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I'm 19 and have been suffering from depression, anxiety and binge eating disorder for the past 7 months and I am currently taking fluoxitine 20mg. I started taking the pills about a month ago and whilst I am starting to see some benefits, i.e. some positive days, I am still quite up and down in my mood and when I feel bad, I feel really bad. My anxiety plays up, and then I become either extremely sad, numb or angry. What has made me feel worse recently is the fact that no one seems to really care. I mean, my family know that I am taking anti depressants but they don't truly seem to listen to me, instead I get the feeling that they think I am over exaggerating. For example, if I try to open up about my insecurities (which is one of the reasons I have become so depressed) they disregard it as a phase every teenager goes through, when in actually fact it has made me self loathe and hate who I am. My older sister who is also clinical depressed even said that my feelings are 'moderate' and that you can only truly know if you are depressed if you have kids. But the worst thing is, people have seen me on a positive day and so expect me to just 'snap out' of it when im feeling my worst. I don't expect anyone to understand, I would just like to know people care and will be there for me no matter what.
The thing that has got to me the most recently is that I believe that I give more than I receive, meaning I seem to care for people more than they care for me. For example, my closest friend found out her boyfriend cheated on her recently, and despite my own issues, I was there for her, day or night, comforting her and making sure she didn't feel alone- something I wouldnt wish upon anyone. I have experienced nights when I just cry because i feel so lonely and hate my own company, which is why I was more than willing to be on the phone to her all night even if she protested. I would send her little quotes to make herself feel better about herself because I know what its like to have your confidence knocked. But when Ive been down, she doesn't stay up with me or make nowhere near as much effort as I do. It pains me to say that because I am aware of how selfish it sounds- but I am not saying I wouldn't do any of that stuff again for her because I would and will continue to do so. I guess I would just like someone to be there for me in that way. I've given up on trying to open up to my other friends because they don't get how bad I feel or why i feel that bad. I feel like i need to pretend im happy all the time because i dont want to be seen as miserable. I just feel so lost and empty and I have had enough of trying to reach out to people.
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