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I feel so fat... but I can't stop binge eating.

Posted , 11 users are following.

tnetennba
tnetennba

Hi smile I hope you're all well. Anyway, here's my ramble:

I can't stop binge eating. I want to stop but I don't know how.

I started to binge last year, in around September, when I started university. I'd binge eat (on biscuits, chocolate, cereal, etc) at an almost daily basis. I wouldn't stop - even when I felt sick from eating so much - until the whole packet was finished. I don't really know why I did it. I suppose it was partly because eating was a way of distracting myself from thinking bad thoughts, and partly because I didn't like leaving packets of food unfinished - I had (and still do have) this 'all or nothing' frame of mind. I felt disgusted with myself after every binge.

About two months later I bought myself some bathroom scales. I then became obsessed with weighing myself. Despite having a weight in the 'normal' BMI range, I felt so fat and unhealthy - and I knew that I'd put on even more weight if I continued to binge eat all the time. And so I tried hard to restrict my intake whenever I can.

However, these restricting days didn't happen often enough for me. I wanted to lose a lot of weight - and my intake to be low for each and every day. But it's so hard to stop the binge-eating.

This leads me to where I am now. I've recently begun to make myself sick after every binge (which happens most days) because I don't want to put on weight. The muscles around my stomach are hurting. sad

And at this moment in time, I feel like my eating habits are out of control. I feel like I'm stuck in this binge-purge cycle. I'm scared of putting on weight. I've had a panic attack over how high my BMI is. All I see on my body is a disgusting amount of fat.

In the past, I didn't care so much about my appearance - but now I feel as though the whole world is judging and shaming me on how fat and ugly I look.

I really hate my own mind. And I don't really know what to do with myself. I've told no-one in real life about these eating behaviours.

So yeah. Thank you so much for taking time to read this (very long) message. I really appreciate it.

(P.S. If it's of any use, my height is ~161cm and my current weight is ~122lbs. My BMI works out to be ~21.3 - and that's way too high for my liking. I want to weigh much less - and even be underweight...)

2 likes, 16 replies

16 Replies

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  • safia22954
    safia22954

    Posted

    i think you need to seek medical advice,i mean you need to visit psychologist because you are suffering from some sort of bulimia although you did`nt vomit after each binge . you should take your condition seriously, before it deteriorate and end up into even worse problem.
  • Elanora
    Elanora tnetennba

    Posted

    Dear Tnetennba!

    First thing I want to comment about is you BMI, I am a fitness trainer and also 've been through those cycles currently I feel that I am goiing back to it I hatee It.. It makes me feel stuck in a cycle i'dd rather not sit in cause I waste time and money on it! And I feel like I can do so much better, Do you regonize yourself in this?

    Your BMI is 21.3 this is normal for someone between an age of 19-25 and length of 1.61 I am too!

    You need to find out WHY you are doiing this tto yourself?

    Is it stress of uni? Distracting yourself from things you actually still have too do but rather don't wanna think about it?

    Or is it much and much deeper?

    Lonelynes/ self-control/ youth/ no structure/ looking for perfection?

    try and find out the cause of it and then collect your balls and go to a dokter!

    You will feel so much relieff! Cause I can tell you out of experience you can't do this on your own recovering, seek for proffesional help first, then decide the scale of how bad the situation is and what the effects can be later.

    I know why I have been doiing this to myself and even goiing from nearly obese to underweight (and thinking that that would make me the happiest person on earth). I was trying to fill my feelings up and not beiing on social by just not hanging out with friends anymore cause I was scared to eat and then feeling the lonelyness. I tried to manage my feelings and my unpack my heavy backpack! Now I wanna put my mask off and just show others how to take a new lifestyle!

    You know you can do so much better and be a rolemodel for us showing how you turned that button arround and beiing healthier and having a flat belly doiing it the right way!

    you can switch the button , it's in your hands and I believe in it AS MUCH as you will!! You don't want to cheat and do it the wrong way, but be proud of yourself doiing it the right way and maintaining that!

    I hope tnetennba I contributed on your story by giving you a good tip. x

  • cal-man1
    cal-man1 tnetennba

    Posted

    It's been going on now for ages and I'm trying to lose a few kilos but I can't because of my eating. I hate everything and easily get upset. Does it get better? Please help me
    • tnetennba
      tnetennba cal-man1

      Posted

      I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. If you haven't already, please don't be afraid to seek help. I'm hoping that things will get better for you

       

  • tnetennba
    tnetennba

    Posted

    Hi, thanks for all the replies.

