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I feel like I've met the devil

Posted , 11 users are following.

nicole32210
nicole32210

After joining a new gym, I met someone there during the first week. He is a personal trainer. We hit it off perfectly. I thought to myself I had met the man I want to marry. We both have similar interests and he seemed like a decent man.

As I got to know him I saw that he had a different life. His dad was an abusive alcoholic and drug lord. He himself was married then got divorced after 8 years and dated women but those relationships didn't last. I'm 12 years younger than him and so naive and gullible that it angers me.

So as I'm dating him I start to see a different side to him ... he's not who he pretends to be. Turns out he too is a drug dealer and has a dangerous life.

He's forced me to take drugs - and I mean he will not stop going on with me until I take it.

I moved in with him before I knew all of this. Which is against the way I was raised - marriage comes first. I am still a student. I left my promotional job as well as English tutoring because he said it would be wise to work in an industry that I am studying for and that he will help me find a job cause he knows people in the industry - I still don't have a job.

I guess I just needed to vent because I feel like I've lost my soul being with him. I feel so embarrassed to tell my friends and family. I'm ashamed of myself.

This past weekend (well Wednesday night until Saturday) he forced me to do drugs with him because he thought I was cheating on him and having me high would get me to tell the truth.. I'm not cheating on him ...

Which is why I feel like I'm in a dark space. How did I end up here? I got fooled so badly by this man ... He fools the world. He works as a personal trainer and trains lawyers and all innocent and good people and none of them see who he is.

Never in my life did I dream of ever being here.

4 likes, 20 replies

20 Replies

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  • lyn1951
    lyn1951 nicole32210

    Posted

    RUN - RUN FOR your life, just to be safe go into a womens refuge, police may be able to help you track down one that is far enough away for you to be safe.

    ​He sounds like a real scumbag, and dangerous to boot, what if those drugs were contaminated with something else, its just not worth the risk, no matter how safe he says they are.

    • nicole32210
      nicole32210 lyn1951

      Posted

      Thank you for the comment! I’m happy to say that I did manage to leave and reach out to a loved one. 

      Thank you for taking the time to type this! I appreciate it. 

  • Peonygirl1
    Peonygirl1 nicole32210

    Posted

    Get out right now! Call your family they will want to help you. If you get pregnant this person will be in your life forever. You can do this girl, get going right now!! Sending hugs and best wishes are coming your way. Come on get going your life might depend  on this. 
    • nicole32210
      nicole32210 Peonygirl1

      Posted

      Hi Peonygirl, 

      Thank you for your comment. 

      I am out of that toxic relationship. I really  appreciate the time taken to comment. 

  • wayne1962
    wayne1962 nicole32210

    Posted

    Hi Nicole - what i read: a narcissist; able to morph to fit situations and flatter his target; charming and disarming; professes interest/similarity in what you like; from an abusive background; criminal influence at an early age; difficult relationships with women; thrill seeking through drug use/crime; manipulation of those closest; insists partner relinquish identity (promotional job, tutor); promises position that never materialises; control through isolation; placing partner in danger (drugs); cultivating negative habits; seeking addiction to further control; inspires shame and guilt in partner; provokes partner with baseless accusations of infidelity; emotional blackmail; pretends to be something/someone he is not; mimics emotion/reactions he does not feel to fit in.

    You are target. He is a psychopath. F**k guilt and shame. Get angry. Get prepared. Carefully. You have to leave this situation and you have to plan it secretly. Don't let him even suspect you are finished. Arrange your escape. Alert/contact any supporting friends/persons/organisations you need. Decide on a place to hide, somewhere opposite to what you would normally do, somewhere you both have never been.  Remember he has studied you and is sensitive to any changes in mood/conversation/patterns. Appease him. Plan an outing for yourself - something usual and innocent he will not suspect. Pack the barest minimum - forget trivialities, you can replace those later. Wait until he is out/indisposed/asleep. Flee. Don't leave a note. Block/cancel him from any phone or internet/electronic devices. Never contact him again. Wait. Find strength again. Forgive yourself - he targeted you and is an master of manipulation.

