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I feel like my love life is completely over with

Posted , 5 users are following.

heather90677
heather90677

A month ago I find out I had herpes sad first I had a really watery foul smelling discharge then couple days later it burned when I used the restroom so Friday I went to the doc she said my cervix were inflamed Saturday the pain in my vagina was indescribable I mean I could cry I barely wanted to walk I tried not to drink much because it hurt so bad when I pee’d so then I went back to the hospital Monday were the doctor did a pap and she noticed there were two lesions on my cervix one which was pretty bad it had busted open which explains why it was so painful I cried the whole way home I googled ways to kill myself I was sent to a psychiatric hospital I beat myself up everyday I am only 23 I feel like my life is no longer worth living I worry so much everyday about my future will I ever find love will I ever have kids will anyone find out I try to think positive but it is very hard can someone please help me

0 likes, 20 replies

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  • frank_95069
    frank_95069 heather90677

    Posted

    It's a very hard situation to accept. I'm still having trouble myself. I've been through the suicidal part of it and all. Time does somewhat heal all wounds. You learn to live and learn to cope. I learn more of both every day. This forum helps quite a bit to understand the struggle of it. EVERYONE in the herpes forum is here because they were exposed to the virus. Thats the end result for all of us. We leave this world with that. I find it helps me to be more honest with myself. I have never tried to start a strictly sexual relationship since my diagnosis. I haven't dated or had a sexual relationship since my diagnosis. It keeps me on an honest level on if I even want to share something so personal with a possible partner. It might take me a while but I'm gonna find someone that accepts me more than anyone regardless of anything. If not you will move on and live on. Sorry for the rambling, just trying to share that for me it is getting better even though it is a process

    • heather90677
      heather90677 frank_95069

      Posted

      Yes, it’s like somedays I feel okay then other days I feel like straight s**t! I guess it’s because in my case this is so recent. I go to sleep thinking about it wake up thinking about it I wish I could take google off my phone I research allll day where ever I am at!!! My question for you is How long have you had it? Also any advise on like what triggers an outbreak so I can possibly prevent them
    • frank_95069
      frank_95069 heather90677

      Posted

      I had my first outbreak and diagnosis about 3 months ago now . My first out break included all the aches, fever everything. I had a very small outbreak about a month later that was nowhere near as bad as the first. None since then, I'm relatively new to it so I'm not sure I could help on how to prevent outbreaks.

    • heather90677
      heather90677 frank_95069

      Posted

      Aww yeah so yours was pretty recent also!! Well that’s good to hear that your second outbreak wasn’t as bad as the first I hear that often.. I know it’s a virus no one really wants to catch but as sexually active adults we all put our selves at risk and it is not the end of the world I do wish you the best of luck and hope that the process only gets better from here smile
  • katie42587
    katie42587 heather90677

    Posted

    Your life is absolutely not over I promise you! 

    When I was first diagnosed 3 years ago I was extremely depressed, obviously the physical pain doesn’t help but I was also an emotional wreck. The nurses at the clinic said that it’s very common to suffer with your mental health when you are first diagnosed they said they saw it in almost all patients. 

    My situation was a little different to yours as I was in a relationship when I was diagnosed (don’t know if I caught it from him or it had been dormant in my system from a previous relationship). 

    We are now 5 months away from our wedding day and hope to start a family soon after. Yes we were already together at diagnosis but he was incredibly supportive and understanding, and if you find the right person you’ll have all of that too! 

    Obviously you will need to be careful and make sure you disclose your condition to any sexual partners but it isn’t the end of the world...things get better I promise smile xx

    • heather90677
      heather90677 katie42587

      Posted

      Well first off CONGRATULATIONS!!! That is amazing.. I was not in a relationship but I kno exactly where I caught it from I feel so dumb because we used protection every time until one night he talked me into having sex with out the condom and like an idiot i did it.. we started having unprotected sex in November 2017 I had my first outbreak in March 2018 after we had already had sex un protected I started hearing rumors he possibly had herpes as it was already way too late.. I truly hope one day I am able to get as lucky as you and start a family I hate to feel so worthless I’ve given up on everything before this I was a full time student I also worked out with a trainer 4 days a week working full time.. I have dropped out of school, I have not been back to the gym I call off so often now this has definitely taken over my life but I can only blame myself I should have practiced safer sex!!! Do you have any suggestions on how to minimize the pain for a next outbreak?
    • katie42587
      katie42587 heather90677

      Posted

      Oh bless you it really has hit you hard hasn’t it sad Are you currently on any anti depressents after you were in in hospital? 

