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I feel like I'm losing my mind and no one has answers for me

Posted , 12 users are following.

sam37067
sam37067

Ever since June of last year my life has been a mess and I've been struggling with severe depression. January of this year I got extremely high one night after trying to convince my friend to calm down all night, so it was a stressful night to be begin with. I suffer from severe anxiety so I smoked pot to take the edge off. I got so intensely high I had a panic attack the entire night and was terrified of everything. I didn't sleep that night and when I finally slept it was only for 2 hours and I had to go to work. As soon as I got to work it felt like I was still sleeping or in a dream everything was so foggy and it was so scary. The feeling of being in a daze has lasted till now March 12th, I feel like I'm going to snap and lose my mind. I feel like I'll never be normal ever again. At least when I was depressed I felt in touch with reality, and now I feel like I'm losing my touch with reality. My anxiety gets so intense at night that I feel like I'm losing my mind, and I feel like I'm back to the same panic attack in January that started all of this. I feel this is severe depersonalization, or just a mental breakdown? But I am so extremely terrified. I tried talking to psych about it and she really gave me no answers, I am on Risperidone right now, and it really hasn't brought me back the reality feeling. I just want answers or advice on what to do, I am genuinely so terrified that I am losing my mind and will have to be put away. I feel like I'm a robot ignoring every emotion besides feeling so scared all the time stuck in an awful scary daze. Help.

4 likes, 17 replies

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  • lauren66998
    lauren66998 sam37067

    Edited

    I too tried marijuana for chronic neck and head pain. One and done. It was an edible and I swear it triggered my anxiety and panic attacks. It's been almost a month since and I'm two weeks into Zoloft and starting therapy and group therapy. If you can go to a doctor. Sometimes it takes emergency medication to break the cycle. I was on Ativan for a very short time and it brought down the anxiety to a reasonable amount. Still struggling but better.

    • sam37067
      sam37067 lauren66998

      Edited

      Did you get Ativan right after you had the brownie? Or did you get it because you felt the foggy reality thing like I did when I smoked? But thank you this was helpful!
    • lauren66998
      lauren66998 sam37067

      Edited

      i got medication about five or six days later then put on long term medication. I felt off and i didn't know time, it felt weird. The medicine broke the pattern.

    • sam37067
      sam37067 lauren66998

      Posted

      I never told my regular doctor about the smoking but thank you for the advice, I'll let her know next time I see her. I only spoke to my psych about the smoking. Your advice has been super helpful, thank you!!

    • lauren66998
      lauren66998 sam37067

      Edited

      No problem. I'm sorry you've been feeling down. I'm honest with every doctor I see. Sometimes it gives them an idea of where to start or how to help.

  • jan34534
    jan34534 sam37067

    Posted

     Sam you are not losing your mind it's just that anxiety seems to have taken you over for the time being. 

     if who you saw was a psychiatrist, they don't typically deal a lot with anxiety like a counselor or therapist would. They deal mainly with things like bipolar, personality disorders, schizophrenia and so on. Your best bet would be to speak.  With a therapist that deals with stress and anxiety. They see this on a daily basis and can really help.  That's what I do and I keep going. I know exactly what you're talking about when you say the daze!!   I have had that on and off for quite a while and I know how horrible it can feel!  It's scary I know. I have to force myself to lie down and listen to meditative audios that I get online that deal with stress and anxiety. I won't get up until that daze feeling has gone or subsided !!  I've decided it's not going to take me over and we do have the power to get rid of it!

    You just need to learn some techniques from a therapist.

     if it gets really out of hand I might take one quarter of a Xanax just to take the edge off but I try not to take it if I can. I want to live my life without having to take that. If you can try not to be alone too much and do nothing because then you will think too much and things will get worse. 

     have you tried deep breathing? It does help me calm down. You need to get into a total state of peace and relaxation by at least trying those audios. Go  online and either Google or go to YouTube and type in meditative audios for anxiety or relaxation. Sometimes I do then when I actually feel like I'm  floating on a cloud. 

    I really  do hope you feel better!  Hang in there and be a fighter for yourself because you deserve a peaceful happy life.

    • sam37067
      sam37067 jan34534

      Posted

      Thank you so much, I needed to hear this. You deserve happiness and peace as well xx
  • lou42020
    lou42020 sam37067

    Posted

    Hi,

    i am a physician and I should know better but I too feel like I am losing it. I am so tired of the constant worry and physical symptoms... I wrote a ridiculous poem or rant last night that sums up what I feel and what I'm going to do...I need a break from me..so I'm taking a mental vacation. 

    The dawn starts a new war

    Every day the enemy is at full strength

    I am weary from the worry I am anxious all the time ...sleep...wake...fail  ...begin again ...fail....fail...fail

    My demon is strong he won't leave 

    My will is weak ..recycle thoughts... I am gonna die.. ...I am unwanted...I am gonna die

    My heart jumps 

    My mind races

    My chest tightens and my breath leaves me

    My inside man is constantly being attacked and is screaming

    How do I get out

    How do I win

    How do I find the door, it can't be death I don't want to die, I want the man I lost

    How did I lose him 

    I miss him

    I hated him at the time and now I want nothing more than to find him again, to reconcile, to be calm, to have no fear.... to be strong, aggressive not fearful ...and a man

    When will the battle end...not death...life

    Stop the worry, stop the repetition, stop the fear, stop the anxiety....stop...stop...stop

