I have been in a major depression for 4 months with severe agoraphobia.
Posted , 10 users are following.
I just can't my life back. I have horrible dreams I am 62 years old and I haven't not had this in thirty years. It is s nightmare. I can not work, I am afraid of everything. It is also post traumatic stress you name it I have it. I just started 25 mg of Surmontil and I am taking Ativan which I have been taking for 30 years. Does anyone else feel like this. Help!
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barry84477 Guest
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Hi Babss, sorry for the late reply, I'm glad your sleeping better, I didn't go to my appointment had a big panic attack that morning, so I've made a new appointment, today I'm so depressed and last night I had the dreaded night terror back, haven't had it for a while, do you keep the door locked all day I do, if some one knocks the door I run up stairs, a friend of mine who surfers with anxiety told me when he had a panic attack he used a brown paper bag to breathe through and it works, worth a try Babss, good luck and I hope you feel better.
Guest barry84477
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Hi Barry, so sorry you didn't get to your appointment. My life feels like one bud panic attack. Nothing seems to make it go away. I saw my Psychiatrist yesterday and he promised me if I go up on my antidepressant in Time I will get some relief. I hope he is right. I don't want to answer the door either. I hate just getting the mail. I have heard about that brown bag thing but it certainly wouldn't work for me. I would have to wear it all day. My sleep is full of anxiety dreams but is sleep none the less. It is just so hard to go through each day knowing it will be filled with anxiety...hope you are feeling better soon...
Guest
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barry84477 Guest
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Hi Babss, sorry you are going through hell with your anxiety, I looked up Surmontil and they are nut's, they give you anxiety they have about 40 side affects, I'm on Citalopram 20 mg 2 months now I just got 2 side affects very happy with them, I recommend you give then a try, good luck.
Guest barry84477
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barry84477 Guest
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Hi I forgot to tell you Babss doctor gave me sleeping tablets yesterday to try and get some sleep, I'm still scared to go out.
Guest barry84477
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Hi Barry, my Psychiatrist had mentioned sleeping pills too. It's worth a try if you can't sleep. I got a better night's sleep last night but always filled with horrible anxiety night mares night terrors and hot flashes. I have been forcing myself to get out in my car but the anxiety is awful. I just wish I could relax. I never feel tired. I kind of force myself to go to sleep. In what way are you feeling better? I find that bits and pieces of me are back but I want my life back God-damned it.
Guest
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Anyway I don't know what are side effects and what us from anxiety at this point. So I think everything is from the anxiety because it is hard to differentiate. I know the grogginess in the morning is from the anxiety. But once the grogginess is gone the anxiety is back with a vengeance. Sure wish I could go back to work, but I live on Long Island and my job is in Manhattan. ..
Guest
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Guest
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Hi Barry, I haven't heard from you in awhile. Are the sleeping pills working? Did you try them yet? How are you feeling? I am still struggling every day with this God-damned ANXIETY. I am hoping the pills will start working soon... have your managed to get out at all. I force myself to go for a walk every day but it doesn't seem to help...
barry84477 Guest
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Hi Babss, I can't drive my car my consultant told the DVLA to revoke it for 6 months, because I had a black out driving because of septicemia, hence anxiety came back big time, I'm going to try sleeping tablet tonight.
Guest barry84477
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Well I wish you a good night's rest. Keep me posted. So sorry you aren't driving...it helps to get the hell out even if it is for an hour. The days are too long and full of anxiety...
BellaLuna Guest
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Hi Babss, when I first read your post my initial thought was it is the Ativan, I have been on Valium for 20 years and the past 2 have been a living nightmare, finally I found a doctor who bothered to explain to me just what Benzos can do and now I face a taper.
I did also read the replies and saw that you were almost off it when this all started so I am wondering if you reduced it slowly enough or if perhaps this is withdrawal symptoms from being on a lower dose than you had been, it is always a good idea to reduce and eventually taper off of benzos but it can be really rough going especially as you get to the lower doses.
Ideally you need a doctor with a very good understanding of how they work and how reduction can affect your anxiety so that you have the right kind of help and support to cope with what you are going through, in the meantime it would be a good idea to research long term benzo use and withdrawal symptoms, the good news is that any withdrawal symptoms do pass but it can be a long process, some people prefer to switch to valium from ativan because you can get it in smaller doses and it is easier to continue reducing if that is what you decide you want to do.
