I don't want to feel like this anymore

Eh Hopeless, I hope you dont mind me asking you this....but did you post yourself as \"Crazygirl\" later???? Just you wwrite and sound very similar.

I have no idea what to say , except, I am going to bed now...feeling rubbish to. the best thing you can do..(ithink , when things turn to crap...think...I wonder how long it will be before everything seems wonderful agian.) its the only way to see a fitter, happier healthier you. Oh, I am no expert I dont know, I am just trying to help.

Hi there Hopeless

You are so right; You aren't alone with this dreadful and evil demon depression.

I have suffered bouts of depression for all my teen and adult life - I'm 45 now.

I think we learn strategies to help us cope 75% of the time but there are always those times when it just hits us so hard it can take what seems a life time to recovery.

In one of my most severe states of depression I had become so convinced (brainwashed myself ) into believing I was a mouse and God was the cat. He would allow me so much freedom - just enough to start to feel better then he would take his huge hand and drag me right back where he would play and tease me until I cracked again.

What you need to remember is that depression is an illness, and like all illness we have to allow our body time to rest and recover. Also, like other illness, the same tablet doesn't always cure everyone. If they did there would only be one type of painkiller, one type of anti bitioic etc.

The problem (if it is a problem) with anti depressant tablets is they can't cure the depression alone. They are supposed to help us while we find other ways of recovering. Which brings me on to therapy. Have you ever been offered any type of therapy? Over the years of my depression I have received many different therapies including assertive classes, councelling, relaxation classes and recently I attended congnitive behaviour therapy.

Also over the years I have learnt to recognise when depression is going to strike! More often than not I can then nip the demon in the bud before it takes me over fully. I tell myself, 'here we go the demon is back wanting more from me, it's just a feeling, I can fight this'. I have then kept myself really busy, made sure I kept a good social life, avoided things that might have upset me and laid off the alcohol as this is one thing I have learnt - a harsh lesson to me after being sectioned due to using alcohol as my coping mehanicism - I eventually took quite a large overdose of my anti depressants - something I would never dream of doing when not under the influence of alcohol. Alcohol alone is the demon's best buddy - they work together to weaken us even more.

I wish I could wave a magic wand and cure you - but I can't :cry:

Do go for some long brisk walks, they really do help.

Ask your GP what kind of therapy is available in your area and ask to be referred.

Do talk to your friends and family about your illnes, you would be quite surprised just how many people suffer from depression.

Set yourself small tasks daily - to begin with - set ones you know you can and will achieve and then recognise that you have achieved that task and be proud of yourself for doing so. As time goes onset yourself lightly more difficult tasks.

Take one day at a time - on really bad days take one hour at a time.

Be kind to yourself - you are ill and you need to rest and try and eat a healthy balanced diet. If you can't face regular meals then try smaller more regular times.

Try to avoid alcohol or any situation you know will add stress in your life. You can face these areas as you start to feel better a little at a time.

Below are 2 links. The first link is a brilliant site about discovery your inner self with lots of interactive things to do that will help with your depression. The 2nd link is to a forum on here. The posters like you suffer from this terrible demon and are taking the anti depressant citalopram. Read the posts there and hopefully you will get some strength from what they say.

http://www.myinnerworld.com/

http://experience.patient.co.uk/discussion_list.php?d=99

Keep posting here, it helped me immensely during one of my bouts of anxiety and depression. Just being able to share your inner feelings and thoughts with others who suffer the same does help.

Take care and stay strong - you will beat this illness.

Love

Melbi x

HI there Hopeless,

I wake up in pain I go to the shop in pain, I goto bed in pain....... day in day out there is no getting away from the situation I am in :oops: I have felt negative thoughts many times as I am sick and tired of having this penetrating nerve pain I get from my Fibromyalgia........... So called medical professionals didn't listen to me at the beginning and I felt I was banging my head against the wall until finally a year later I saw the consultant that said my pain wasn't \"all in my head\" and he made me feel like I was a person not a statistic just him listening that day changed my outlook!!!!!! I am still in pain however but I except it somehow even though the pain is intense and to this I set up a support group for fellow sufferers and now we can discuss our nightmare knowing we are not alone!!!!!! and as we are on Patient we are one united family if you will? learning about each other and different experiences, PUK helped me back in those times when no-one listened as the more I gained more knowledge I fought for my right and I got my diagnosis...... I am stronger now knowing I am not alone :cheerup: :hug:

Take care xx

Hi everyone,

I just really wanted to say thank you for reading and replying to my post and sharing your feelings and storys. It made a differnce and now I don't feel so alone and don't feel like a crazy person living in a sane persons world anymore. I just really wanted to say thank you for your help and support and advice. I cannot thank you enough for your kindness and openess, it means alot. I hope eveyone is doing well and wish I could take eveyones pain and misery of this away! If I could I most definatley would. Anyway I am feeling a bit more up beat today for whatever reason and I just wanted to try and spread that

Take care everyone (and don't judge me if I am a wreck again tomorrow :oops: ), big hugs x

Hi again Not-So-Hopeless

Nobody here will ever judge you - please don't even think of adding that thought to your troubles.

Of course you are going to get crap days but hopefully in time you will start to experience more of the good days and less of the crap ones.

You are certainly not alone with this evil and very painful illness - in fact I bet there are more people who suffer from it and never admit to it.

We are the 'normal' ones. We are the ones who have admitted to ourselves we are ill and need help - in turn we will be the ones who recovery either fully or with the help of drugs and lead reasonable lives while those who hide their illness away will struggle on for ever.

It really frustrates me how depression still has this huge sign hanging over it so people can try and avoid that person or think we aren't normal.

Of course we are normal - if we weren't normal we wouldn't feel the feelings we feel.