      It’s still so soon after your diagnosis I think you just need to take the time to be kind to yourself and get your head in a better place (it will happen!). 

      We were in the middle of moving House when I was diagnosed and it really made it a horrible experience rather than exciting and happy one and even though I was with my partner I still felt so down and alone. I think it probably took about 2 months for me to get my head around having this virus but I now feel fine about it...it’s not ideal no but it’s not going to stop me doing anything and it won’t stop you either! 

      I haven’t really needed any relief for any other outbreaks as they were so much more manageable than the first. 

      With the first I found pouring like warm water down there when I went to the toilet helped to ease the stinging a little bit (I also peed in the shower a few times when it was just too unbearable!). 

      Also google ‘tucks medicated cooling pads’...they are actually meant for relief from haemorrhoids but I’ve had friends use them after giving birth for relief and I used them during my first outbreak. Just put a sanitary pad in your pants and then one of the tucks pads on top and it’s really cooling and soothing xx 

    • heather90677
      heather90677 katie42587

      Posted

      Yes it has I just pray on it I do believe that time heals all, I just try to think about people who have it way worse then I I try to just think of it as a skin condition.. I try really hard to ignore or not think about the stigma behind it... People are just so cruel and I believe I’ll get over the fact I have herpes it’s the judgement that will break me down sad I’ve always worried what others thought of me!! I am currently taking Zoloft so far I like them it’s been about 3 weeks since I’ve been on them and I meet with a consular this week who also has it so she will definitely be able to help me and relate so I’m excited about that!! So far I’ve only had the one outbreak and it was so painful that I am terrified for the next one.. if you don’t mind me asking how long have you had the virus and were there things you did to help Your with your emotions and negative thoughts? Sorry for all the questions it’s just hard to talk to anyone about it since you never really know who else has it
    • katie42587
      katie42587 heather90677

      Posted

      Oh that’s great how did you find and reach out to a counsellor who also has it? Or was it just coincidence? 

      It was just over 3 years ago I had my first outbreak, to be honest I just cried a lot and drank a lot! But honestly as soon as I was symptom free all of the assocaiated depression just stopped. I guess when you have pain and discomfort as a constant reminder it’s almost impossible to push through the negative feelings. 

      It sounds weird but I didn’t really notice when my symptoms had completely gone I just realised one day ‘oh I feel completely normal I forgot all about herpes’! 

      Don’t worry I’m happy to answer my questions as you want smile there really doesn’t seem to be a lot of knowledge or support  out there about it, especially from healthcare professionals I found! Xx 

  • aim69770
    aim69770 heather90677

    Posted

    Hi there, 

    Please don’t beat yourself up about it!! I got diagnosed with genital herpes in September and I cried for quite a while! I’ve always been safe when it comes to casual hook ups - which I’ve only had 3 of - and I have stopped being safe when in a relationship which I think most people do when they can trust that person. I had sex with this guy a few weeks before being diagnosed and didn’t use a condom the first time but did the two times after that. About a week and a half later, I had burning sensation when I weed and those b*****d ulcers. I didn’t get flu symptoms until a few weeks later. I felt exactly the same way as you are about being annoyed for not being safe however once I had finished researching and had a couple of appointments with nurses, they had explained to me that even when you are using a condom, you can still catch it or pass it on to someone. Even you or the other person have a cold sore at the time of having sex, the skin on skin contact is where it transfers. People are also more likely to catch sti’s if they shave as something can transfer into an open cut. - so don’t get too worked up over not using protection!! 

    I think they said my cervix was normal when they tested me but do you know if it would stay like that all the time or whether it can get worse if you get any future breakouts? That sounds painful what you had though! 

    Im also in my 20’s - unfortunately for us, we’ve had to deal with this pretty early on! 

