my back.
virginia62747 gretchen22024
Posted
Thank you..means alot! Good for u stick with it hun it does get better and better u will see.Ivpray that my 3 adult children see what its doing the people around them this alcohol addiction is very selfish i see it in more ways than one.I will also be praying for you.You deserve a life of happiness, your friend Gina😊
Robin2015 virginia62747
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