1mg of Ativan is equivalent to 10mg of Valium so it's still quite a lot in terms of benzos and there is the issue of tolerance of course as well as 'relative withdrawal', with relative withdrawal which is what I have hit you have withdrawal symptoms even if you maintain a steady dose and no amount provides relief from your symptoms.
I literally woke up one day having a panic attack and then started to have all kinds of strange symptoms, things I had never experienced in my whole life that had absolutely no explanation, the agoraphobia is dreadful, like you I force myself but it is absolute hell, I can't be driven away from my home or even shop for groceries without being gripped by terror, I have had so much therapy and it helped a bit short term but I always relapse massively and spend almost every second of my life in a state of fear and anxiety except when I am sleeping and then it usually wakes me up after a few hours anyway.
I tried Zoloft too but like you it made me worse, I know most anti-depressants do make you worse before they make you better but I couldn't tolerate it personally, I hope that you get some better relief soon from the Surmontil.
I think in the meantime the only real advice I can give is to take each hour as it comes, in fact each 5 minutes if you have to, break each task up into small pieces, I find mornings are absolutely the most evil times for me with late night being a tiny bit better so at night I will prepare my clothes for the next day and even make sure that everything I need to make breakfast is within easy reach for the morning because when you are panicking those small tasks are like climbing a mountain.
Also I understand what you mean about being too nervous to listen to music, I get the same way, can't listen to music, read or watch TV but I make myself do it even if it is just one song or 10 minutes of a TV show, I often just put music or TV on and leave it there quietly as background noise, sometimes I find I am enjoying it, not often but it goes to show that it is possible to be distracted from the anxiety.
Also remember that you are using up a lot of energy trying to battle with this anxiety, I don't know what your appetite is like but try to eat as well as you can, little and often is best really because it keeps your blood sugars stable and a late evening snack will stop you having a blood sugar crash in the early hours of the morning which will cause you even more sleep disturbance.
I am a weight restored anorexic who is in a bit of a relapse at the moment and when I was in recovery last time I had a great dietician who explained a lot about how food affects anxiety, some things are obvious like cutting out the caffeine but I was also told that warm foods are very soothing and carbs are great for giving your body the energy it needs to fight back with the panic, I am not able to eat well at the moment but I most definitely feel better when I have had a nice bowl of oats topped with cinnamon or a carb heavy meal the night before.
Good luck Babss, you will get better, I have had better times but it's really about getting to the root of it to make sure you do get better and don't relapse again or at least if you do relapse it wont be as harsh, I am on a waiting list for analytic psychotherapy which is intended to explore exactly why this is happening and find ways to tackle it too, being in the UK does mean I will be waiting 4 months or more but we have spent all of our savings on other types of therapy so I can't afford to pay to get it sooner.
I hope you get some relief soon, just take each day slowly and try to view it as one day closer to getting your life back, I know it's hard to be optimistic when you feel like this but with the right kind of help you will be the person you want to be again.
barry84477 BellaLuna
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BellaLuna barry84477
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You do not however have the right to be abusive to strangers on forums just because you don’t believe or agree with them, you can challenge someone’s opinion without doing that.
ann55375 BellaLuna
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Guest BellaLuna
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Hi BellaLuna, thank you for your reply. Everything you are feeling I am feeling. It is horrible living life like this. I had been on .75 mg of Ativan for 20 years . Nothing I am feeling is from withdrawal . I got terrible vertigo which went to health anxiety and now I am in this hell. I only watch some TV at night around 8:30 for some reason I am more relaxed then... I just can't my life back and I hope the ANTIDEPRESSANT is the way out. What a night mare. I want to go back to work , I want to go places and not be scared or dizzy. I tried Klonopin it didn't work. And I have gone up on the Ativan but I don't think it is doing anything. I am on 2mg now. I pray for all of us that we get well...
Guest ann55375
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Hi Ann, Haven't heard from you in a while. How are you doing these days? I am waiting for my ANTIDEPRESSANT to work . I hope it does. I have been pushing myself to get out more but I can't say it helping. I just keep pushing like the doctors say but it is really really hard... every day I wish this Will be the day but the day hasn't come yet. Who is if it will...
