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I HATE FEELING LIKE THIS

Posted , 5 users are following.

girl
girl

I am fed up of feeling so bad. i am trying to hold it all together but I feel like I am falling apart. i don't know what to do anymore. I don't even know what to write now I have started this posting.

had an appointment yesterday with psychiatrist - let him see how bad I am feeling, apparently he was going to talk to his boss and see what they can offer me but I have no idea when they will ring back. don't know if they would do anyhting - CMHT recently decided I didn't need any help at the moment so why would that change just because he talks to them. just been asked to work at the pub tonight - induced such a feeling of panic I don't know what to do. Already working sat and sun, know that when on my own feel sh*t so maybe I should but on the otherhand oh i really don't know. everything is so empty and meaningless i don't know how i am going to cope. sorry for the ramble, was hoping it would make me feel better but no, hasn't changed anything. :cry:

1 like, 19 replies

19 Replies

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  • Guest
    Guest

    Posted

    Hi girl.......Sorry you aer having a rough day...me too!!!

    Cried on school run had panic attack- dont want to be human , or on this planet. Quite happily cut m e- though dont think i should start that.

    Okay, girl hope your day hets better, I think its the ffffrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzing ccccccccccccccccccooooooooooooooolllllllddd weather,and the dark nights making me worse. My wisdom tooth and thingy in ribs hurting and Just sore all over. My period is late, In fact my period has not been this late since I was pregnant and I dont know where its gone ...now I want it coz its making me worry!!! Okay read something about ADhD today...and I know I used to get a smacked bottom a fare bit but I think this Passive adhd child fits the bill.

    I hope your day gets beeter Hans.

  • shadow
    shadow

    Posted

    Hi tiny tears and girl, sorry u both havin a bad time at mo. PLEASE dont start cutting it just adds 2 problems, ive been self harming 4 the last 12 years and have got some realy messy scars and more. i look at them and think why do it and wot an idiot and regret doing it and so ashaimed of it and constantly covering up, but then when the hard times and not being able 2 cope (am weak and pathetic in my eyes) i just not able 2 help myself. I would urge any1 who has the urge dont do it it may help at the time but its not a cure but the scars will always b there (listen 2 me the hypacrit i should practise wot i preach). I wish i had the strenghth 2 stop doin it but i dont at the moment. I dont realy no wot else 2 say have had a bit of a strange day well more of a worrying and frightning and conffusing day. Sorry not been much if any help did start out wanting 2 chat and deeded 2 get some things out but just seemed 2 of gone blank or everything mashed up in head that much not able think anything anything am not sure wich 1 now im talkin s*** sorry. Hope things start 2 get better 4 u both soon hang in there. xxx
  • girl
    girl

    Posted

    Hi Shadow/Tiny Tears

    Speaking from personal experience as well I would also say don't cut if you can help it. I hate my scars and what they remind me of. even when I am feeling good it is a reminder of everything. Over the last few months have been doing it again but thankfully not to the same extent as before. I refuse to go that far but the energy it has been taking me to not act on my impulses has been huge. It's when I have had a few to drink that it is likely to get me although my thoughts for the last few days have been centering around how to hurt myself (in many different ways). I even called my cpn today not knowing what to do - she reckons I should keep busy to take my mind off the thoughts and that it is due to a sudden increase in workload etc which is causing this anxiety, therefore the thoughts. I am not sure how much more busy I can be! I hate feeling like this.

    Shadow - you are not weak, pathetic or a hypocrit. I know what you mean cause I feel the same but it is so hard not to act on the impulses that even the fact of trying to stop makes you strong. At least you are sharing it here. Have you tried things like holding ice-cubes rather than cutting? I give myself something else to do for a length of time and if I still want to cut then at least I have tried - shuffling cards and playing games of patience is my prefered method. It works sometimes and not others but you can't let it upset you when if doesn't work.

    I am scared that I will end p out of control, doing something I shouldn't. Really can't stop thinking about the destruction of me, what if my resolve weakens too much? Any ideas cause I am totally empty?

    :cry:

    Hope you guys had a better weekend than me and sorry for the slightly long, rambling post

  • Guest
    Guest

    Posted

    hi all

    im reading all these and they seem very true to me ive been breaking down a lot recently a 24 year old guy. As im being passed from doc to mental heath units so im just wondering where it all ends and reading all these things is helping me at min as family are trying to help. is helping me relate to problems. So its like im to scared to tell people i know as I might be laughed at as i am usaully talkative my freinds all know somethings wrong but im not telling them till ive been to see counsellor so i can tell them more than i know now at moment

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