    I had an assessment at the eating disorders unit last month, and was subsequently diagnosed with bulimia. I'm currently seeing a psychologist. Unfortunately, my eating habits haven't improved; I'm still stuck in this horrid binge-purge-restrict cycle...

    Recovery is probably going to be long and hard process... but I have some hope that things will get better.

  • mad93411
    mad93411 tnetennba

    Posted

    Heyyy...

    I agree with other people... seek help as soon as you can, because habbits are really hard to break and then you'll end up where I am...

    8 years of binge-purge habbits. I can't even imagine my life without it anymore.

    I feel very happy the way I am though - and that's the most important - to feel in peace with yourself.

  • cal-man1
    cal-man1 tnetennba

    Posted

    Thanks for the replies and I like to say that I have stopped binging and sort of returned to normal
  • SonuL17
    SonuL17 tnetennba

    Posted

    Hi I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. Can I please say it's not worth it wanting to be underweight, it comes with all sorts of other problems. I am anorexic myself and have been for a LNG time. My stats are 36kg and 5"4, something like 81 pounds. I got to my target weight thinking it would make me happy by severely restricting and guess what I don't feel any happier or better. 
    • tnetennba
      tnetennba SonuL17

      Posted

      Hi. smile Apologies for the late reply - I haven't had much chance to access the Internet recently.

      I'm aware that that being underweight is very unhealthy - and I would never encourage anyone else to become underweight if it means that their well-being has to be undermined. And I certainly DO NOT want to promote the idea that happiness equates to excessive weight loss.

      As with myself, though, wanting to be underweight is most likely due to my low self-compassion - at the moment, I just think of myself as an evil and horrible person who doesn't even deserve to be happy and healthy. I only deserve to be sick. (I'm currently learning to challenge these thoughts through therapy, though...)

      Also, I'm really sorry to hear that you're suffering. I do hope that things will get better for you - and that one day, you'll be free from anorexia's control.

  • Apothecy
    Apothecy tnetennba

    Posted

    Your BMI is  perfect. cmon bro  mine is like 27..
  • staypositive123
    staypositive123 tnetennba

    Posted

    Hi there! I am 18 and am about to talk to my daughter about binge eating disorder. Everything you're saying is exactly what's happening to me except I don't purge any more... but For as long as I can remember I was always upset about my weight... the earliest I can remember is the age of 8 playing with my cousins and being mad that they were skinnier than I was. (Mind you i was never fat, just more muscular...not even chubby). However, I ate whatever I wanted and never had a problem with my weight just always wanted to be thinner but didn't care that much. Then in highschool I began exrcising and by my sophomore year I was doing every crash diet out there (slim fast, atkins, etc..). When I didn't get the results I wanted I became bulemic (but with laxatives.... it was awful) and I ate once a day and worked out for like 2 hours a day and was a dancer. My first year in college was this past year and I was able to keep my eating under control and I got very healthy. Took nutrition and exercise courses for my major and I was doing great, but then once a week I would have a cheat day and binge OUT OF CONTROL. Now it's summer and the binging occurs at least 4 times a week and I've been diagnosed with other medical issues. There is medication to treat binge eating.. Look it up and talk to your doctor about it, i will be doing this next week!
  • maddie80220
    maddie80220 tnetennba

    Posted

    I have a similar problem. I am obssesed with weighing myself and I dont like to eat however my family make me, as I am still living at home. However, if I dont eat my family will make me get help and I really dont want that. I am 160cm and between 63-64 kilos changing on a daily basis. I have a growing fear of gaining weight. However, I often binge eat and then feel really fat and don't know what to do with myself; PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!

  • crystal89973
    crystal89973 tnetennba

    Posted

    Hello. I ran across your message about your weight. To me, you are no where near fat. I would love to be your size. However, you see yourself the way you want to. No one can convince you of anything different. Anyway, I wanted to know how you were because in your message, you stated some things that I am going through. Exactly the same to be honest, only I am 5'9" and in at 277lbs. I cry everyday because I'm desperate. I tried diet meds from the Dr, they change my mood badly. I have 4 children so that's a problem. Any help, or words of encouragement would be great. Thanks.

  • ZJoe123
    ZJoe123 tnetennba

    Posted

    I am going through the same, I even tried to stop for lent but I couldn't I would try to stop but don't worry TOO much, your BMI is still low enough to join the British Army.

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