I feel like I have no purpose in life - very confusing and upsetting.

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I needed to post this somewhere because I feel so lonely, helpless and weak. 

I have been suffering from anxiety for a while now and I'm on medication from the doctors. It does help, but my thought process is still very negative and self destructive. Any way, I have been having overwhemling emotions of worthlessness and failure. To make matters worse I have just recieved my exam results back to find out I have achieved a low mark in my first year of law at university. This will be a big hinderence in my career and now I have just lost hope in ever attaining a good job that will offer me a good quality of life. I have always put a lot of pressure of myself to achieve highly and make something of my life but this way of thinking is very tiring and upsetting. It has made me feel like I have no abilites and like I'm just bad at everything, for example, my memory is shocking and I find it difficult to remember details.

I have also started to loose a lot of self-confidence which means that when I have something important to go, like a job interview, I'm always very shy and I can't get to my thoughts because I'm so nervous. When I do get bursts of confidence I think I confuse people into thinking I'm a very confident and happy person. When my facade fades I am shy again and a bit of an introvert which I think people think I am being rude. It's all very confusing for me and I'm starting to become less socially aware and I'm finding it difficult to build connections with people which can be very lonely.

Another factor which has made me feel very unhappy is that by moving to university I only see my boyfriend at the weekend. I know this is pathetic to be saddend by this but I can't help feeling very weak and all alone when he is not around. I do live with him when I'm back home, but throughout term time I'm 3 hours away from him. I think this plays into why I feel like I have no purpose in life because for the 3 and a half years I have been with him, he has become the only thing I really know and see a future with. He is also the complete opposite of me - very pragmatic, happy, takes each day as it comes, successful and he's just very content with his life and he often gets compliments on how nice of a person he is (he's very placid and patient). This makes me feel like a failure next to him as he's a lot better of handling life than I am and makes a good impression on everyone he meets. I love him for that at the same time though but just wish I could be more like he is. 

I don't have a fantastic relationship with my mum or dad. My mum is a mental health nurse and has no time for my "anxiety", telling me to stop being so judgemental of myself and just get on with life. She's always very negative about me and my emotions, with little empathy for what I'm feeling on the inside. She's never been good at understanding me and I've never really got on with her. She has however always put a roof over my head, took me on some fantasitc holidays, paid for all my law books I need for uni etc. I think providing for me is her way of showing she cares, but the relationship with her is more important to me. With my dad, we have never had a proper bond since he and my mum split up when I was 10 (I'm 20 now). He has a new wife (who is lovely) and now I have the most fantastic little brother and sister a person could ask for. However, when I go around to his house it's basically just to see my brother and sister. My mum pulled me into their drama when I was younger when she told me my dad had cheated on her with 2 women, one of which I was introduced to (when my mum and dad where still together because we didn't know she was anything but a friend at the time). When I found this out I confronted him about it (around age 13) because I wanted to stick up for my mum who I felt was the victim. This led to us not speaking for 6 months and things have been rocky ever since. 

The point of all this is me trying to explain the possibility of why I feel the way I do and hopefully someone could advise me on what to do next. Right now I feel like I don't know where to find happiness in life, my opportunities are limited and I just want to stay in bed forever, closed off from the world around me. 

 

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  • Posted

    Dear j38024

    I can understand how you feel. 

    However, you cna try to list all th good things inyour life.

    Your health.....I assume you dont duffer form a physical illness?

    ( I have cancer, and feel anxioys all the time)

    you have a boy frindwhois standing by you--he loves you and you will be with himeach weekend....

    ( My boy fiend left me when I got ill..)

     You have the oppurtunity to study to become a ?Lawyer? How great.

    (I couldnt afford the cost of University)

    You have parent, even thugh they are divorced...Enjoy this

    (My parents both died)

    So please try to look at the bright side and think how lucky you actually are..

    Anxiety can be tough but the more you dwell on things that makes you feel anxious, but that isnt necessary to dwell on--the worse it will get

    Be happy--You are 20 years of age..How great,,I wish I was..

