I have children I need to get my life back, any advise on getting back to normal ASAP ?

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Hello,

I'm 30 years old and have 6 children, this operation is taking over my life !! I'm starting to get really depressed and switching off to everyone, I've been reall S repressed a few years ago when with my X as we have 4 children together, before this opp my life was perfect, I'm getting married next year, found my perfect man and got 2 kids together now (6 in our eyes) and now everything seams to be falling apart because of me and Thai operation !!

They say don't lift anything more than a kettle full, but I'm in th real world and I'm sure unless your childless and don't work you can follow the rule exactly but I am strugerling already and my help goes next week when I'm 5 weeks post opp, I do have help most days BUT not to be able to pick my 6 month old up is killing me, I don't even feel like his mum and to even wrote this has me in tears, any advice I would really appreciate, even how is the correct position to sit 4 weeks after the opp as I'm in sure on that !!!

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    • Posted

      It's not just a case of 'get over it' how am I going to lift my 6 month old and 17 month old into the pushchair to go to school runs ?

      When my partner is at work and the baby's screaming and I'm not allowed to lift him to walk around the room, there's so much bending and lifting and I'm not allowed too, when my help is gone next week I won't have someone here a lot then what do I do ? It's not so simple and for anyone not in my shoes won't fully understand. For 4 weeks my son who is only happy when he's picked up, I've barely been able to do a thing I've just watched everyone else do it, you can't get time back and it's upsetting

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    • Posted

      Absolutely agree with you lovely. Its based work with grownup children .thasn goodness my husband here first 2weeks.keep in touch.😘😘
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    • Posted

      He did have the first 2 weeks off but it's not ideal to take un paid time off and the 2 weeks he did have off was holiday, he does everything he can and is great but I think some people expect everyone to stop they're life's to help me and some do help but other do have there own life's. A lot of people say well 6 kids what do you expect but we are a very decent family with lovely polite children and the reason I had my prolapes is because of my sons horrific birth, he pushed him arm through before his head and the prolaps followed after him hense why I had the opp so quickly, I did feel abit upset with the get over it, I'm feeling so low as it is, that comment has made me feel I'm failing because I'm feeling like this, am I ? I'm not hard faced I'm a real sensitive person xx
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    • Posted

      Is there any way you could get any other mums who live near to help with school runs?

      I've been in your shoes, had a spinal op, and in a cast and hospital bed for five months when my children were young.

      Believe me, I know exactly where you are coming from.

      I was on my own during the day's most of the time with my children, and there are ways, and some days I just cried and cried, but that made my family even more upset, so for their sakes I had to get on with life, albeit in a different way.

      My children were happier because their Mum wasn't crying all the time.

      I was just as miserable, just tried not to show it.

      And we eventually got through it.

      When you've had something as traumatic as that, you realise six weeks isn't forever, and you do cope because at the end of the day you have to.

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    • Posted

      Patrisha we are here for you, I myself come from a family of five and there is nothing wrong with having a big family, we had a fantastic life as I am sure your children do, think of all the nice things you have done with the kids and your fella, you sound like a perfect mum and showing the love with the little ones, you will be all new below soon,.

      how do you feel I need genral good I hope, you just need some nice wordsbiggrin

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    • Posted

      Bless you hun,I take my hat off tyo you!!! You have a beautiful family and a lovely caring husband. Of course he can only take so much time off.my husband isd the same.

      Its not your fault this had happened, it just what can happen after childbirth. Unfortunately for you it hasppenef quickly after. With me it was 20 years later with a natural early menopause,

      Could you consdidet a childminders to help with the baby four as couple of weeks? And yes that comment was uncalled for on this forum.us ladies who regularly support each other know

      How to support and be there for one another.keep in touch and hugs to you.😘😘😘

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    • Posted

      Suzy a bit of both would not harm this lady is very low at the moment,

      patrisha inbox me the area you live in and I will talk to some local services for you to see if you can have any restbite I have a good friend that works for the services but it depends on we're you live chick.

      Emis Moderator comment: I have removed the email address as we do not publish these in the forums. If users wish to exchange contact details please use the Private Message service.

      http://patient.uservoice.com/knowledgebase/articles/398331-private-messages

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    • Posted

      My consultant has said 12 weeks recovery for a front and back prolaps plus I've had a 3 week infection really i'll so don't seam to have even started the road to recovery yet, I've had so many Opps that were ) weeks recovery 8 in total but this one seams to be real hard x
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    • Posted

      Ahh thank you, it's always nice to hear from people with a big family of there own, I no some people suffer with just 1-2 children in this position but you never really understand u less you've been in that persons shoes, it affects us mentally

      More which lasts longer xx

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    • Posted

      Matron is the one to give you the best advice and hopefully she will reply to you through the day.this forum had got me through. And best of all I have masfe lovely friends😘😘 we will all keep you going thorough this. It will all be worth it in the end.xx
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    • Posted

      It is hard, that's why you need to be strong. All the surgeries I've had have taken a lot out of me, but this type leaves you feeling totally wiped out.

