I dont enjoy anything anymore!

Posted , 19 users are following.

I used to be fun and full of life, and patient. Now . . . perimenopause -

I'm hot, tired, and so very sad. I ache all over, cry at nothing and wake up mad as hell. I have many nagging headaches.  Its too hot to go outside.  I cringe when I think about going out in a crowd.  One other person in the aisle at the grocery store is one too many for me. I drop things and after 3 attempts, I just throw things. I run into furniture and doorways,  I can hardly utter a complete sentence without losing my words.  I just want to be alone! 

I used to be the person that everyone came to with their problems.  They still do, but I find myself so much less sympathetic.  I want to scream "Boy, you dont know what a real problem is!"  

What makes me smile?  My husband leaving for a long business trip.  My beautiful granddaughter.  A funny movie. What time of the day do I enjoy?  Bedtime.  All of the days expectations melt away and sleep is my favorite escape. It's the one thing I'm still good at.

I obsess over every conversation, every comment made to me, everything I do, everything they do.  Even the past.  Things I thought I had gotten over already.  I'm an over anxious, boring, teary-eyed, violently shaken bottle of soda.

I take black cohosh, evening primrose oil (really worked on my sore breasts btw), and chasteberry, calcium with magnesium, on top of Fetzima.  And I would trade sore breasts for the mental anguish anyday.

Nobody I know has had it this bad.  It sometimes makes me doubt the hormonal angle, and think I really am losing my mind. 

Thanks for letting me vent.

2 likes, 62 replies

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62 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Denise sorry about how you feel your mom going loose mind

    I'm going through it too and sometimes it can be over whelming as you said you don't feel like going anything, I don't feel OK the head walking like something wrong,

    Yes sleep is my escape too can't wait to lie down and go off to sleep when that happens,people say get on with your life but Iam but not easy with these horrid symptoms

    Try telling yourself you will be OK and it will get better none of us will die from it

    It's just something we have to go through darling and get through don't beat yourself up

    We are here for you ((((hugs))))

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  • Posted

    My love I have it that bad! !!!

    Going on nine years of peri. I couldn't have put it into words better than you have.

    It's so sad. I wish I could sleep and I can't.

    Sending you much love x

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  • Posted

    Hi I feel your pain it's like you have been taken over by aliens .I wish there was .more help for us women. I have struggled for years and after 15 months no period I came on which sent me into a complete melt down at 56 .I had all the test dobe and thank god it was all clear.The trouble now it is like I have started from scratch bad sleep hot flushes night sweats and worst of all CHANGE in body shape feel fat and bloated. Short temper and so low X I understand where you are coming from and it's terrible but u are not alone. Think we need to try and be kind to ourselves which is not easy especially when u constently worrying about something.

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  • Posted

    Hi Denise, you are not alone.  I freak out because my one daughter talks about the Phillies, all the freaking time I hate baseball and I darn sure don't want to hear about it 24/7.  I think my husband is afraid to come to bed at night and I can't blame him.  He always tells the kids that he doesn't know who that woman is.  He just wants the woman he married back.  Well guess what?  I'd like her back also.  

         I can't even think about my mom, who is going to be 80 on the 17th, without crying.  I just think every time I talk to her,  put her on a plane, or leave her house when we visit may be the last.  Who the heck thinks like that.  There is nothing wrong with her.  Right now she is on a cruise that left from England and we live in the states. 


     If I ask the kids to do something and they don't do it quick enough or  even do it the right way I start freaking out on them.  Now mind you they are 23, 23, 19, and 15.  You would think that by now when I ask for them to do something they know I mean now.  Not on their time.  When I start freaking out they look at me like what did I do.  


      I too use to be a very fun person.  Was up for anything anytime.  I would try anything once if I liked it I would continue with it.  Now, I just want everyone to leave me alone.  If you must come around please don't bring you bratty kids.  At this point I can't stand my own children.  Let's not ev n talk about the ones out in public that carry on.

         Just know you are not alone.  There are plenty more of us that live for bedtime.  I just wish I slept more and tossed and turned less.


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  • Posted

    Hey Denise, you should also be taking Vitamin D3 to help with the moods, after taking it for 1 month you should feel better. Macca is also good for everything. Life doesn't have to be so bleak if you take the right combination of things to take. In the very beginning I recall feeling what you describe but if there is something out to help why not see if it helps. I noticed that VD3 always made me feel better, and some here have stated the same, called the "sunshine pill"  for good reason. Hope this helps. Take care.

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  • Posted

    I get it. I truly do. I'm just not myself. I've got no energy, I cry at the drop of a hat and I just wait for bedtime. I wish I had an answer but I don't. I've tried herbal remedies and for me nothing works. I've tried anti-depressants and that didn't work. So my plan is to wait this out and be furious that if I were a man there would have been a cure for this years ago.

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  • Posted

    Hi Denise, I can sympathise with you. I find myself so angry at times over things that shouldn't even bother me or sometimes I don't know what I am angry about I just know I am. Also my favourite time of the day is bedtime too as sleep is a relief

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  • Posted

    Hi Denise

    I feel the same way that you do. I have started taking vitamin B

    And Vitamin D3. I feel like they help. I have started getting out

    and walking even just around the block. I hope that you feel

    better soon, reading these post really help too : ) Take care!

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  • Posted

    I Am sad for your life, as it is exactly mine also!

    My favorite time...going to bed.

    I don't want to be bothered by anyone. I was forever putting people before myself....no more. I had enough.

    If I don't want to go somewhere or if I do not want to do something. I don't .

    It is what it is!

    One day at a time. What else can we do ....oh yes, and pray!

    Love all you awesome ladies!

    Maggie xo

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    • Posted

      I'm going to have to do what you do. That is if you can't do it then don't. At the moment I really try and make myself go to places so my husband isn't sad. This then makes me worse,knowing I have to go somewhere. I love my husband but when I talk about this anxiety he looses interest.

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  • Posted

    Hello Denise,

    Have you tried taking the HRT?  I had a complete hyst at 33, and there would be no way I could have gone through it all.  I would have lost my mind.  I'm 61 now, and I am still on them, and I will never go off...tried it, and that was a living hell.  I know people want to go through it naturally, but no way for me...not worth it!  LOL  I have never felt better!  All the hoopla that came out several years back is just that...hoopla.  They have now found that a lot of the findings were wrong.  The benifits much more out way the bad, is what they have found now.  I wish you luck!!

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  • Posted

    I'm feeling the same. My problem is my dry mouth which has altered my life. I wake up in fear and a pain in the pit of my stomach. I'm on Xanax in the day and clonazaphen and an anti depressant at night to help me sleep.

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