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I can't take much more

Posted , 17 users are following.

10derdigits
10derdigits

Hi, I'm Chris, I'm 45 and I can't cope.

This is my story.

I Have suffered with various stomach grumbles all my life. I have never been a sick person (only physically sick once from a bug in 30 years) but always had bloating, uncomfortableness. Paid many a trip to the doctors but it was always Gaviscon or more lately Omeprazole. I must also point out I suffery from acute anxiety, OCD and depression. Not on any meds though at the moment.

Anyway, towards the end of July, after eating out a lot over the course of the month, my stomach started to feel off. No pain, no sickness but just off. Then I had some bad cases of instant intestinal discomfort followed by a quick dash to the toilet and a bit of a mess in the bowl. This happened several times. Also, when my toilet was not runny, it was Tan in colour, nearly mustard. I went to the doctors, had a full bowel physical inspection and full bloods done. All ok. Had a week away in Cornwall, apart from one "Dash to the toilet", everything calmed down apart from the colour was still lighter than usual. I went back to the doctors as they had put my on Sertraline for my anxiety but I had stopped taking it. I had another bowel inspection (different doctor), I explained my yellow poo but he said I was not saying anything that rang his alarm bells. No visible blood in stool, no constipation, no diarrhea. Just this horrible yellow poo. He made me an appointment to see a Mental Health specialist. I went away, felt better. I started to change my diet (I was 14st 6ish, 5ft 10). I was drinking coffee and tea all day, 1 large sugar in each, up to 15 cups. Snacked on biscuits and was getting little exercise as I am currently off work long term for an ankle injury. I cut milk out, bread, all sweets and cakes etc. I had to go back to the doctors for a follow up, this time my wife came with me as she cannot cope with my anxiety. I must say, thtoughout all this I have been so anxious and stressed. I spent 22 hours straight googling cancer, making notes. I googled 2700 websites in 48 hours. Cancer is in my every thought. I cannot have a second in the day where I'm not thiking about it. 

The doctor explained he could just start sending me for tests but with my personality I would never be happy, first Endoscopy, then I would want a Colonoscopy, then if they came back clear I would switch to liver. He is right about that, with my current frame of mind anyway. 

So, on top of all this I started weighing mysef daily starting about 3 weeks ago. I was (naked on a pair of Tesco own digital scales about 14st 6). 

Over the last week I stepped up the exercise, just walking. Walked about 28 miles this week at a good pace. I have no problems with walking, I have no energy loss or fatigue and I'm a healthy colour. Actually I'm fed up with people telling me how well I look. Now several days last week my poop changed. It wasn't perfect (to me a hard walnut brown is perfect) but it wasn't the mustard colour it had been. And I go regular, always between 5.30 and 6.30am. Weighing myself daily I noticed weight loss. Now normally I would be over the moon but no, my head just linked straight to cancer. I would weigh myself over and over. Now yesterday I went to the toilet and it was a proper stool but it was light, I instantly started to sweat with fear. That was it, my day was ruined. I spend the whole morning (even though we were at an exhibiton) crying inside. I was overwhelmed with feeling of (no one believes me, not even my wife). We went for food, we came home, I had to pop to the loo again. It was just a small amount but it was yellow and floating. "Malabsorbtion" my brain keeps screaming. That would explain the weight loss!! I started to goole and ending up spending 6 hours moving from forum to forum looking at bowel cancer stories, trying to find people with similar symptoms. I didn't though. It seems the compete opposite to yellow poo is one of the most noticed fisrt symptoms of bowel cancer but I get no relief from reading that. So anyway, I have weighed myself this morning and I am 13st13 naked. My head started spinning, I can hardly breathe. Cancer Cancer Cancer is all I can hear. I just can't cope with this. Fast weight loss, yellow poo. What can I do now? I'm even frightened to go to the toilet as I already know it will be yellow. 

3 likes, 27 replies

27 Replies

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  • kim59492
    kim59492 10derdigits

    Posted

    I don't really know where to start diet wise. I know I have to avoid onions at all cost. But that's it really. 

    I tried fodmap but wasn't that successful. If I eat veg now after not eating it for so long I get cramps a few hours later and wind pains. 

    Any tips in what I should be eating to calm this over active gut of mine please ? 

    I'm also having probiotic yog with linseed twice a day. 

    • marey
      marey kim59492

      Posted

      yog and linseed....brilliant!

      could you make your own coconut yoghurt? If you like I'll share my recipe?  xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

      but it is the flaxseed and flax oil, organic that you want to get down!

