I can't stop

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I'm 26 and have drank heavily for 12 years. I've tried aa, drugs from the doctor, I've been rock bottom. I just can't seem to stop. I want to, i don't enjoy the feeling on a morning after I've drank. I don't enjoy feeling scared about whether i can afford drink. I wake up and think, can i drink today. I hate myself for it. I went through a lot as a child, between the age of 2 and 19 i was abused by 8 family members, 6 strangers and 1 friend. I thought i had dealt with it. I see a councillor now and i still just need a drink to dull the pain and anxiety. I'm scared and my family just say to get over it.

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  • Posted

    god thats a lot to deal with .sad

    no wonder you feel you need a drink hun.

    but try and think of  not drinking as being good to yourself .

    dont let what others have done to you ruin your life

    i had a tough child hood to and i know its not easy 

    but please hun get as much help as you can 

    get a self hypnoses  cd choose  one for self confidence do it daily 

    find other ways to distract yourself , are you able to be with people could you not work as a volunteer with some charity .distraction and being kind to your self will help , drink plenty of fizzy water fills you up rehydrtaes you ,your also consuming a lot of sugar in the alchol so you have two addications  .to break .so go slow 

    and dont be to hard on your self if it takes a while to to crack it .just keep trying

    water your drink down with lemonade do more as you can till the alchol in nil 

    and remember the samertians are on line 24hrs a day ,and you can even email them . so bekind hun start and get even if you don tthey have won .

    won reversed is now start now , small steps ,your get there.razz 

     

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  • Posted

    Dear, dear Kristina, I am so very sorry that you have suffered imaginable pain and hurt, I am not surprised that you have turned to alcohol...

    I was just like you, I drank every day ( I have a wonderful family who always stood by me )...I had a very, very, very bad alcohol problem, like you, I hated what I was doing, and how I felt... it very nearly killed me, I was in a way lucky...... I was sectioned four times into a mental health HOSPITAL which literally saved my life.... I detoxed safely, three times at home...

    It was not easy, I slipped many, many, many times.... but I have been well for twelve years, absolute bliss.....I DON'T wake up Every day with that awful, awful, awful craving and self hatred...

    Has you been referred, or been to yourself... C A S....COMMUNITY ALCOHOL SERVICE....they were an absolute godsend to me in so very many ways. .please, please, please, please get some help, I feel for you so much, I was abused also and other worse things, but have hope...

    You are young, you are not a bad or weak or terrible person, you deserve to be happy the same as anyone else, you can get through this, I promise, I was horrendous !!! And now I am well, you can be too... ask for all of the help you can get, you are entitled to it....

    You will be in my thoughts and prayers... please take care young lady, sincere very best wishes to you...Deirdre xxxx

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  • Posted

    Im just curious if you have thought of going to a long term treatment center, atleast 90+ days..?

    If you really want this badly , a you definately seem to, I know if would help tremendously to be in a different living situatin, among other women struggling the same way, with addiction, trauma, etc.

    and learning to live sober for a long period of time, and get proper counselling while you are there, living sober in a place like that prepares you for living in 'the real world' sober. I would recommend that , even if you have been to one before , go again , and definately for 3 to 6 months.

    Here in Canada we also have whats called 2nd stage sober houses to live in after completion and dischargethe treatment center should the woman need it.

    good luck smile

    V

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  • Posted

    Can you go to detox or have you tried it before.

    my heart goes out to you, things you habe been through no one deserves that.

    Hang in dont give up trying.

    Sue

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  • Posted

    Kristina,

    I had a pops who seemed to get mad every now and then and put his hands on me growing up.  For a long time I drank because I bought all of his bullsh*t of "having a face for radio" and "not being able to laid in a hundred dollar whorehouse with thousands of dollars in my hands..."  The fact of the matter is that you will stop when you want to.  You have to forgive yourself.  Find a something you are passionate about, for me it was Jack Daniels so I had to find another passion and do it.  Get your endorphins up in the gym, running, or even walking.  How cliche-ish but stop and smell the roses.  Talk, talk, and talk and just find another outlet.  I will be rooting for you!  Matt

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  • Posted

    Wow, Kristina, from what I see from this, YOU ESCAPED into a bottle and have little power to over come these threats. What a ruthless family you put up with. Without a doubt you have lived a tough life for only as a child, almost woman, you haven't reached it yet sweety.

    Me, I'm an old man of 62 and have seen way too much anybody should have to go thru. You will definetly get lots of support on this site, me included.

    When or if you want a one-on-one, Just let me know, I'm here for you.

    Take care, Tim

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  • Posted

    One other thing Kristina, if you are in the UK, there is a new med called Nalmefene you should REALLY inquire about. Ask Paul J Hunter (modreator) as he is more in the know than I am. It is legal over there and still waiting to hear when it will be available to me here in Canada. More to come as we fight this disease.

    Good luck and please keep me informand.

    Your new friend, Tim

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  • Posted

    You will get much better support on here than from your family, who obviously have no idea what you are going through.

    Don't be scared, all will be well, bless you.

    Pat xxxx

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  • Posted

    Thank you all for your kind words, it's good knowing there are people who will listen and understand.

    I've heard of thag drug but for me taking drugs isn't the best option as I've taken many overdoses in the past and i don't like to have that temptation around just incase. I'm just lost at the minute. I've been through so much and obviously haven't dealt with it, i suffer badly from anxiety as well which i know is made worse by drinking, however in the moment when I'm drinking i forget about my anxiety andcan block out bits of what happened to me.

    I'll definitely try taking up something like walking, there's a local walking group i could join which would help get me out more.

    Thank you for all the advice, it's very much appreciated

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    • Posted

      keep trying never give up hun . 

      i know your proberly think i am bit gaga eek

      but i was looking in to spiritul  retreats and

      i was surprized at just how many buddists retreats there were in hte UK you dont have to be a buddist for most of them,biggrin

      have you thought of looking into something like that .

      get away from everything and everyone and find peace with in your self .just a thought exclaim

       

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    • Posted

      Hi there, it's actually funny you said that as it's something I've always wanted to do but never got round to. I'm into Buddhism and meditation so it may be what i need :-) thank you for reminding me of that! X
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    • Posted

      well there you go then hun 

      you take a look on the net i noticed some of them even have buddist who will lend you a supporting ear if you want someone to talk to 

      i believe you can stay for a week end or longer depending on your finaces.

      i think you would get the support and understanding at one of these retreats , that you wont find any where eles.

      let me know hun what you decide . and how you got on if you decide to go .

      i  am still looking into it  for myself . i hope you will find peace in your heart soon .

       

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    • Posted

      maybe this could be your way to recovery . i hope so

      .thanks for saying your let me know .fingers crossed loads of luck .lol

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