I feel hopeless and suicidal
Posted , 6 users are following.
Hi,
Ive recently been upp’d to 150mg Sertraline after being on 50mg , then 100mg also after having a massive set back after a night of drinking. Its been a week and i’m feeling suicidal.
I feel like things will never get better , its been 2 years of having anxiety and depression and i’m feeling low about it.
Background: my mum is schitzophrenic, my dad is an alcoholic with lung cancer and ive been looking after him but i do not live with him (my parents are not
Together and i do not live with either of them as i am not that close with them)
Almost every adult/parent role like aunts/uncles have passed away young in unfortunate circumstances. I was in care as a child. So i have a lot to process. I have recently finished uni and have found it hard to focus on what i want to do next.
I have a boyfriend who is amazing but my anxiety spirals at the thought of breaking up with him which is something i dont want to do but my mind is making me think its the right thing to do, then i get suicidal and feel sick etc.
Please help! 
1 like, 4 replies
Patient-Mod adele57828
Posted
Hi adele57828
We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologise for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.
If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.
Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.
If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.
Kindest regards
Patient
magmag1116 adele57828
Posted
First of all, don’t even think to kill yourself as you have a bright future. You just finished university and is about to move on to the next chapter of your life ! You have an amazing boyfriend who treats you well !
In terms of anxiety and depression , you are definitely not alone. I myself suffered from it for 17 years and I still have them. I got a degree too and it took me six years to achieve it. Thinking about what you should do next is definitely stressful ! I have been through that and I know how it feels. And also, my grandma had schizophrenia as well. Some of my uncles passed away with cancers . What I want to say is that everyone in the world are dealing with almost the same matter.
Try to look at it in a different perspective . Don’t give up yourself easily. Life is too short and you have not yet experienced all the good things in life . Have you consulted a psychiatrist or a counselor? You can PM me if You need an ear !
Hang in there
Spiritanimal adele57828
Posted
I would just like to say well done on going to uni!
You have done so exceptionally well to achieve this with all your other problems.
Maybe you enjoy studying and it is something that helps take your mind off your problems?
Maybe you could do a little part time college class in anything you like or something connected to your degree to continue to grow your knowledge and give you something to think about and work towards? I can imagine it being a difficult time after putting so much energy into uni so you really need to concentrate on continuing to put your energy in positive places. Then there will be no stopping you!
I can relate to a lot of things you have said in your post as although I am not in same position I have been in similarish circumstances.
It is so hard when you don't have the right family support. Concentrate on making a support network of people around you who are not toxic people and want the best for you and vice Versa. It's really important you have people to talk to . You can make friends in work / study/ hobbies /support groups / online and more .
martha38300 adele57828
Posted
im sorry you’re feeling this way. I know how horrible it feels.
it sounds like you have a lot going on. Caring for ailing relatives, particularly parents, and especially parents you are estranged from (for many different and uncomfortable reasons I’m sure), is not an easy thing to do. It requires a lot of energy, time, expense, and courage. Yes, courage. What you are doing is courageous but don’t forget you in the process. If your caretaking is kicking stuff up, find someone to talk to near you if you can. If you can’t, we are here.
i spent 3 very intense years caring for my dying and resistant mother who I had a love/hate relationship with. It was a brutally painful and life altering process for me and it put tremendous pressure on me and my relationship with my husband (then boyfriend). I kept pushing him away because the whole process made me incredibly depressed and I didn’t want him to have to suffer through it with me. I didn’t want him to see me like that either. But he wouldn’t let me do it. He’s one of the good ones and I am grateful. Through all the crap life was throwing at me, he was my rock, my best friend, and my shoulder to cry on. I hope your guy is one of the good ones too.
i think we constantly have to remind ourselves that we are not a burden to others and that it’s ok to accept their love even when we can’t love ourselves.
My heart goes out to you. Hang on. Just hang on.
Martha