There! I just did some rambling too :roll:

You just take it easy and be kind to yourself - enjoy the good days and sod the crap days.

Love 'n' Hugs

Melbi xxx

Hi Melbi,

I just wanted to say thank you firstly for reading my ramblings as I never thought anyone would as I tend to go off on one sometimes with my thoughts and its difficult for me to keep track of what I was talking bout, never mind for the people who might read it. I am so glad that I found this site as it makes you feel like you can get your thoughts or worrys out and you don't feel alone anymore and that people actually do understand where u are coming from. I have my councillor (either tomorrow or the nxt day, need to check) and I had stopped going for a few weeks there because I felt that I couldn't face it and didn't want to talk bout how I feel cause it usually makes me feel a whole lot worse and before I know it I feel like a freak again (if that makes sense). But just being on this site and having very kind people like yourself readin, answering and giving me advise and reading other peoples concerns on here has made a difference. I know now that when I go to my councillor again (and I will go this time and not chicken out this time) and start to talk bout things (I don't really know how to explain this but I will try) I think I will find it a bit easier than I did before cause before I felt so alone and thought there must be something wrong with me cause no one else seems to have these thoughts or feel like this (I know its this illness that does it but it makes you feel alone and like you are going crazy and any day now the men in white coats will be sure to knock your door and take you away, this makin any sense?). Think I went a bit off course wif that but what I was trying to say is that I think I will find it easier because thanks to this site and you lovely people on it, I don't feel alone. And when I am telling my councillor stuff now I don't think I will hold bak stuff just at the thought of it sounding stupid or crazy, because now I know that other people feel this way too and I won't be embarrased to admit things because I have seen first hand that there is no shame in it as it is an illness and you can't help how you feel when you are like this.

Hopefully this made sense lol cause a have trouble doin that sometimes Anyway won't take up anymore space on here cause am sure this reply must be huge by now. Oh yeah almost forgot to say thank you for addin they links to the bottom of your reply the last time, I have joined the my inner world thing (and must say I enjoy throwing my thoughts onto the wee fire thing and how cure is the wee plant your seeds garden thing ) I am enjoying it and it has been a help to me so thank you very much!

Anyway take care and big hugs to everyone

bye bye x

Hi there xx Not-So-Hopeless xx

I am so glad this forum has helped and I would like to say you have made the step chatting on here and explaining your thoughts, letting all your emotions free helps you as I let all mine out and cried in my time I was feeling low to my partner and I feel that maybe if you wrote notes down this may help you in your next appointment as I have had appointments and then I have realized that I missed some points and wished I had written them down so all my questions I thought previously were not answered and so instead I was mulling the thoughts over and thinking oh I wish I had of asks this or asked that!!!!! :oops: We all have different kinds of pain whether physical or in our thoughts, and once we have support it makes us feel better somehow!!! PUK helped me in my early days before my diagnosis as I thought my problems were all in my head :roll: but when the Consultant said \"I know the pain isn't in your head\" I was relieved and so you will be \"Not-So-Hopeless \" You will get there, as I got the recognition eventually xxxxxxxx hold your head up high and praise your achievements xxxx

Big hugs and I hope your appointment helps you get answers xxxx :cheerup: :hug:

Take care xxxxxxx

Morning Not So Hopeless & Sara

Reading both your posts just hen made me smile - well okay - laugh.

When I went to CBT the poor guy had an hour slot - that was my time - yet each week it would always go well beyond that simply because I could never remain on one topic. He would ask me a question and before long I would have started to answer him but in the longest possibly way as my rambles would always jump in.

Not So Hopeless, It is great to hear such positive posts from you, but please don't become too upset should you find you start to have some crap days again. These days are just a short time out of our lives - cope with them the best you can and hey! Come and rant & ramble as much as you need to - on good and bad days.

Stay strong

love

Melbi xxx

hey , Hopeless, i am sorry for the banter before, but whoops , she hit a nerve.

its like I said, youget excited when you meet someone that thinks understands, and then bashed about when you realise they dont. feeling gutted now.

Hope you are doing weel, iwas pleased to speak to you, and hope you willl not take her judgement on board. regardless, i am normally a okay person to talk to . I mean No one harm and I am sure melbi will help me out here, even tough I was of the beaton track last week. melbi, Please help me here, I dont like how Ive been bad mouthed.

Hopeless, really, I am not a bad person, and I certainly have not been in it for a laugh, ask anyone before who has spoken to me....I have a kind nature and do not take well to this kind of critiscm, 9not that I can spell it)..oh well never,ifd. Alll the best, Katy

Katy

Ignore those that are out to drag you down.

I am going to come over to your house and drag you ro the docs unless I see the kind, supportive, funny Katy back very, very soon.

Geddit? LOL

If you see anymore personal attacks either on you or anyone else click the alert button.

love 'n' hugs

Melbi xxx

Thank you Melbi, I htought I was trippling in my madness!!!

Why ???

Did you see what she said? Believe me it hurt like****?

I was only tryng to help! Hopeless sounds just like me, nut now, she will be too insecureee to talk to me.

About the job front - well lets have a laugh - I mean if you saw what has been written - so funny!!! But hey , its okay, bought the shop!! They can sack me now :lol: Ive decided that they have decided that Iam not good enough,,,,,if I fail, then i am worth better, If I pass, then its my decision whether I want to stay with a company, that questionable about handling good staff (ha ha) Dont you think?

My big sis has just bought a car, yet not passed her test.......wait for the license no\" (oh, its gilairous, illtell you it later). Melbi, thank you for your support, I thought, it me, I thought I was going mad, ithought Id really hurt people, Why my defenses went ludicrously wrong last week. Shess been at me before. hugs to you and your family.Katy