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I have a fear of getting cancer or any type of illness, I need help.

Posted , 78 users are following.

iwanttobenormal
iwanttobenormal

I'm pretty new to these kind of forums so sorry if what I am about to say sounds utterly bonkers, but I've developed this fear of getting cancer, I feel like an utter coward and a fool for feeling like this and especially selfish to all the brave people out there fighting it. 

I can't really define what has triggered this fear as my family thankfully are very healthy specimens, however I know alot of family friends that have got different kinds of cancer, some lucky and still in remission and others not so fortunate.

I constantly fear that I have cancer, a tummy ache and i have stomach or bowel cancer, a headache and i have a brain tumour etc I am constantly poking and prodding at anything i think isn't normal for me. Its gotten so bad that i have myself in a routine now to keep myself sane, I wake up in the morning and read something awful that has maybe happened to a young female like myself and all of a sudden they have either been diagnosed or have died from cancer and then i totally freak and will pick up my laptop and check symptoms and then convince myself that I have it and then will end up having a panic attack followed by uncontrollable crying, I can't do this anymore. I have a great loving partner but this is a special year for him so he needs to be committed to the project he is working on not being my carer 24/7. I can't eat properly any more or even go out the door without fearing i might take a panic attack, I am trying to keep positive some days but I'm finding it tough, we have recently moved to Bedford so I don't have any friends to go see or talk to and take my mind of this.

Is it always going to be like this? i feel so trapped and bullied by my own mind at the moment. I just want to be normal again.

I would really appreciate any advice or tips on how I can kick this.

Thanks everyone.

x

6 likes, 86 replies

86 Replies

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  • rebecca2504
    rebecca2504 iwanttobenormal

    Posted

    Hi I know excatly what your going through as I am the same. It's awful most days I wake up and think about it. I find it so hard to because I have a 2 year old boy and I just think what if I don't see him grow up etc. It brings me to tears most days. 

    I find going on long walks helps a little bit and chatting on here as you know your not the only one who is going through this awful aniexty. I suffer bad with the dry mouth and stomach turning so bad with my aniexty. 

    Make sure u write on here and we all help each other. 

    • iwanttobenormal
      iwanttobenormal rebecca2504

      Posted

      Hi Rebecca, thank you for yor reply, it really means alot to me. I'm so sorry you have this as well especially when you have a child so young I can only begin to imagine that you face tough days too.

      I feel more positive now since i started talking to people on this, I feel more brave now to talk about it to my Dr. 

      Take care and thank you for the advice. 

  • Trikkerguy
    Trikkerguy iwanttobenormal

    Posted

    Everyone fears disease, but to obsess only makes matters worse. I read similar concerns about the fear of cancer, well I've had an aggressive form of cancer which was diagnosed in 2005. I don't know why, since I used to have panic attacks, but I didn't have major anxiety.

    I always thought positive, followed the doctors advice, and even worked out after the procedures. Your mind can be of great help, or not, that's your prerogative, you can stress. or you can accept, accepting is the great healer. To always worry is counter to feeling well.

    Many find it easy to give anxiety labels like it's a mental disease, which IMO is wrong, it's an elected disease brought on by a fear of the unknown, then it manifests into physical problems.

    Yes, many need help, but to obsess when there is no disease is self defeating.

    • tracie20455
      tracie20455 Trikkerguy

      Posted

      I do see what you are saying, our anxiety is not like a disease, but there is often a chemical imbalance or a hormone issue, and looking after our mental health is just as important, if not more than our physical health. Some of us have better coping strategies than others, some have to be taught, some had them but forgot how to use use them and needed reminding... Its just our nature
    • iwanttobenormal
      iwanttobenormal Trikkerguy

      Posted

      Thank you for your reply. I'm so sorry that you were diagnosed with cancer, you are obviously very brave and have a stong willed mind and I'm grateful for your advice. 

      However, I never chose to feel like this, we are all different and so is our coping methods and how we choose to deal with things. Its not the unknown that has scared me because I know what this horrible disease does and have seen how it destructs people. Anxieties and mental problems are just as destructive to a person and how i'm coping with this at the moment may not be healthy but I never chose this. I never 'elected' willingly to feel this way. Since talking to other people on this though it has given me optimisim.

      Thank you again for taking the time.

    • gillian20097
      gillian20097 iwanttobenormal

      Posted

      Nobody willingly chooses to be this way Hun. I mean seriously........

      Option 1- I will give you loads of symptoms and major paranoia making you feel like you may have cancer,but really you know you haven't but I will just send you a bit of panic just to make you believe it a bit more!,

      Option 2-You can pass and have a normal life!

      Like anybody chose option 1 ppfft

      These things happen when our minds are vulnerable so unless you know all the signs running up to it,then it's almost impossible to prevent. I look back now and see the signs and my behaviour and way running up to this but at that time I was so busy that I didn't notice and if I did,I was to busy to slow it down and realise the consequences.

      In time we will all be ok. Some will take longer than others but we are all trying to get to the same place in the best way we know how. That place is easier to reach if you can share your experiences,get reassurance and empathy from those who know just where you are coming from.xx

    • bob91702
      bob91702 Trikkerguy

      Posted

      Thankyou Trikkerguy. That is really encouraging. The fact that you have cancer and are able to deal with it is so encouraging. I don't have cancer but am at higher risk for getting it. Actually the doctor told me I am going to get cancer, eventually, if I live long enough. It is a scary thing to know. I want to be able to accept it, but am not quite there yet

  • sandraJayne
    sandraJayne iwanttobenormal

    Posted

    @ Trikkerguy

    Saying that anxiety is an "elected disease" is like saying we elected to have it, we chose it - I never thought to see that here.  You say  it is someones "prerogative to stress or to accept"  - accept what?