  • 10derdigits
    10derdigits

    Posted

    Arrrrgh, just typed a really long reply and it didn't post. Anyway, to sum it up, woke up at 5.30, straight to the loo (no sense of urgency). I started sweating with fear before I even sat down. Played with my phone (usual ritual) dreading the sounds, smells and the possible colour. "I shall not peep"! Well that didnt happen, of course I did and I was shocked, totally, to see a "Normal" poo. Just a traditional, walnut coloured unmessy, unstringy bowel movement. I could of cried. I know this doesn't mean my bowel uncomfortableness is gone but what it does do is reinforce my defence strategy to combat cancer phobia. I will always be nervous, stressed and a worrier and I am going to do what ever it takes to support my battle againt it. I can help myself with more exercise, better diet, new interests etc. What I want to say is a huge thank you to all of you who took time out to read and comment. It's been one of the best things I have done. I have read posts from people like me on other sites and people have just fuelled their fears with stories of dying, 6 months to live etc. This has been a totally positive experience and thats credit to this community. 

    So thank you and have a marvellous day. I will continue to post with updates :-)

    ​Chris

  • tina_70513
    tina_70513 10derdigits

    Posted

    Hi I know exactly how you feel, doesn't matter what anyone tells me I am convinced I have some sort of cancer at the moment I'm worried I have bowel cancer, I'm 28 and have suffered with anxiety and depression for years no.matter what is wrong it comes back to cancer and I can't stop myself Googlin symptoms, if you have diarrhea when your poo is yellow it's normal as it's passing through your system to quick, I have suffered from lower abdominal pain nearly constantly for a year and frequent bowel movements sometimes diarrhea but mainly pain, I've been docs so many times and they all keep saying ibs but I can't accept it 
    • 10derdigits
      10derdigits tina_70513

      Posted

      Hi Tina. Thanks for taking the time to read my original post and commenting on your own experience. When I first started to feel overpowering thoughts about having Cancer I felt so lost and alone. I Couldn't tell friends, I certainly couldn't tell family, so I went to the doctors only to feel almost neglected when they didn't confirm my self diagnosis. It's funny, they do, I think, 6 years of training, spend day in day out looking after and and dealing with the sick yet in my head my Google powered self diagnosis is more accurate than theirs. If you are anything like me then you will always rememeber that one story of misdiagnosis, that one man, woman who was dismissed with IBS and it turned out to be bowel cancer. Now I have no doubt that this has happened but what about all the other people they have diagnosed correctly and have saved? We never think about those? It's not the way we work. It's the same principal as 100 people in a line, the first 99 compliment you and the last one criticises you and thats the only one you will remember. I think being as vulnerable as we are we latch on to "Worst possible outcome". When I went to the doctors with this, going back 4 weeks now, I had left files ready on my computer so people would have access to my finances, pay bills etc as I thought I would go to the surgery, be rushed to hospital and never leave. I am a 45 year old man, I have travelled to the other side of the world and back without a care and now I am this obsessive compulsive self diagnoser who has no life as I am to afraid to live it. Coming on here has been brilliant though, I have had bad experiences with health forums, troll mainly just being nasty but not on here. You, like myself, really need to stop googling symptoms. We all do it, even the strong minded I'm sure but it effects people diffrently. You could demand a colonoscopy I'm sure? But would you be happy if that came back clear? Would you then shift to your Stomach and request and endoscopy? Then move on to liver if that's clear, then pancreas and so on and so on? That's what my brain would do. I have had to learn to trust my doctor. For most, bowel cancer is picked up with blood in the stool. I have not seen that, ever, nor mucus. I am generally fit, all my bloods were ok so I have to trust my doctor. If I worry more I will go back. I am so determined to not google anything to do with medicine now. I have now cut all milk from my diet, tea and coffee, cheese etc (there will always be something out of my control if I go out to eat but this applies to my home life) and I intend to stick with it. I already feel better. I was on 15 cups of coffee with sugar and milk a day, munching cheese, eating icecream and I had bloated around my middle terribly. in 3 weeks I have lost 6 lbps from my new diet, with help from a little stress and a lot of walking. 

      :-)

  • ted72445
    ted72445 10derdigits

    Posted

    Hello Chris,

    Firstly don't worry about cancer until you're actually diagnosed - I had skin cancer, the most deadly form, 5 years ago and have completely recovered. Usually, the medics can pick up on the tell-tale signs before you do. What I highly recommend to you is - if you're really worried about cancer - is to get a book by Bernadette Bohan called "The Choice / The Programme". She survived chemo for breast cancer twice. Her book tells you all you need to know about how to avoid most of the things which can trigger cancer. Prevention is the way forward - and her ideas about diet are spot on, also for IBS. I cannot recommend it highly enough. She's been on the telly and had articles in the newspapers. Her message is essentially, we are poisoning ourselves. If you put the wrong type of fuel in your car, it won't go. The same applies to us eating the wrong foods.

