i got brain damage from electroconvulsive therapy.

I haven't been able to work. But I have got relationship with someone who is happy to have Mr faults and all.

Hi !

Hang in there. I'm Next of kind to an ECT victim. Things do get better. My spouse decided to drop all her medication this spring, and since then she has only gone in one direction, and that is up.

Of couse the brain damage can not be reversed, but you learn to cope with it, and adapt to overcome the issues that the damage causes.

It's easy to say but if you are crying for what you've lost you must fight for what you have left and the life that you can get back.

We didn't have a choice about what happened to us.

I chose to be open and honest, not hide away and feel ashamed. Most people I have met are appalled at what happened to me.

I was a doctor and I was left unable to count money out or walk in a straight line.

you need to understand what your brain damage is. If you can get a neuropsychologist who specializes in brain injury they will be able support you and teach you about your problems.

I had to reset my expectations of myself. I used to have to tell myself that I was proud of my achievements during the day...even if it was just answering the phone and speaking to my parents.

It is a frightening place to be in. But I chose to fight it and get myself a life. I didn't want the psychiatrists to go anywhere near me ever.

I am a very different person. But I am stronger and more confident than I was before this.

I kept going for my kids. Sometimes you want to cry ...that need gets less as time goes on.

Hope that helps.

Hi Sandy I too have had 3 rounds of etc simply because I was coming down of benzos and I didn’t want to talk to anybody and they called it a severe psychotic episode! When I asked what exactly does psychotic mean they said it’s when oh believe things that aren’t true but every trauma that’s happened to me is true but I’ve forgotten most of it due to the affects of the ect. I’ve lost my unique personality and find life very hard sometimes.

You are not alone but everyday does get better! Just laugh and be happy even if your not feeling it and eventually you’ll start to feel better 

I wish you all the best! 😘

Hi. I'm so sorry to hear that.

Where are you from USA/UK?

At first I was embarrassedLooking stupid in front of people... Then I decided that any true friend would support me and those that were unpleasant weren't worth bothering about. I told my friends to tell me if we'd had the conversation the day before...some self depricating humour. It worked I have more true friends than ever.

For you kids sake...enjoy them...my kids appreciate the fact that I didn't work. I was a damaged mum but they liked having me there.

So could make you a better parent. My kids learnt my problems but just accepted me for who I was. Kids are brighter than we give them credit for.

I made a magnetic memory board which worked well. It listed everything from making breakfast to feeding the dogs.....but that was ok..because I knew what I had to do but the board was there to keep me going and doing what needed doing.

You will get tired, that is my main symptom and the more tired you get the worse

You must be careful as the symptoms of brain damage can mimic depression. You must get a neruopsycholgist to do some written tests so they can explain what damage you have suffered.

You won't need the stuff about physical problems. You'll be interested in working memory function, cognitive and executive functioning.

The more you can understand your brain damage the easier it is to cope.

I would describe myself now as intelligent and able...but unpredictable..as it depends on how tired I am. At the moment I'm shattered so thinking is really hard.

I think of my brain as an old computer..it slows up easily and then s

My short term memory is improving and I have hopes of doing advocacy work again some day. My benzo withdrawal counselor tries to assure me that my cognition will improve along with decreased anxiety and panic after I'm healed from the ordeal, as well.

You are a gem to me, really. Without hope, it's hard to move on and you've provided me some.

For example I would go to town everything would be fine...then I'd fall to bits..couldn't cope....it was easy to say it was anxiety.

However what was happening was that my brain had reduced capability...like inadequate storage in a computer. What you don't realise when your brain is normal is that your brain processes everything around you, visual things, noises . With reduced capability your brain shows then clogs. So you go out and you brain clogs up....then you find out impossible to think about the simplest of things like talking.

A lot of people feel like a curtain had come down between them and the rest of the world...You feel dissociated and unable to cope. Its not anxiety...just a clogged up brain.

You get an overwhelming exhaustion... So you are too tired to do our think anything...

But I always hold onto the things I've achieved so on bad days I have something to think about.

Sometimes there are things I want to do to be normal. So for the few days before I don't do much...and the days after I have to accept feeling rubbish.

But being normal was worth it.