    There are so many incredibly unhappy people outin the world that have absolutely NOTHING.......

     As from tomorrow morning..change your thought process..

    Be happy--Be happy and practise meditation and mindfulness..

    Go girl...!!!

    xxx

     

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    • Posted

      I'm very sorry you're ill, life can be very unfair at times. And I'm sorry you had to listen to me complaining about things that must seem so very petty to you. I guess I just get caught up in my bubble of my life, comparing myself to those around me when I should be thinking about how lucky I am.

      I feel very guilty for even thinking the way I do at times but my mind processes things in a very negative way. I know I need to change my thought process but I don't know how to make it permanent.

      On the other hand, if you need someone to talk to I can give you my email.

      Best wishes to you.

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    • Posted

      What a blessing you are, and I believe, an amazing human being. Your compassion brings tears to my eyes and hope to my heart. I do hope the people in your life know who dwells among them...an angel. I send a hug this way that I wish I could give you in person. Let us remember together that in this moment....all is well.
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  • Posted

    Hi I want to start by saying you are not alone in the way you are feeling . Anxiety is soul destroying I know I suffer horrendously with it , all day every day . I'm quite surprised by your mums reaction , especially with her bring a mental health nurse . Surely that would make her understand better than most about these issues ? What treatment has the doctor prescribed you ? If you have just recently been diagnosed with anxiety I highly recommend sertraline it's one of a number of SSRI's that helped me for a number of years . Also there is CBT basically a talking therapy that gives you tools to cope with anxiety . I must admit it didn't work for me , I don't have all the answers but I hope you get better, anxiety has literally put my life on hold for the time being hopefully with exercise , getting out and about will give me some sanity good luck .

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    • Posted

      I do take comfort in knowing I'm not the only person weak at the hands of anxiety. I wish it was easier to battle and that people understood us more.

      She's very odd with things and I can't comprehend her actions myself.

      Yes I'm on setraline, I accidently lost my medication whilst at university and couldn't see the doctor for the next couple of weeks, but I have just started it again a few days ago. It definitely does help but it would be nice to not have to depend on medication and be able to manage my mind myself.

      What have been the problems for yourself? I do find exercise helps, just need to make it a continous part of the day which I sometimes have no motivation for.

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    • Posted

      I have social anxiety , my head goes light and my vision is distorted which is quite scary to be honest . I used too be so outgoing as well , I loved going out and socialising at every opportunity . But after I split up with my girlfriend in January my anxiety and depression just went through the roof . I have been through this before and beat it with the help of medication . I would basically suggest asking the doctor for proproponol whilst taking the anti depressant . This medication is basically side effect free and it stops the racing heart etc . Use the medication for at least six months 50mg and it will help massively . Then when you have got it under control you can start to come off the medication smile

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    • Posted

      Hi, I can agree about sertraline, I have been on the maximum dose for years...also PREGABALIN helps a great deal for anxiety. And pain relief....I do soooo wish you well ....kingo9110

      Hugs to all, dee...always xxxxxxx

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    • Posted

      That sounds very scary! Sorry to hear that. I know if me and my boyfriend broke up then I wouldn't be able to leave the house and would feel very depressed, so know you are not alone in the way you feel. 

      Thanks I will do that and hopefully practice some mindfulness that has been suggested above.

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  • Posted

    Hi I want to start by saying you are not alone in the way you are feeling . Anxiety is soul destroying I know I suffer horrendously with it , all day every day . I'm quite surprised by your mums reaction , especially with her bring a mental health nurse . Surely that would make her understand better than most about these issues ? What treatment has the doctor prescribed you ? If you have just recently been diagnosed with anxiety I highly recommend sertraline it's one of a number of SSRI's that helped me for a number of years . Also there is CBT basically a talking therapy that gives you tools to cope with anxiety . I must admit it didn't work for me , I don't have all the answers but I hope you get better, anxiety has literally put my life on hold for the time being hopefully with exercise , getting out and about will give me some sanity good luck .