    Secondly, ask your GP to refer you to a gastro-enterologist. Tell him about your symptoms. I did this myself when I was worried about a weight loss problem I had around 10 years ago. Like you, I thought it might be due to mal-absorption. I asked the gastro whether my body was rejecting fat, hence the weight loss.

    He said that if my digestive system was not properly absorbing the food I ate and if my body was not storing fat, my faeces (poo) would be yellow. For me, that was not the case and after a series of different tests, everything was normal and I was no wiser as to why I had lost a lot of weight.

    In your case, the yellow faeces could be a warning sign due to poor diet, lack of exercise etc etc and a gastro-enterologist should check it out. He will probably send you for a number of tests to try and narrow down the cause. Don't be surprised if they all test normal. (If they do, read some of the posts about IBS here and you'll see that the medical world haven't developed a cure for it yet - but there are some promising signs.)

    From my own experience, if I was in your position, I would (1) change my diet - cut out booze, cigs, junk food (2) try Bernadette Bohan's regime - especially juicing (3) exercise moderately (4) for the next month after doing this, monitor whether you are still passing yellow faeces (5) if you are, see a gastro and get some tests done.

    Mal-absorption could be due to loads of different reasons and completely unrelated to anything cancerous. It may be that because you're getting older, your body isn't able to stand up to sessions at the pub as much as it used to. Also, you may have developed IBS or something related to it and nothing to do with anything life-threatening. You could have become gluten-intolerant or lactose-intolerant - taken any anti-biotics during the past 6 months ?

    Anyhow, read Bernadette Bohan and get on the front foot. Instead of worrying unnecessarily, try juicing, maybe wheatgrass, fresh fruit and veg, no processed stuff (forget biscuits, white bread etc), lay off the booze, give up smoking if you do and see whether the change in diet etc makes a difference. I bet it will and you'll also feel much better.

  • ted72445
    ted72445 10derdigits

    Posted

    I also wanted to add - from my own experience - your GP should have had blood tests done for you and these might give a preliminary clue about your general state of health and any reasons for weight loss / mal-absorption / non-retention of fat (if that's what it is) etc. In my case, I thought there might have been problems with my pancreas but the blood tests didn't show anything untoward. There are loads of different blood tests for everything imaginable but the chemical analysis should pinpoint how each of your main bodily organs are working or if there are chemical deficiencies which highlight warning signs. If your GP hasn't done any tests, get referred to a gastro. That is the starting point. (At the same time, I would get onto juicing and some "stir-raws" [see Bohan]) Forget the doom and gloom - your diet / lifestyle may be making you feel depressed. Bohan should get you on the right track.
  • j30542
    j30542 10derdigits

    Posted

    HI; just wanted to comment on your 'yellow poo'. This is indicative of too much fat in the stool (either by malabsorbtion or by eating things that contain too much fat (like macadamia nuts!). You can take digestive enzymes to combat malabsorbtion; but the real culprit would then lay in your gallbladder and liver funcitons that affect the bowel etc. ) by improving your diet you have excellent; but if you are still having issues with your bowel; you may want to read up on liver and bile and also read up on pysllium husks (whose secondary function aprt from bowel assistance is to assist wtih bile).. this in turns helps your gallbladder function. HOpe this is of help.
  • kpsra
    kpsra 10derdigits

    Posted

    I dont have to post my story...you just told my story.
  • rachael90088
    rachael90088 10derdigits

    Posted

    First, I sincerely hope your physical concerns have been adequately addressed by now. Two, I completely understand how any amount of uncertainty can develop into an almost (my case severe) mentally debilitating phobia. I was diagnosed with a peptic ulcer at age 15, 1993. By age 19 I was diagnosed with IBS. 2008 I had colorectal surgery during a partial hysterectomy. 2013 I was diagnosed and treated for H pylori. Just 15 days ago I had an X-ray done for severe back/hip pain. All it showed was my ascending, transverse and descending colon was packed full of fecal matter...I.e severe constipation. My colors are NEVER consistent...often are yellowish in color but do vary among the rainbow. They do become "oily and slimy" if I drink alcohol in large quantities. Anyway, I was prescribed stool softeners 9 days ago..fiber "bulking" agents at the same time. 3 days ago my doctor prescribed a stimulant laxative on top of the others. The only change in my bathroom habits is: severe abdominal cramps, bloating, heart burn and gas. My doctor has performed countless tests...all come back absolutely "normal range" or slight low range. Not fun for someone who became an agoraphobic for 5 years due to not understanding their medical condition.

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