I found many books by Trevor Powell, what a great find. I'll start with Brain Injury.

We can choose to be victims or survivors.

I am a survivor, it sounds more positive. It sounds like I'm determined to fight it and find a life.

What ever you do don't let your anger about what happened consume you.

We have a right to feel angry and distressed about it. But our kids deserve us focussing on them not on our history.

My psychologist told me that many connections within my brain had been destroyed. So they have to be remade.

So things that were done on automatic pilot more need thought and therefore exhaust us.

Imagine driving from New York to Washington. Without a diversion you get there ok. But our brains are damaged and we have to make new connections but they are like traffic diversions. Our messages in our brains are rerouted and take longer to get from one part of our brain to another. Hence like driving along diversions it is tiring.

Imagine our brains like cog wheels. As one part of your brain slows up so does the rest. So you can't think to do anything

The assessment will give you and them answers and allow you to move forwards.

I believe that my second course of ECT was given to treat the damage caused by the the first lot of ECT. The psychiatrists said my problems were drug related/ depression related / personality disorder....they were all wrong and those 2 years before I got the diagnosis of brain damage were hell until I got the diagnosis. Life suddenly became easier just for knowing. Then you can start and rebuild your life

I know my children question every pill that is prescribed to them and will undoubtedly never go to a psychiatrist for distress.

You have a powerful story of recovery to share. It can be an inspiration to other's who've endured this so-called treatment.

Or I think that somewhere I think that I have my annotations of the book. If you have an email address I could send you a copy of it to make it easier for you to focus on the relevant bits?

You are probably right about your husband not wanting to hear it because he feels guilty.

I have told my parents that it is not their fault.

Your husband and family need to be told that if it is brain injury the sooner you find out the better. So that you can then start understanding your self and hence start recovering.

When I was told it was just depression I did everything possible to fight it. So I made sure that i adopted a positive attitude everyday. That included getting up and putting nice clothes on and doing things. The problem with that was the keeping myself distracted from me so called depression actually was the total opposite of what my brain damage needed. I did too much so my brain would cease up and then I became really exhausted and unable to function...as I call it brain failure....if feel dissociated and unable to cope which all mimicked depression. I'd feel so tired that I'd want to cry.

What brain injury needs is pacing not a get up and keep going. At first you will find you exhaust really easily. So they and figure out what you can manage in a day. Take breaks. I often have to sleep in an after noon to recharge myself so I can manage the kids when they get back from school.

My psychologist told me not to use the word cope....But the word should be manage.

It would be easy for me to say that I was useless and a failure because I am fairly useless compared to who I used to be.....a kids doctor.

However I give myself lots of slack. I recognise I am not that person and have chosen to accept it.

At the end of a day I gave myself credit for what I have done...no matter how little that was.

I am proud of who I am now. Proud that I have gone through hell and vine through the otherside.

There is no point in being angry at what the have done....wrecked your life....because if you are consumed by anger you are then wasting the rest of your life that you are angry that they took from you.

Sometimes can't think that way and you get upset....that gets less and less.

Focus on what you have. Many people in our situation are far worse..no family/job/house.

Don't lose what you have. Fight for it with every breath you have. Make yourself a life out off this.

I know all I've said is easy for me to say...I'm 10 years away from it.

Think on what I have said about brain failure. My friend who is a psychologist was with me in a Spanish supermarket. I went in feeling fine and the noises and new surroundings clogged up my brain do much that within 10 minutes I couldn't function. She found it fascinating as she had learnt about it but never witnessed it.

My face becomes almost expressionless and I struggle to speak.

Learn to understand your body and how to manage it and how to live your life now.

As my psychologist said. Live you life by the 6 P's..excuse the language.

Perfect planning prevents piss poor performance.

I PM'd you with my email address.

Did you also suffer autobiographical memory loss? If so, did your neuro psyche give you tools to help put the pieces together? This is the most painful piece for me.

I know I make it sound easy. Perhaps when I was bad I was divorcing my husband and he was trying to take the kids off me and I was determined to prove to the world I was a good mum. So I had to focus on what I could do. Not what I couldn't.

It's not easy but if you focus on living the life you have and enjoying days you can you will do so much better.

