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I have been living with diagnosed depression for over four years but in reality I have been fighting it since I was eleven (I am twenty three now) and have been with my husband for three years and he knew all about my depression when we got together I had already tried to commit suicide twice. He is twenty one years older than me, and it is not a problem at all but he does have two children under ten who I love but whenever they come to stay (we live in London but his ex wife lives in Dublin so they only come over on school holidays) I get so insanely jealous.
I mentioned this to my counciler and she said it was rather normal for people with clinical depression to feel like they contantly need attention which my husband nearly always provides apart from when his children are here. But now I am begining to harm myself to get his attention, the most drastic is I delibrately crashed my car into the wall of our garage to make is look like a suicide attempt but was not I just wanted his attention.
I know it is selfish and silly but no doctors seems to be taking me seriously they just hand me more Amnitripaline (which I am pretty sure does not work but they do not want to change it because I had stopped self halming but I start again as soon as he does not invite on an activity).
I do not know what to do. The doctors do not care and this is affecting my marriage, plus I am frightened that I might go too far one time.
Genuinely need help. Thanks.
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