Guest BellaLuna
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Hi BellaLuna, I was just wondering how you have been doing lately. I feel the same. I am hoping the ANTIDEPRESSANT is going to work eventually. Are you getting out of your house at all? I push myself every day but I can't say that it helps. I do have the TV on in the background, but I manage to watch a little in the evening. It would be so we to have one day and night when I can say I feel better... even a little... sending you a hug..
ann55375 Guest
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Guest ann55375
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Hi Ann, I hope you are doing a little better. I always expect to feel better but I never do. Every day 24 hours if anxiety at some level. Do you get out at all? I have been leaving the house every day it just keeps my mind off of the anxiety for a little bit. I never feel tired. I never feel relaxed. I never feel sleepy. How about you? I can't wait for the day that I could say I am feeling even slightly better. That day just had not come yet...
BellaLuna Guest
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Hi Babss, it's been a nightmare of a week to be honest and it's not just the agoraphobia, I am always woken by intense terror like panic but the past few days have been even worse than ever, this morning I was so bad I could barely move and it took 2 hours to convince myself to even get dressed.
I was wondering if you had been to have your ears checked for things like fluid or wax build up? Sometimes if the ear gets blocked that can cause vertigo, also a check on your thyroid function is always worth having if it hasn't been checked for some time.
I so hope the antidepressant starts to work soon, I know they can take a while to kick in which is horrible because it's a waiting game, I have been pushing myself to go out but can only do it with my husband and the anxiety has been awful too, like you it doesn't seem to be helping and in the past facing the fear always did, it's so heartbreaking just trying so hard to get your life back but feeling like you're not getting anywhere.
I'm not sure if self help books interest you but there are lots available on Amazon, it's just a case of reading the summary and finding one that is suited to you, a lot are available in audio format which is always helpful because personally when I am anxious I just can't sit and read a book.
Take care and I hope you get that better day really soon (((hugs)))
BellaLuna ann55375
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Hi ann,
yes unfortunately feeling very sick is a common zoloft side effect, they say it improves but it was just unbearable along with other side effects it gave me, the most important thing if you decide to come off the diazepam is to do it slowly, it can be a long trail but some people do much better than others and don't find it so difficult.
I have been thinking about it for a long time but after taking it for 20 years I wont deny that I am scared to start the taper, I was thinking of going really slow, perhaps 1mg per month and if I can't tolerate that I might try 0.5mg reductions instead, I am on 22mg per day so it will take a long time but I think for me it could be worth it because I am sure it's making things worse now.
I am on a waiting list for psycotherapy and had an initial assessment, when they sent me a written copy of that assessment they put in it that the diazepam was likely worsening my anxiety and that it is a known side effect of long term use, it's still hard to pluck up the courage to reduce it though.
I was the same as you, just took what the doctor gave me and of course it worked amazingly well at first so I was just relieved that I felt better but I had no idea about the potential problems it could cause and 20 years ago there was no internet to research these things, such a shame really but what's done is done, now it's just a case of deciding when to taper and being brave enough to start, good luck if you do decide to reduce yours.
ann55375 BellaLuna
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i think your idea of slowly tapering by a litlle at a time is a good one. Hope it works for you, remember to go very slow is what is recommended. Ashron manual is good. We should be grateful not on any of the worse benzos which are much stronger.
you obviously found the zoloft very nauseating, did you end up with a better anti dep for you. I ask because i am titrating off mirtazapine, its giving me nightmares and some fols say it makes anxiety worse. I dont need that.
i wont be reducing the diazepam yet. I need it to function even at a low level. Need to get rid of mirtaz first and thats not easy,
can you have a normal life or domyou feel like me that you have no motivation and fear is over riding factor?
Guest BellaLuna
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Hi BellaLuna, so good hearing from you. I am so sorry you are feeling ALOT like me which is awful. Thanks for the top about the tapes but nothing seems to help me. You can't control your dreams and if you open your eyes and the damn anxiety starts then what do you do? It is like living with pain every day. How do you make it go away. The anxiety is at such a high level. I don't know whatto do all day. I just want it to go away..
Guest BellaLuna
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Hi BellaLuna, just checking in. I have to say that I feel know better . I keep pushing myself to do things but it just doesn't help. My Psychiatrist actually seemed upset that I am not feeling better on the Surmontil . I have been taking it for 7 weeks 2 of them at 75. I saw an ENT for the vertigo I don't have any was build up though I was surprised at that and my thyroid is fine. Sending prayers your way I really am ready to give up. But every day I wake up and suffer...