I dont enjoy anything anymore!

I used to be fun and full of life, and patient. Now . . . perimenopause -

I'm hot, tired, and so very sad. I ache all over, cry at nothing and wake up mad as hell. I have many nagging headaches.  Its too hot to go outside.  I cringe when I think about going out in a crowd.  One other person in the aisle at the grocery store is one too many for me. I drop things and after 3 attempts, I just throw things. I run into furniture and doorways,  I can hardly utter a complete sentence without losing my words.  I just want to be alone! 

I used to be the person that everyone came to with their problems.  They still do, but I find myself so much less sympathetic.  I want to scream "Boy, you dont know what a real problem is!"  

What makes me smile?  My husband leaving for a long business trip.  My beautiful granddaughter.  A funny movie. What time of the day do I enjoy?  Bedtime.  All of the days expectations melt away and sleep is my favorite escape. It's the one thing I'm still good at.

I obsess over every conversation, every comment made to me, everything I do, everything they do.  Even the past.  Things I thought I had gotten over already.  I'm an over anxious, boring, teary-eyed, violently shaken bottle of soda.

I take black cohosh, evening primrose oil (really worked on my sore breasts btw), and chasteberry, calcium with magnesium, on top of Fetzima.  And I would trade sore breasts for the mental anguish anyday.

Nobody I know has had it this bad.  It sometimes makes me doubt the hormonal angle, and think I really am losing my mind. 

Thanks for letting me vent.

2 likes, 62 replies