    Hope this message helps in any way x

    • heather90677
      heather90677 aim69770

      Posted

      It’s something I feel like will get better over time at least I’m hoping but right now for me it’s hard for me to accept Its on my mind 24/7 literally I’ve dealt with depression for 3 years now so for this to happen up top of everything else I just have no understanding I feel so disgusted I feel worthless I feel ashamed I don’t even know who I am any more.. I’ve been drinking so much to try and numb the pain I feel inside but it’s so temporary.. it’s hard to get this off my mind because you have to worry about the future things like when’s your next outbreak coming is it gonna be as awful? The risk of having a child and the complications!! The fear of telling the next person you date how they’ll react.. The fear of slipping up and someone finds your medication for herpes and now the whole world is judging you I’ve always been so sensitive and care about what others think I couldn’t imagine ppl finding out.. I’ve given up on everything in life I really don’t want this to take over my life I know there has to be away to find happiness after all the pain I feel I just don’t know where to start sad
    • heather90677
      heather90677 aim69770

      Posted

      So when you got tested for the virus was it a blood test or the culture because mines was a culture there were two painful lesions right at the opening because I’m not sure but I’ve heard that normally for your future outbreaks they will appear in the same place.. so have you had another outbreak since then? 
    • aim69770
      aim69770 heather90677

      Posted

      I suffered depression as a teenager and was in counselling for a number of years before I started to learn ways of dealing with things and emotions. So I understand the feeling of one thing on top of another and it all builds up and feels like nothing is ever gonna get better. Have you spoken to anyone about everything? Or even just the diagnosis? Whether that’s a nurse or counsellor? I know everyone’s different and we don’t all have the same coping mechanisms. I only started to feel fully confident in myself about two years ago and I’m nearly 23, everyone has insecurities and life experiences that changes them over time. Honestly, I know it’s easy me saying this but do not let this define you in any way or let it take over your life. You’re still dealing with it and getting your head around it, so give yourself time. 

      From what I’ve been told, it doesn’t affect the ability to have children because that was the first question I had on my mind when they tested me! I think it only affects the baby if you have a breakout the exact time of giving birth. If you’re not anywhere near the stage of having kids then maybe put that thought to one side for now and try and deal with the other issues herpes causes! I haven’t met anyone new since being diagnosed because like you, I’m absolutely petrified! It’s bad enough when a guy ditches you after you catch feelings or something let alone the fear of being rejected for something that isn’t in our control. There are dating websites for people with herpes and other permanent sti’s, so bare that in mind because there’ll be SO many people with the same thing and are in the same boat as you. I haven’t been on them myself as I’m just not ready to do that yet! When I had appointments with nurses, they said to me that there’s no point in telling someone who you’re having a one night stand with because you’ll probably never see them again - just make sure you use protection. I’ve been messed around by so many guys in the past that Ive gotten to a point where I just don’t care if I’m not the right person for someone or if they don’t like me, if they do a runner because I have herpes then they’re not the right person. Call me naive but I’m a big believer in fate and everything happening for a reason - even if it’s something as crappy as this! 

    • aim69770
      aim69770 heather90677

      Posted

      So I had blood tests done and had the actual checkout where they look inside your cervix. I had a couple of sores which they took swabs from - they told me that if you don’t have any sores then whatever other tests you have done will come back negative for herpes. They need to test the actual sore to determine the type it is and whether it is herpes or not! Another reason why it’s so commonly transferred because you could have it in your system for years or months and not have a single symptom which you then wouldn’t have a clue if you have it.  I’ve read up that the herpes virus lives on nerve endings so because of that they would normally come up in the same place.  

      I’ve had a few break outs but nowhere near as bad as the first, it’s definitely bearable and only lasts a few days. It doesn’t hurt when I wee and the actual sores aren’t as painful! Have you had many ? 

    • heather90677
      heather90677 aim69770

      Posted

      Yes I do plan on seeing a consular soon.. hopefully that helps because talking about my problems to others definitely helps ease the pain a little it’s just not too many people I am willing to tell.. So I’ve seen the dating sites for ppl with the virus but same as you I don’t feel as if I’m ready for that quiet yet! Also I feel like just because we have this virus we shouldn’t feel as if we can only date others with it.. i was diagnosed last month and I’ve only had the one outbreak it was the most pain I’ve ever felt so I keep my meds on hand because I want to have full control over the next one so I guess right now I’m just playing the waiting game and I’m wondering where will the next one appear this time because I’ve read stories where ppl say they’ve gotten their outbreaks in the weirdest spots 
    • heather90677
      heather90677 aim69770

      Posted

      It’s so weird because in January of 2018 I tested negative for herpes here comes March and I test positive from the culture test.. I just knew this was a bad night mare that I would wake up from being told you don’t have herpes to a couple months later then Your having the worst pain in your vagina and your thinking it’s possibly anything (BV, UTI, YEAST) but herpes and your doc calls you and tells you you have herpes 
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