The whole experience is terrifying and you feel so lonely because nobody around you understands. X

I think your comments re: ECT were moderated. Feel free to PM me. I live in the US but have information that may help you.

After taking antidepressents now for 5 months and them not even touching the sides I was now desperate.

I went to see a psychiatrist this evening.

After talking and crying to her for an hour she told me I had very severe depression and anxiety and has suggested I try ETC, she spoke very positivly about the effects on severe depression that medication will not control.

I was put off at the fact I would have to stay in hospital to have this treatment as the thought of having to leave my home/my sanctuary was a definatley No.

I have decided instead to try a diffrent antidepressents, to wean off one and on to another. If it works she said I should start to feel results after 3 weeks.

I am praying to god that they work as if not ETC is my last resort as I have no quality of life as I am at the moment.x

Hello Dadoo. 

The Symptoms you are feeling will get permanent if you take ECT. Memory loss, concentration problems and cognitive problems are all part of having a depression, and some times we can surpress parts of our life due to those times being extra difficult. ECT will however erase the good times as well. My spouse had a severe depression in January 2015, right after we got back from a great Christmas holiday with her family. 

They gave her ECT without consent, preached about how great ECT was, and how the seizure somehow cures depression. They said there would not be any side effects except a memory loss fromo the period of the treatment. 

My spouse is Bipolar, and has had depressions several times before. She even has no memory from periods of her childhood, that she has surpressed intentionally. She does however remember in detail every time she was depressed, and even when she tried to cope with her depressions by drinking, and taking over dosages of psychiatric drugs. 

The ECT however, destroyed her life. First off it took four times as long to get rid of the depression than "normal", second off the ECT left her with a severely damaged short term memory, She lost most of 2014, which was one of the best years of ehr life (Including the great christmas we had had), she has severe problems learning anything new, let alone concentrate on anything for any length of time. She ahd to take her training for her job all over again, She used to be very good at math, now she has to use pen and paper for simple addition. 

My advice to you is to force your self to make a change in your life. Force your self to go out, and take long walks in nature if possible. Keep your self busy with hobbies. If people in your life are getting you down, stay away from those people, and learn to enjoy your own life. Drugs, and ECT do not solve anything. Drugs just dull the symptoms, and ECT just wrattles your brain until you are so messed up that you don't care any more. They call it stockholm Syndrom when it happens to kidnapped people, and they go silly and feel sympathy for their captors. Torturists use ECT and other means to give prisoners the same Euforia, and get them to talk, and psychiatrists call it getting better when your brain is so wrattled from ECT that you don't care any more, and go into a state of euphoria.

It would have been all well and good if it actually helped and left you without lasting damage, but it does. Psychiatry has been hiding the facts for years by avoiding to do research on the subject. just about all ECT research ends after 4 weeks to 6 months after ECT when the worst effects start wearing off. The few that have been spanned for longer after ECT all show permanent memory and cognitive damage.

The patients that complain about this are told that it was their depression that gave them problems, not the ECT. 

The fact that people like my spouse has had a dozen depressions before ECT. most worse than the one where they gave ehr ECT, and didn't have any of these problems before they gave her ECT is proof enough. ECT is not good for you at all. 

Thank you Aurebu for your comments. They truly touched home.

I could not bare a night away from my husband so we decided as well as reading some awful stories on here that no matter what I will not be going down that road.

I would be heartbroken to loose precious memories I have.

I am so sorry your wife has experienced the's dreadful affects.

Thank god she has you. A wonderful caring partner just like my husband who promises me each day we will get through this.

God bless you both.xxx

Thank you Dadoo. I surely wish you the best. You are fortunate to have a husband that supports you. Most next of kind will try and avoid the family member with mental issues.

I can relate to a spouse that can't be away from her spouse. I've got "two". Our three year old daughter that has to have daddy reading goodninght stories for her. Usually "daddy" is the one that fals asleep first, then a couple hours later my spouse is calling from our bedroom. She says she can't sleep without me lying next to her.

dear dadoo, it's not unusual to have to try other meds. i know its a long process, but it can be done. switching is a pain because of the weaning, and then waiting for the new ones to kick in. i hope this change is successful for you. hang in there!