    Remember that the most dangerous time for a survivor of a psychopath is when the target leaves. He considers you his possession and while he mimics many emotions, rage is the core of him. He may even decide to sacrifice himself just to annihilate you.  Get out. Run. Don't look back.

    • nicole32210
      nicole32210 wayne1962

      Posted

      Hi Wayne, 

      So it’s literally been 4 months later and you hit the nail on its head. 

      So much more had happened since then that I actually haven’t had time to come back to my post for help. 

      I am safely away from him... it’s been about a month since I’ve left him. When I did try to leave him he had me arrested (illegally of course) and I sat two nights in jail. 

      I am happy to say that he is now in the past. 

      Thank you so much for taking out the time to type all of this. I truly appreciate it. 

      It’s been much better - although I do have days where I’m less socialable but i suppose it’s a journey. 

      I really am thankful for your comment! And I am sorry for only responding now. 

      Regards,

      Nicole 

    • wayne1962
      wayne1962 nicole32210

      Posted

      Hi Nicole - thank you so much for updating us. Yes, it is a transition, you have to grieve what happened, the betrayal, it is indeed a process. You are an example for so many women - and men too - who are trapped in  controlling situations and have been so broken by their abuser they don't trust themselves to even step outside. I hope life serves you the proper dish when you are able to feel you can trust again. You are a courageous survivor.

    • Peonygirl1
      Peonygirl1 wayne1962

      Posted

      Wayne, your words of wisdom are impressive to me. You must be a most kind and caring person. I want to thank you for the initiative and wise support that you offered. Being your friend must be a lovely experience. My best wishes are with you and I ask that you tell your parents that they did an admirable job raising you. 
    • wayne1962
      wayne1962 Peonygirl1

      Posted

      Hi Peonygirl1 - What a beautiful, uplifting post I have stumbled on that came from your hand!! Like that unexpected gift from out of the blue landing in your lap. Thank you so much for that - such unexpected gems make the effort all the more satisfying. I'm afraid I will have to contest your last sentence however - my parents were people with serious issues who provided a chaotic and sick environment. Their children all suffer depression and other complications because of it. I was their most neglected but have studied mental health since admitting my illness 10 years ago, discovering things like this site and benefiting from the wisdom of fellow sufferers. I have also studied psychopathic disorders for about 18 years, and had the priviledge of being the target of a text book example of a psychopath just 5 years ago. Terrifying, relentless, pure evil - and absolutely fascinating! He died in 2016, amputated legs, riddled with cancer having stomped through a life of destroying people. People like that can never win when there are people like you.

    • Peonygirl1
      Peonygirl1 wayne1962

      Posted

      Wayne, you are a warrior who has fought for your wellbeing, this has obviously resulted a heightened awareness of others needs. You are a blessing to many. I hope knowing that gives you immense pleasure as it certifies you are so above your troubled childhood. I am sorry you had such painfully experiences and hope your heart continues to heal. You’ve done good man!!! 
  • beverly52803
    beverly52803 nicole32210

    Posted

    No one can force anyone to do drugs unless they tie them to a chair. You need to admit to having made self destructive choices and move on. Leave.
    • nicole32210
      nicole32210 beverly52803

      Posted

      Hi Beverly, 

      To a certain extent I agree... but when you’re isolated and that person has broken your phone, damaged your car and knows that you are distant with your family ... they find a way to get you to do it. 

      Thanks for the comment - I appreciate your input. 

  • bigsloppylick
    bigsloppylick nicole32210

    Posted

    Just stand up and leave. He is naughty, call the cops he will go to BAD BOY JAIL!!!!!! !
  • Jnn
    Jnn nicole32210

    Posted

    Hi nicole32210, 

    I'm sorry to hear that.  

    To me, it sounds like he could possibly be  a psychopath. 

    Please check the website "psychopaths and love" and whether this is an accurate description. 

    Best,

    Jonathan

    • nicole32210
      nicole32210 Jnn

      Posted

      Hi Jonathan, 

      Thank you for this comment! It’s truly appreciated. 

      It’s been a few months that I’ve actually been away from him. It wasn’t easy nor was I able to make a “clean break” but at least he is something of the past. 

      I will have a look at the website now! Thanks again 

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