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I used to be fun and full of life, and patient. Now . . . perimenopause -
I'm hot, tired, and so very sad. I ache all over, cry at nothing and wake up mad as hell. I have many nagging headaches. Its too hot to go outside. I cringe when I think about going out in a crowd. One other person in the aisle at the grocery store is one too many for me. I drop things and after 3 attempts, I just throw things. I run into furniture and doorways, I can hardly utter a complete sentence without losing my words. I just want to be alone!
I used to be the person that everyone came to with their problems. They still do, but I find myself so much less sympathetic. I want to scream "Boy, you dont know what a real problem is!"
What makes me smile? My husband leaving for a long business trip. My beautiful granddaughter. A funny movie. What time of the day do I enjoy? Bedtime. All of the days expectations melt away and sleep is my favorite escape. It's the one thing I'm still good at.
I obsess over every conversation, every comment made to me, everything I do, everything they do. Even the past. Things I thought I had gotten over already. I'm an over anxious, boring, teary-eyed, violently shaken bottle of soda.
I take black cohosh, evening primrose oil (really worked on my sore breasts btw), and chasteberry, calcium with magnesium, on top of Fetzima. And I would trade sore breasts for the mental anguish anyday.
Nobody I know has had it this bad. It sometimes makes me doubt the hormonal angle, and think I really am losing my mind.
Thanks for letting me vent.
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