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I have children I need to get my life back, any advise on getting back to normal ASAP ?

Posted , 8 users are following.

Patricia.1985
Patricia.1985

Hello,

I'm 30 years old and have 6 children, this operation is taking over my life !! I'm starting to get really depressed and switching off to everyone, I've been reall S repressed a few years ago when with my X as we have 4 children together, before this opp my life was perfect, I'm getting married next year, found my perfect man and got 2 kids together now (6 in our eyes) and now everything seams to be falling apart because of me and Thai operation !!

They say don't lift anything more than a kettle full, but I'm in th real world and I'm sure unless your childless and don't work you can follow the rule exactly but I am strugerling already and my help goes next week when I'm 5 weeks post opp, I do have help most days BUT not to be able to pick my 6 month old up is killing me, I don't even feel like his mum and to even wrote this has me in tears, any advice I would really appreciate, even how is the correct position to sit 4 weeks after the opp as I'm in sure on that !!!

0 likes, 53 replies

53 Replies

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  • phyl_40063
    phyl_40063 Patricia.1985

    Posted

    Patricia , how old are your children , can they not help even a little, my partner has had to do most of basic or important chores, for at least first 6 weeks and anything not important has had to be left.

    I can't even begin to imagine how difficult it must be for you. I had a family of 6, but they were spread out and the first 4 are away either married or in own flat. 2 left at home but only one still dependent and she is now 12, having said that has hardly helped.

    Anyhow I found it difficult juggling 6 kids, work and part-time study at the best of times never mind trying to cope with surgery. You do really have to only do what is nessisary, and do your best to rest, rest, rest , you want to be able to look after family in long run so you have to first look after yourself and delegate all the heavy chores to anyone who will help!

    Focus in future on your wedding, you want to be OK for that so start by taking progress slowly a little at a time. I know it's hard but you need to ficus and delagate jobs.

    Phyk xx 💖

    • Patricia.1985
      Patricia.1985 phyl_40063

      Posted

      The oldest 2 are 12 and 14 but do alot of clubs and have a long bus ride home so by the time they are home at 530 my partner is and teenager help ... Hummm they do a little when are home.

      All the major stuff we leave or if have a few extra hands then it all gets done. It's so fustrating and worrying, I'm useally a busy mum and jays how I like it, my kids are all lovely and well behaved and now everything is tiring upside down, my routines .. How things are done and missed appointment arhhhhhh !! I'm the kind of person who doesn't coup well if things are changed, been like it my whole life, suffered with panic attacks , depression and am worried it's all coming back, hence why the kind advice and understanding on here I'm hoping will keep me Sain ! Xx

    • phyl_40063
      phyl_40063 Patricia.1985

      Posted

      Hi Patricia,

      I know there is nothing worse than disrupting routine especially when got big family. But could you kerp 2 younger kids up for longer in evening/ at night while you have more help in house and hopefully they may sleep longer in the morning, so you will have less time on your own with them. At least for a little while until you are able to weight bear.

      What about the younger ones are they in playgroup / nursery. Sometimes the play leaders can help collect them from home and bring them back. One time when some of my older kids took chicken pox, the play leaders offered to do just that with one of my younger kids, they picked her up on route to work and brought her back on there way home .

      You will have to be really careful with little ones, last time I had my hysterectomy and anterior repair my daughter was off on maternity leave she had 2 boys one at 6 months and the other at 18 months, and I prolapsed again, it is so difficult ad it's only natural to lift them without thinking.

      Do your best to look after yourself, and be as careful as you can.

