I feel like I have no purpose in life - very confusing and upsetting.

Posted , 7 users are following.

I needed to post this somewhere because I feel so lonely, helpless and weak. 

I have been suffering from anxiety for a while now and I'm on medication from the doctors. It does help, but my thought process is still very negative and self destructive. Any way, I have been having overwhemling emotions of worthlessness and failure. To make matters worse I have just recieved my exam results back to find out I have achieved a low mark in my first year of law at university. This will be a big hinderence in my career and now I have just lost hope in ever attaining a good job that will offer me a good quality of life. I have always put a lot of pressure of myself to achieve highly and make something of my life but this way of thinking is very tiring and upsetting. It has made me feel like I have no abilites and like I'm just bad at everything, for example, my memory is shocking and I find it difficult to remember details.

I have also started to loose a lot of self-confidence which means that when I have something important to go, like a job interview, I'm always very shy and I can't get to my thoughts because I'm so nervous. When I do get bursts of confidence I think I confuse people into thinking I'm a very confident and happy person. When my facade fades I am shy again and a bit of an introvert which I think people think I am being rude. It's all very confusing for me and I'm starting to become less socially aware and I'm finding it difficult to build connections with people which can be very lonely.

Another factor which has made me feel very unhappy is that by moving to university I only see my boyfriend at the weekend. I know this is pathetic to be saddend by this but I can't help feeling very weak and all alone when he is not around. I do live with him when I'm back home, but throughout term time I'm 3 hours away from him. I think this plays into why I feel like I have no purpose in life because for the 3 and a half years I have been with him, he has become the only thing I really know and see a future with. He is also the complete opposite of me - very pragmatic, happy, takes each day as it comes, successful and he's just very content with his life and he often gets compliments on how nice of a person he is (he's very placid and patient). This makes me feel like a failure next to him as he's a lot better of handling life than I am and makes a good impression on everyone he meets. I love him for that at the same time though but just wish I could be more like he is. 

I don't have a fantastic relationship with my mum or dad. My mum is a mental health nurse and has no time for my "anxiety", telling me to stop being so judgemental of myself and just get on with life. She's always very negative about me and my emotions, with little empathy for what I'm feeling on the inside. She's never been good at understanding me and I've never really got on with her. She has however always put a roof over my head, took me on some fantasitc holidays, paid for all my law books I need for uni etc. I think providing for me is her way of showing she cares, but the relationship with her is more important to me. With my dad, we have never had a proper bond since he and my mum split up when I was 10 (I'm 20 now). He has a new wife (who is lovely) and now I have the most fantastic little brother and sister a person could ask for. However, when I go around to his house it's basically just to see my brother and sister. My mum pulled me into their drama when I was younger when she told me my dad had cheated on her with 2 women, one of which I was introduced to (when my mum and dad where still together because we didn't know she was anything but a friend at the time). When I found this out I confronted him about it (around age 13) because I wanted to stick up for my mum who I felt was the victim. This led to us not speaking for 6 months and things have been rocky ever since. 

The point of all this is me trying to explain the possibility of why I feel the way I do and hopefully someone could advise me on what to do next. Right now I feel like I don't know where to find happiness in life, my opportunities are limited and I just want to stay in bed forever, closed off from the world around me. 

 

0 likes, 21 replies

Report / Delete

21 Replies

Prev
  • Posted

    I know how you feel and I want go into my issues other then I suffer from anxiety and depression. And I'm on Lexapro hoping that it will help but it takes a week to see anything and I just on day two, and it will take even longer to really feel good. Not to mention that I had a talk with my so called Christian sister about borrowing enough to pay my car insurance $82.00...and she replied That everyone needs to stand on my on their own two feet. When my sister basically stoled my part of inheritance of our parents passed away. Gosh I so upset and want to call her back and tell her a few things about christianity and her beating me out of part id the inheretance which was not a whole lot. But I just wanted enough to pay my car insurance for the month, thats all....till Icould rake up the money. I must not let this upset me ...help!

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Please read my response to j38024, especially the second to last paragraph. The litera, from the Greek, thanslation of the verse, "forgive in order to be forgiven" reads, "forgive in order to free yourself". Forgiving doesn't change the other person or make what they did okay, it frees US from thinking about, caring about or being bound by what happened. I doesn't even mean we have to hang out with the person.....it simply stops mattering to us. Try it, you'll like it. wink

      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    I forgot a very important thing...Drink LOTS of water. It helps flush the raging adrenaline out of your system.
    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    oh my, sounds familiar. Your problem is depression. I was a nervous child with migrains starting at the age of 5. My parents were out runningall the time, and left my sister and me  with nuts jobs for babysitters. My dad ran around with every Jane and sally he saw. Girlfriend calling the house when I was 10, and my mom out drinking and gambling.By the time I was 10 we were left alone.  I was always scared and nervous. I grew into an anxious adult.I will always be on meds. I was suffering with anxiety and panic so bad, I was litterlly paralized with it. Could not eat, drink, or sleep. I think you are feeling nothing but gloom and doom. with no way out. By the way, for your mom being a mental health nurse, she is unbelieveable. She doesn't see  that her own daughter needs heip, WOW. You are depressed. Please call your family doctor immediately, like yesterday. I think with your state of mind is the reason you didn't do good on exam. Once you get squared away,new options and sunny days will be in your future. I am on meds for life,which is fine with me. I never want to feel so bad again. If your on a med and still having  negitive thoughts, the dose needs upped or another added. Please let your doc know these things. They can't help you if you don't let them know.  xxo

    Report / Delete Reply

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion Reply

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up