      It's your body telling you to rest.

      I'm not a hard person at all, but your children- apart from the babies must come second to you just now.

      If the eldest ones have to miss a few clubs, they will, teenagers don't understand and get stroppy as hell, but you need the help.

      Try not to get too depressed, we all do it, it's a hard recovery, but you need to get through it.

      Your baby isn't going to remember that you didn't lift him up as much, and will get used to just being touched and cuddled.

      Everthing comes to an end, and at some stage, you wil be over this awful time.

      I'm going through it myself, so don't think I don't understand, I do.xxxx.

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    • Posted

      You sound a very positive person, good job you are and I should think like that but I think depression creeps in and I'm not so confident. Yes the kids could help more and I will be making them, although they do help but not as much as they would if it was 40 years plus ago xx
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    • Posted

      No, doubt they would be any better 40 years ago, although then they would have been made to help more. Nowadays the kids seem to decide what they want to do, and the parents let them.

      Depression seems common with this type of op.

      the feeling that you can't cope and the problems are insurmountable.

      I think if you could see what has been done to you- if it was on the outside-

      you'd realise it's a major operation, and having infections make you feel really weak and ill.

      It's not surprising you feel so low.

      Looking after the two little ones can't be easy, it's a shame you can't get someone to take them for a few hours each day,so you can rest more.

      Had laparoscopy for ovary removal, loads of adhesions from previous hysterectomy, and posterior repair, so like you 10-12 weeks recovery.

      My prolapse was caused by a forceps emergency, I was cut badly, and sewn up not very well-- babies have a lot to answer for! Xxx

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    • Posted

      Hi matron, I'm still being good and resting up☺just wondering how long it takes for the heavy feeling,like you still have it there and the swelling? I'm guessing a few weeks lovely? I'm doing good on the whole thanks to your fantastic advice.😘😘😘
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    • Posted

      Hello welshgirl. You are right you'll have that heavy feeling for some time yet and when that ache gets too much in the coming few weeks you know it's time to rest, like I advised Patricia. You've done remarkably well though 😘😘
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    • Posted

      I know how you felt helen and you've coped really well. Your experience will be a great help to Patricia. xx
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    • Posted

      The messages from you both really do help, makes me realise I'm not being selfish or stupid and it's real

      Life xx

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    • Posted

      No you definitely aren't stupid or selfish Patricia. This is a lovely forum and everyone (well almost) is very supportive. Please keep in touch with us and let us know how you're feeling tomorrow. You are not alone xx
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    • Posted

      Patricia tomorrow is another day and this one will have passed , that's the way I looked at it while coping with everything ,one day I was fine the next I was so depressed having little panic attacks n everything , it will get better I promise although it might not feel like it just now , I still get that throbbing feeling n I'm sore now and again but I've learned to cope , if I've overdone it one day I rest the next , one thing that isn't explained pre surgery is recovery process and just how emotional it can be , I need another op as 9 weeks post cystocele repair I now need a rectocele repair but I'll have surgery again in a heartbeat as even will all the struggles over past few months my quality of life is so much better , just think of all the things u will be able to do with ur babies being prolapse free , big hugs to you , everyone is here to support u through ur recovery xx
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    • Posted

      Hi Patricia,

      I do hope you are feeling a little better this morning, my second oldest daughter took really bad post natal depression after her first child, she has struggled on and off with this for years.

      Sometimes we all feel that there is nothing that we can do but just be there when she does ask for help. For a while she did really well and made great headway, but after 2nd child went back the way again.

      They say this tends to happen to really strong people who are well organised. She was a very strong person before this and the most organised out of all my kids.

      It breaks my heart as I feel she i's wasting away and life is passing her by she has dark periods of not going out the door for months due to panic attacks and will not answer the door or phone. She is very luck to have a wonderful husband.

      Any how I do understand the loss of control you are feeling in your life just now and I hope all the lovely ladies on here have helped you a little in trying to lift your spirits.

      It is not going to be easy for you for next few weeks but I hope sincerely that some help turns up for you.

      My Gran use to say love overcomes all, and I hope you do find alternative ways to cope with your 2 little ones.

      I use to sit Johnny at 18 months on my foot and pull him up my leg onto my knee and down the same way.

      Always changed Daniel while in pram, and rocked the pram rather than stand and nurse.

      It is really difficult to deal with not being able to lift and bend. I was frustrated not being able to help my daughter as much as I would like too. She has Ewan now too and I am not as close as I would like to be, but I don't dare lift him.

      Hope the next few weeks go quickly for you and you are soon able to finds ways to lift and cuddle your little ones. Get as much cuddling in as you can when help is there.

      I know the lovely ladies on this forum will help you as best they can.

      You will muddle through somehow for all us mummy's find strength from somewhere and we do the best we can.

      Please be very careful and look after yourself,

      Phyl xx

      💖💖💖

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    • Posted

      I've deleted the argumentative posts. Please do not carry this part of the debate on. As I repeatedly post if there are any posts that cause offence please ignore them and report to me to action.

      Regards,

      Alan

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