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  • Posted

    Hi j  -  after reading the responses you have already received 'wow huh'  Reckon you have our hearts, compassion to understand the pressures & burdens you are carrying..  shake off all that dirt champ, find a counselor who can give you the motivation to strive through those tough periods..  Dont lose focus of what you wanted to achieve,  be stubborn, strong & determined by NOT allowing this to destroy your dream of becoming what you want in life..  xxxx

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    • Posted

      You might want to look up or study memory tricks since you feel your memory failed you at exam time. Also some medicines may interfere with making or retrieving memories. In any case choose s backup profession that doesn't rely on your weaknesses. But some lawyers always have to go to the books and do research. They have very little information off the top of their head

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  • Posted

    Previous reply for j38024
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  • Posted

    You got some great responses here. I want us all to remember that anxiety's job is to scare us to death. Every single person with that challenge has the experience of their mind telling them horrible, scary, soul freezing...lies. There is a body chemical explanation, but the reality is this is what we have to deal with.

    First, getting on the right meds so we can think straight. Thinking straight, we begin to take our minds back. When these continuous awful thoughts happen I immediately say (out loud whenever possible) "Oh no you don't. You are only a thought and not real, so shut up and get lost." Then I shift my focus....something physical works best, something you enjoy that will capture your attention like, yoga, dance around, jog, take the dog for a walk....whatever you like to do. That also soothes the emotions your mind has beat up on. This works every time, and some days it's many, many times.

    Next and very important is diet!!!!! Google foods that trigger anxiety and foods that soothe anxiety. If I eat one or two bites of something on the no no list, I am on the ceiling in a minute or two. The body wants lots of real, delicious, nutritious food. Happy Googling.

    Unfortunately,( anxiety being pandemic), most medical people just don't get it. They really can't unless they have been there. The symptons are tooooo bizaare. Going for counseling is a good idea, especially at the beginning, BUT only if the counselor or therapist's field is anxiety.

    You will be okay, and remember to forgive friends and family who don't understand. They may want to, but they can't. Two of my sisters get it others don't. They still support me, but haven't been there like the two who have.

    This regimen will work for most people. it is certainly changing my life....a little at a time, one day at a time. Know that I, and the people in this forum, not only get it, but care. wink

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    • Posted

      What if the horrible thoughts happen whilst I'm in an interview or somewhere I don't have time to do something phsyical? 

      Thankyou, I will look up that. I fear coffee is going to be a no no when I'm very much a coffee addict lol

      I'm not sure how to get into counselling, I'll have to ask my doctor. 

      It's very hard to forgive and forget when it's my mum because it has always been very important to me to have a very good relationship and bond with her... but that has never happened. I'm not close to any of my family really to talk to them about it, that's why I depend on my boyfriend so much. 

      I know, the care that has come from these responses has made me feel less alone and less confused with myself. So big hug and thank you. 

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    • Posted

      Forgive your mum in your heart --- join a choir..That really is helpful!!!!!..--To sing with other people--you forget absoslsutely everything.....and coucelling is easy..Google and then speak to doc. and see if he can recommend a councellor..Mindful yoga and meditation is great...

      Mitouback

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    • Posted

      You are welcome, and hugs back. As to mom, don't worry about forget, the point is to forgive, the forget may never happen but because we have forgiven, we remember without pain or regret, and even smile eventually. I had to do this with my mom. When I need to forgive someone I say, "In order to free myself, I forgive you." ( you don't say this to the person, you do it alone, from the bottom of your heart. You will feel a difference pretty quick.

      Unfortunately for you and I and other coffee lovers, coffee is the #1 trigger of anxiety. Actually, all caffeine.

      If the thoughts happen where you can't do jumping jacks lol, two things that work for me after the shut up (silently if you're in public) are controlled breathing, deep breath in through your nose, hold for count of 7, release breath all the way out through your mouth while letting your muscles let go. The other thing is to consciously tighten your muscles, then relax them, just let go. Either one is done three times.

      You are doing fine. If you want to understand more about what is going on with your body and mind with anxiety, Google this, "adrenaline and anxiety," Knowing what's going on makes a huge difference and adds to our sense of taking our power back. Give it a go.

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