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I don't know what to do anymore.

Posted , 5 users are following.

rachael310
rachael310

I have always suffered with quite bad anxiety since being a small child. As I became a teenager I was very angry with everyone and would often say things I didn't mean. When I left school I became depressed and attempted suicide twice. I have has CBT for quite some time now and have been on fluoxetine for a few months. I'm now 20 and after feeling like I was getting better, I hit a rough point about 6 months ago. My mood changes rapidly from extremely happy and hyper to angry or depressed within hours. My parents and boyfriend have often said that they don't know which person they are going to get until they talk to me. I have started self harming again and I am having suicidal thoughts every time I get a depressed mood which is quite often. I'm now not only scared i'm going to harm myself, I'm scared I'm going to harm others. I have punched and kicked my boyfriend recently when I had an angry mood - I'm scared that one day i'm going to do some real damage to someone. I have been to the doctor multiple times and he doesn't want to label me with any conditions - he is keeping me on the fluoxetine and continuing with the CBT but I am just getting worse. I also haven't been to work in over 2 weeks and risk losing my job. I just can't cope. The doctor told me to grow up. I am stuck on what to do next. I don't want to hurt anyone else.

0 likes, 17 replies

17 Replies

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  • lisalisa67
    lisalisa67 rachael310

    Posted

    First get rid of your doctor. Insensitive and disgusting! Secind oanic attacks and growing uo have nothing to do with each other. Learning cbt and incorporating are two different things. You sound like you are frozen. In a frozen state of mind. You will get through this, believe you will like you have every other time. I do not know how fast you can get a new doctor but i would do so immediately then go to the new doctor for advice and medicine changes. You deserve the help you need and your lame doctor deserves to be fired.
  • mary82457
    mary82457 rachael310

    Posted

    The anger Issues you speak of, and the *self-harmIng* are classIc IndIcators of what Is labeled BorderlIne Personalty DIsorder, for lack of a better term. Seems lIke I'm recommendIng thIs to everyone today: You mIght consIder readIng up on BPD, or watchIng professIonal vIdeos; (NEA BPD Is a good resource) and seeIng If some of your symptoms fIt.

    Or not.

    BPD Is not an uncommon "dIsorder"; I prefer to thInk of It as a "type" of personalIty. Someone I know calls It the "HIgh Strung" personalIty type.

    EmotIonal InstabIlIty and a shIftIng and tenuous sense of self are also strong IndIcators.

    People wIth BPD are In constant emotIonal paIn.

    BorderlIne PersonalIty Is often, but not always,  the result of chIldhood shamIng, trauma, or sexual abuse and may have much In common wIth PTSD.

    SSRIs lIke fluoxetIne don't work well for BPD depressIon.

    Research and self-knowledge are the best fIrst step; It's not always possIble to fInd someone who knows how to help, unfortunately. 

    You can be your own best therapIst. But don't gIve up, you're not alone, and there are plenty of people out there wIth the same emotIonal aches and paIns.

    BorderlInes are empathIc and creatIve, and don't want to harm others, (even though they sometImes do). I love them.

    I sIncerely hope you fInd the help you need. 

    LIfe can be so much better.

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