      Phyl xx💖

  • Gillian22766
    Gillian22766 Patricia.1985

    Posted

    Hi Patricia, matron is the best one to talk to, what operation have you had Lv, you appear to be over half way there, I don't think there is any real position to sit just what makes it easy for you, try laying on your side and giving baby cuddles,

    dont not pick him up that is how I did the damage after my hystorectomy

    with the grandchild and shopping.

    your husband will be patient they just don't understand the woman's body Lv.

    i spent all day yesterday crying saying why me, today I am ok lol

    big hugs coming your way, your hu

    • Gillian22766
      Gillian22766

      Posted

      Sorry pressed button to quick, your husband will be worried about leaving you x
    • Gillian22766
      Gillian22766

      Posted

      What area are you from, is there any local help you can get to come in and support?
    • Patricia.1985
      Patricia.1985 Gillian22766

      Posted

      I had a front and back prolaps repair (all stitches inside)

      Very alkward to no what's the best way to sit and how much to do / walking around the house is best xx

    • Patricia.1985
      Patricia.1985 Gillian22766

      Posted

      I've asked adult cares services, health Viz, doc and school and the only awnser I've got is after school clubs but it's the babies xx
    • Gillian22766
      Gillian22766 Patricia.1985

      Posted

      Hi Lv I have had the same operation as you along with an area that had not healed on the vaginal wall so I feel your pain,will your husband s mum stay longer, I have a loverly lady who is helping me, I am in Elland not sure we're you are but if you were close she could probably help you very good rates
  • eve33308
    eve33308 Patricia.1985

    Posted

    Patricia.....dont worry too much...You are doing really well and for now it doesnt matter if you miss appointments and all that stuff....get the kids to help..even the teenagers...there must be someone...friend,neighbour who could help or maybe your partner could take some time off. Cant you make a bed up for baby on the floor and rest with him?  keep your chin up and dont let the depression set in...Dont forget you are still a good mother and very brave....xxxx
    • Patricia.1985
      Patricia.1985 eve33308

      Posted

      I've just rang and explained to so many, appointments, school ect ..

      I have help from mum 2 days a week and an aunty 2 days a week, so the main concern is the babies and then school runs and I don't no anyone and school have said all they can offer is after school clubs, I wonder if my sons weight would be ok to lift before 12 weeks ? Xx

    • helen73p
      helen73p Patricia.1985

      Posted

      i was told i can lift my daughter after 6 weeks , she is now 10 months and im 9 weeks post op xx
  • Jan999
    Jan999 Patricia.1985

    Posted

    Patricia I can fully understand how you are feeling and as you are 5 weeks post op you are well on the way to recovery. You can lift something a bit heavier than a kettle full of water next week and then you start increasing exercise. You have a lot to contend with having 6 children, you don't say how old they are but can the older ones help? 

    Regarding your question about sitting you can sit any way that's comfortable. It may be a good idea to have a chat with your GP because there are medical reasons as to why you are feeling so depressed and it may be he could suggest a blood test. Anaemia and under active thyroid come to mind. 😘😘

    • Patricia.1985
      Patricia.1985 Jan999

      Posted

      I'm 4 weeks post opp Thursday so i'll say at week 6 to do abit more, at the mo I'm only really doing a 5 min job about 3 times a day and then up for the loo, what would you recommend on your toes for ? Xx
    • Jan999
      Jan999 Patricia.1985

      Posted

      At around 5-6 weeks you should be building up your walking and standing gradually. So start by talking short walks, building up every day but and this is the important bit, if you feel tired or get that dragging feeling in your vulval area you should stop and rest, don't push yourself otherwise you will regret it the next day. It's the same with standing, you will find you can't stand for very long at first so again rest. You'll find that after a week you can do more and more.
    • Patricia.1985
      Patricia.1985 Jan999

      Posted

      Lovely thank you, so my body will tell me the signs and I will listen to them thank you. So by week 12 could I lift my kids if needed and hover ? X
    • Jan999
      Jan999 Patricia.1985

      Posted

      I say this all the time "listen to your body" so yes your body will let you know if you're overdoing things. Mother Nature is very good at that. By 12 weeks you'll be able to hoover and lift your young children xx
    • Ellie1943
      Ellie1943 Patricia.1985

      Posted

      Hi Patricia. I suggest a home help for a bit longer if you can afford it. You don't have to do it through your local council, there are private agencies. I found mine on care uk. I'll private message you the proper website if you're interested. changing nappies etc can be done on the floor if he's already down there it would be easier than lifting him. Best wishes, Pollyanna UK
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