I constantly need attention. Is that a normal symptom of depression?

Posted , 4 users are following.

I have been living with diagnosed depression for over four years but in reality I have been fighting it since I was eleven (I am twenty three now) and have been with my husband for three years and he knew all about my depression when we got together I had already tried to commit suicide twice. He is twenty one years older than me, and it is not a problem at all but he does have two children under ten who I love but whenever they come to stay (we live in London but his ex wife lives in Dublin so they only come over on school holidays) I get so insanely jealous.

​I mentioned this to my counciler and she said it was rather normal for people with clinical depression to feel like they contantly need attention which my husband nearly always provides apart from when his children are here. But now I am begining to harm myself to get his attention, the most drastic is I delibrately crashed my car into the wall of our garage to make is look like a suicide attempt but was not I just wanted his attention.

​I know it is selfish and silly but no doctors seems to be taking me seriously they just hand me more Amnitripaline (which I am pretty sure does not work but they do not want to change it because I had stopped self halming but I start again as soon as he does not invite on an activity).

​I do not know what to do. The doctors do not care and this is affecting my marriage, plus I am frightened that I might go too far one time.  

​Genuinely need help. Thanks.

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  • Posted

    I am concerned about your health. Stop hurting yourself lovely. Has there ever been talk of a personality disorder diagnosis? May be worth speaking to doctors again and being COMPLETELY honest about the attention thing. If you are frightened what you might do, I think it's time to tell dr everything. They won't judge, they've heard it all before and worse.

    I wish you well xx

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    • Posted

      No ones ever mentioned a personality disorder but there was talk of me going into a voluntary ward for a few days but I did not want to I spend enough time in hospitals already, I go three times a week to a councillor and I have to go regularly with thyroid problems but that isn't important.

      Thanks for replying

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    • Posted

      It is very hard to get a bed on a psychiatric ward these days. I think if you're offered that, they probably think you need it, don't you think? It's a scary thing and I dread having to go in one day, but if it's what you need to get well, I think it needs considering xxx

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    • Posted

      Psychiatric wards, help, depression, cutting etc. These things have been given a bad rap. Anytime these things are talked about to people who have never experienced them, the people involved are labeled crazy. UNTRUE. Going to the hospital for treatment of psychiatric problems can be rewarding. Getting away from the regular day your use to is called a vacation. We all need a time to heal. You meet others that are going through what you are and are not judged by your problems. Therapy and classes that help you understand these things you feel and ways to help can be very beneficial. I hope this takes the scary feeling away. Consider the help in a new light.
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    • Posted

      I'm sure you're right Barbara, and tbh, I think I'd really benefit as an inpatient. I only have what I've seen in documentaries and 1 1st hand account to go on, and it definitely clouds my judgement.

      Thanks for your insight x

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    • Posted

      I was taken around several mental health wards a couple of months ago, yes they were high risk, although the facilities are very well developed for patiens who where admitted

      I have also visited several standard wards for short term stays and I was suprised and impressed with those as well. If you need to spend time in one for any length of time they seem comfortable where patients generally have their own rooms. I have not been in any as a paitient although the feel of attitude between staff and patient was very good

      If you would benefit go for it for a while so how you get on

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    • Posted

      I didn't mind but I live in North London and I'm originally from Hull so I wouldn't have minded up there but it was in Kent and I've never been to Kent.

      Plus when I told my mum that they want me to go into a ward she looked at me with a 'I knew you were mad but not that mad' look.

      And I also get quite bad anxiety if I have to be in a small place with people I don't know like hostels or small hotels. I don't know why I just always feel like something bad is going to happen.

      Thanks for the advice

      Kate

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  • Posted

    Hi Kate - sorry to read of your dilemma. Since you feel the doctor is not listening, perhaps you should seek another doctor, explain openly and honestly what is going on and see what alternatives he/she can offer. Also, I wonder if you are seeing or have seen a psychologist? Your husband has a fundamental responsibility to his children and it is unreasonable to expect all of his attention all of the time. You can't go on like this, and one day you may just go too far with a suicide attempt - at which stage he may even be flippant about the matter in the vein of "here we go again" sort of thing. 

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    • Posted

      He has started to get like that now, the other day he saw one of my new scars and he just sighed when earlier in the relation ship he would have cried with me. I do understand I am being incredibly selfish and it makes me worse honestly, I love his kids more than anything and when they include me I am fine but it is when they go on their own it is just a reminder that I am not part of their family. It also rather hurts when they say 'Da and Kate' maybe it comes from wanting to have a child but I cannot even begin to imagine bringing a child into the world like this.

      I have seen a physiologist and they said that there was nothing wrong apart from bogstandard depression maybe with a little anxiety so because of that my gp will not refer me to another one and I do not have the money to pay for one myself

      Thanks for replying

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  • Posted

    Hello

    You know what you are doing is wrong, are you self harming when your Husbands children are around or in anticipation of them coming or going

    If the above is not the case and your Husband is attentive there must be something that has caused your concerns. You say your are seeking attention and you are taking Amytryptalene, they are a recommended mediation that GPs fall back on. 

    All I can suggest is that you talk to your GP or another one in practice. Check your Surgery on NHS Choices and you will generally find the GPs list their Specialities, go to the one who has mental illness as His/Her interest.

    Keep us informed

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    • Posted

      I tend to get worse on antisipation of them going, I have asked for a change in medication but the doctor said I was fine and the medicine was working until recently so they think it is not the medication but maybe the condition. Thanks for replying.
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    • Posted

      Do you believe how much your husband says he loves you? Depression in this case may improve if you sit and talk to him about your feelings and realize that he needs you as much as his children. The love of a wife is different from love for children. He must love you very much or he would probably already be out of your life. Dealing with a spouse who has depression is hard, especially considering how hard it is to understand the disease. Try to find a more qualified doctor. If you can't afford this you could try a mental health clinic. These children might be a welcome experience if you see a way to comunicate with them. Hope your life changes for the better soon.

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    • Posted

      Hello Kate

      There are many mixed feelings when a Partner has children of a previous marriage, yes you love the children and your husband, talk to Him and explain it may be certain things involved with these visits may make things a better experience for you both. and future visits

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    • Posted

      if you feel the need for some marriage Guidence try RELATE, 

      Sometimes things need to be placed into perspective and no harm will come to you both if you feel you are lacking attention or not knowing how you need to address visits of His Children.

      Do you feel you would like a family of your own

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    • Posted

      Thanks for your replies, I have tried to be more open with him about feeling a bit pushed out and he thinks it would help if he came to a counselling season with me but I don't want to make him feel like he has to chose between me and his children.

      Also, I am open to having a family but it is not on my list. If I get pregnant then that's great but it is not something I am yearning for if you understand.

      Thanks for your advice

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    • Posted

      I understanding is hard but he did know what he was getting into, I have been more open and he completely understands. I think he can only look after and basically babysit so many people at a time you know?

      And I do believe him when he says he loves me, there is no question in that, in states of deep depression I convince myself he does not but you really need to love someone to put up with me.

      Thanks for your advice

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