    We know that to "obsess when there is no disease is self defeating" we are not stupid, but all that sense doesn't help when you are gripped by the fear,  anxiety & panic.  

    I am feeling bad as I write this, I am sure you did not intend to upset anyone but you did, I am fighting my anxiety, as we all are here, we dont want to feel this way.  WTF is this forum for

    • Trikkerguy
      Trikkerguy sandraJayne

      Posted

      When I was obsessed with the hyperventilating I elected to keep thinking about it, I elected to obsess with the feeling, I brought on the panic, I brought on the anxiety, me, no one else. I was fixated on that incident, I kept reliving it, I brought myself to a world of mental anquish.

      What I mean by accept, is accepting what this anxiety is, it's our fight or run inborn instinct, we all have it. i elected to trigger this instinct, this fear, this fear that fed on itself creating a panic attack.

      I know you can't be logical when there is fear, I know that in order to resolve this fear we must accept what it is, "OUR MINDS ARE BLUFFING OUR BODIES". We give authority to our fear to create more fear, which breeds, and increases the flow of anxiety.

      So, after time I accepted what I was doing to myself, I was conditioned, I had a very bad habit, and all habits can be stopped, not forgotten, but controlled. That is accepting, coming to terms with yourself, realizing we do have self control that we may have tempoary lost, remember we, us are always changing, never staying the same, lets give us that chance.

    • SkyeBeth
      SkyeBeth Trikkerguy

      Posted

      Trikkerguy, I get where you are coming from.  Everynight for some reason when I take my medication it triggers a mini panic attack.  I don't know whether this is from the actual medication or what, but I have learned to recognise that my racing heart etc. will settle down in an hour or so and try to do things to distract myself like reading or watching a funny show.  It's almost become a nightly ritual.  Although I can't stop the panic attack from happening I can control it.
  • gillian20097
    gillian20097 iwanttobenormal

    Posted

    Well one thing is for sure Hun. You are not in your own, many people fear illness and Cancer being I think " up there" as the mist feared.

    So a lot if the time our anxiety is not caused by the thing we obsess over. It's usually a build up of things that caused the anxiety but then we get fixated on a certain thing. In some ways I think it's our minds way if trying to distract us from the real issues.

    You said you had recently moved home and your partner has a big project going on. They are both major things that may of caused you to worry. As well as all the other things in life,like work,running the home. We can get overwhelmed and then a simple thing,maybe a advert or even a thought about cancer,sent us over the edge. We are then fixated on this thing because that's where we noticed the anxiety..truth is if you look back,,,,it was probably fizzing beneath the surface for a while.

    See if there are little adjustments you can make to your life to make it easier and I'm sure once any little niggles are sorted out,,,the cancer thing won't be so overwhelming xx

  • flosslovesjas
    flosslovesjas iwanttobenormal

    Posted

    I have this exact same fear . I have a good gp who has helped me through this in the past. I am going through it again now and its hard. First time I have used a forum but I hope that talking to people with the same fears will help. Hate this happening its so hard to get out of. Seeing gp again this evening re horrid tummy pain. Try not to Google symptoms though that much I have learnt!  
  • JustJules
    JustJules iwanttobenormal

    Posted

    Well I hope I can take a leaf out of iwantobenormal's book - people always say that you cope better than you think you can but the whole thing just terrifies me.  I've just been having a conversation with my friend at work who's mother-in-law is terminally ill with pancreatic cancer and unwittingly, she has just sent me into blind panic as she has been describing her journey from mis-diagnosis at the start through to what is now her last few months and I just want to run out of the office in panic but I'm trying to remain calm.

    I have had HA issues for a number of years but at the moment what I normally think is IBS has changed and I am suffering with really bad backache and low down tummy niggles and intermittent runs but it feels different and I've convinced myself that it's end stage bowel cancer and that they'll open me up and find it has spread (this happend to a previous colleague...) and can't do anymore for me....this fear of cancer has just taken over my life since I've been in my fifties as I now think that anything I get will be terminal and nothing just ordinary.  My family think I'm nuts but the last 18 months have seen me have two genuine breast cancer scares and a blood in urine which I obviuosly figured was cancer but wasn't.  I am too terrified to even make a Dr's appointment as I can't deal with the anxiety waiting for results of tests and constantly visualise my family round my bedside saying goodbye or planning how to take my own life if things get too bad.  Lynda Bellilngham's death took me over the edge and yet bowel cancer is supposed to be easy to cure but I don't know anybody who has survived it.  I am just existing and not living and I'm sick of it.  Have tried CBT but it was useless and the private hypno helped but got too expensive to carry on with.  I put a face on at work but I am just not coping and thinking how the heck will I cope with such a major illness.  I think this all started from the trauma of  nearly dying in my mid-twenties when I had a bowel abcess and it took me two years to recover and I was a single parent with 2 kids and it totally made me paranoid.  Thanks for letting me vent.

     

    • Findmenormal
      Findmenormal JustJules

      Posted

      JustJules, your troubles really struck a nerve. I get it. Unfortunately, I totally get it. I so wish could help you. I wish I could help me. That's why we're all on this site... Looking form the answer. Screaming at the top of our lungs. I hope we all find the help we need

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