    To win is to stop, to win is to stop

    Why can't I win

    I need to put my mind in a foxhole

    I need to not fear death to live life 

    My war has made me weary ...here I go into the foxhole ...to stop...to win ....to let a small amount of time to go by in order to save the rest...here I go... my demon will show up tomorrow ....but I will not

    My life should be lived not lost in worry...here I go into the foxhole...here I go

  • henry68755
    henry68755 sam37067

    Posted

    Hey Sam,

    I know this might not seem like much, but I'm going through an incredibly similar set of circumstances, and seeing that someone else has gone through this helps reaffirm in my mind how powerful anxiety can be. I did a great deal of drinking late this January, and ever since then I've been dizzy, slow in thought and speech, and generally out of it. Worst of all, my memory has been absolutely shot, and I remember little of the last few months. Oftentimes, it feels like I've mentally crippled myself, and that's an absolutely terrifying sensation.

    I've gone to everyone I possibly could for advice; friends, family, psychiatrists, therapists, and even a neurologist. They all gave the same diagnosis; severe anxiety. I was absolutely stunned, and more than a bit skeptical of that claim. I've never been a person with much faith, andI'm still struggling to accept that I'm fine. Seeing your post, though, helps me realize how many people are dealing with the same issues. If what I'm going through is so common, then it's just a testament to how powerful anxiety can really be.

    Essentially: anxiety can make you feel like you've broken your brain, especially if given a catalyst (like smoking/drinking) to base itself on. While I would recommend asking others for their advice, I can also say that your symptoms are most likely the result of severe and prolonged stress taking control. While it's natural to feel these things, and it's not something that can be gotten over in a day, you shouldn't have to feel like you're in any danger. Anxiety is a powerful psychological force, and can often convince us that much worse things are happening to us than are really occurring.

    • sam37067
      sam37067 henry68755

      Posted

      No this is extremely helpful. I was smoking weed frequently on a regular basis, just like you were drinking regularly. I know my doctor and my psychiatrist has said severe anxiety will effect your memory, so for the past two years of my life my memory has been a little awful but recently because of the statement I've been in, I agree with what you said when you said you rarely remember. Every memory I've had in the past months has felt like a distance memory I'm recalling from forever ago. It's a terrifying feeling, it feels like you won't be normal ever again. Were you given anxiety medication? I was not given anxiety medication instead I was put on a antipsychotic to control my mood before I can go on anxiety medication.

    • henry68755
      henry68755 sam37067

      Posted

      I was initially prescribed certain anxiety medications, yes. However, every doctor/psychiatrist has their own method of dealing with these things, and I'd highly recommend listening to them for the time being. That said, I understand the terror that comes with the persistence of these symptoms.

      It might seem like an impossible challenge, but the best thing you can do for yourself in the present moment is to assume that you'll heal. Because these issues often work off of a feedback loop (worrying about memory loss leading more memory loss, etc.), it's honestly best to work under the simple assumption of positive progression. If you're able to go one step at a time, as arduous as that process might be, chances are your ability to commit future events to memory will improve. 

      That said, I know the process of healing is incredibly difficult. I'm going through it right now, and am still struggling on my road to recovery. If you ever feel you need to talk about this, feel free to message me; I doubt I'll be able to give concrete advice, but it always helps to know other people are going through similar circumstances.

  • sam37067
    sam37067

    Edited

    hello, to anyone reading this, i made this post back in 2017 of march. if anyone wants to know i was going through serve panic attacks/dissociating (confirmed by my doctor) i am now on the correct amount of meds and my life is almost back to normal about 3 years later. This breakdown was incredibly debilitating and i am still recovering from it day by day. recovery isnt linear but the correct amount of support and meds (in my case) it has gotten better and i did not lose my mind like i kept stating. its incredibly scary to go through this especially when you have no answers and feel alone and hopeless, however, i just want to give people some hope that it does change and it does get better (cliche i know) but its the truth. if anyone has any questions, lmk - ill be happy to answer

    • brad84685
      brad84685 sam37067

      Edited

      hi Sam im experiencing the same issue, what helped you and what meds did you start. Hope your well

  • Nasteha85
    Nasteha85 sam37067

    Edited

    I'm having the same symptoms you had; however, they just started out of nowhere. I do not drink or do any drugs, I'm not on any prescription medication, nor do I regularly take over the counter medications. One day it just started, feeling detached, a bit unreal, like I'm going to go crazy or die, it's a horrible feeling I feel all over my body and it's completely terrifying. It comes and goes and have been for about two-and-a-half, 3 months. I have no ideal what's going on, I had a blood test that showed sever vitamin D deficiency; however, other then that everything is normal. I can't sleep, relax, I have zero appetite , and I cant concentrate for too long. I'm a university student and a single mom of one with zero family other then my daughter, and no other support. I'm scared something is going to happen to me. Please, if you can offer some advice I would really appreciate it.

    -Nikki

    • donia79976
      donia79976 Nasteha85

      Edited

      hey I'm sorry your goin through this iv had anxiety since March of 2020 every since this covid started its been really bad to the point where I had chest pains so bad I was in the hospital brain fog dizziness lack of appetite its insane how anxiety can take over your body i was having anxiety attacks almost everyday I was on two different medications it didn't help now its been 1 year since iv been diagnosed with severe anxiety I pray alot when I feel like I about to go into a anxiety attack I count to 3 and I look around the room and say three things I see and move three things on my body like ur toes hands anything so u can snap out of it an know ur not in a dream

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