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I have had Bipolar Disorder for most of my life, but was...

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Guest

I have had Bipolar Disorder for most of my life, but wasn't diagnosed until about seven years ago. It was more of a self diagnisis really, I couldn't understand why I was behaving in such an irrational way and put the cause down to the impact of a dysfunctional childhood which was full of emotional and physical trauma. I read a book about Manic Depression and my symtoms jumped from the page. Because I am a gifted pianist, at first I thought that it was vaguely glamourous because so many creative people have had this illness. We only hear about the ones who have managed to survive though. At the age of nineteen two international concert pianists wanted me to go to Music College. If I had known then that I had this illness I would have been on medication and perhaps managed to find the stability and discipline to follow it through. I'm an intelligent and articulate person and have tried to do so many things in life which have all ended in failure. I'm not sure what i want to do with my life at the moment, but am in no hurry to make a decision. Lithium really does help to get you on an even keel. If you stay on that roller coaster without taking any medication - you'll just keep going around in circles and achieve nothing. That alone is enough to make anyone depressed!

By not sticking with Lithium I have managed to lose my job, a house without a mortgage, lots of nice people who were friends and my self esteem. This illness is like a wild dog - it has to be tamed. Acceptance is the hardest thing. Admitting that you have a problem. Don't be fooled by this illness. If you feel ok - it doesn't mean that you are cured. It's an illness which is going to be around for the rest of your life, but that doesn't mean that you have to let it cripple you. I was on Lithium last year and came off it because I felt better. It was a huge mistake. I got involved with a business partner who took me for a ride and i lost a lot of money. If I had still been on Lithium, maybe when I got stressed I would have been able to cope a lot better, but it's too late to know. Good luck - and for heavens sake go and see your GP if you need medication. You owe it to yourself and to all those people that love you.:ok:

[i:40d621b6b4]This message was automatically imported from the original Patient Experience[/i:40d621b6b4]

1 like, 19 replies

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  • Guest
    Guest

    Posted

    hello,

    i am curruntly studing bipolar affective disorder and i was just wondering if you would like to be my case study?

    i myself have bipolar affective disorder but i now feel i have control over it at times. do you think this can be correct. i have a very long story to tell so i wont bore you. please reply soon.

    thankyou

    [i:8476ebf098]This message was automatically imported from the original Patient Experience[/i:8476ebf098]

    • mark51069
      mark51069 Guest

      Posted

      Hello

      I have had bipolar type I for 30 years. If you google and read PQR v Mark Quigley EWHT 1051 and also read other commentaries on it then it may peek you interest 😕

  • LIZLOU
    LIZLOU

    Posted

    smile THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING YOUR EXPERIENCE.MINE HAS BEEN VERY SIMILAR,COMING FROM A DYSFUNCTIONAL BACKGROUND.IM FINDING IT VERY HARD TO COPE AT THE MOMENT,IM ON 1OOOMG LITHIUM,AND WAITING TO GO ONTO LAMOTRIGINE IN NOVEMBER IVE BEEN TO BIPOLAR SUPPORT GROUP,AND THAT WASNT VERY HELPFUL.I WORK FULLTIME AND ALL I GOT AT THE GROUP WAS IM ON THIS BENEFIT AND THAT BENEFIT,AND I GOT THIS SUPPORT AND THAT SUPPORT.I CERTAINLY NEEDED SUPPORT BY THE TIME I LEFT THERE.AND MOST SUPPORT GROUPS RUN OF AN EVENING,AND THATS WHEN I WORK. ONE THING THAT REALLY BUGS ME ABOUT BIPOLAR,IS THIS GIFT OF GIVING AWAY OUR CASH.I DONT KNOW WHY I DO IT,AND YOU NEVER GET IT BACK.

    I WOULD LOVE TO GET MYSELF A NEW JOB,BUT NOONE SEEMS TO WANT ME NOW.I WOULD LOVE TO WORK WITH KIDS.I SPEND MOST OF MY SATURDAY EVENINGS BABYSITTING NOW,AND DEAL WITH IT THAT WAY,AND HAVE JUST ACQUIRED ANOTHER TWO TO BABYSIT TOO.BLESS EM

    ANYHOW,IT HAS BEEN A PLEASURE TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOU,AND I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST.TAKE CARE

  • markdask
    markdask

    Posted

    Hi J.K.

    you sound so much the classic Bipolar - I am amazed you were so foolish as to come off the lithium. I don't agree acceptance is the hardest thing - it was a matter of relief to me when I was finally diagnosed at age 49 - it explained so much of my past failure. Now I know me so much better - and accept me for my limitations as well as my MENSA IQ.

    Hope you find and keep your balance

    Mark

    • chris14174
      chris14174 markdask

      Posted

      Hi markdask

      I'm 49 and still waiting for a diagnosis. I'm great for 3 months then deeply depressed for 3 months but can't get answers. How do they finally diagnose? Ive seen 3 different psychiatrists and none were interested. Cant see the same person due to funds. So frustrating .

      Chris

  • Wendesha
    Wendesha

    Posted

    Hello JK,

    You are perfectly correct when you say that ACCEPTANCE IS THE HARDEST THING, the fact that you have a mental illness is very hard to deal with. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder since 1996 and I have been on and off many different medications because I did not accept the fact that I have to take medication for the rest of my life. In 2006 I spent Christmas and Newyears in the hospital because i took ill. I made a vow to my self that I will never be ill again and this is when I finally accepted my Bipolar Disorder. I also made a vow that I will take my medication for as long as I have to and I will keep my doctor appointments.

    Keep the faith and trust in the Lord.

    Wendesha

  • angela133
    angela133

    Posted

    Acceptance is definitely one of the hardest things for me. Listening to medical experts and taking their advice is imperative. Taking my medication regularly (lithium and aripiprazole) is vital.

    I am in recovery from a latest bout of a manic mood affective state. As I said it is recovery and though I feel well I am unfit for work, which breaks my heart. However if I had a visible injury like a broken leg i'd be off work for a couple of weeks. I have a poorly mind so am taking a few days off work, kind of similar (so they tell me!)

    My query always relates to both pregnancy and the long term effects of taking lithium and perhaps to a lesser degree aripiprazole. I know I should not have a baby when on lithium, but in this manic episode was so broody I could have eaten my brother's children of whom I am very fond! Regarding the aripiprazole I am not sure of the long term effects at all, and neither is my medical team.

    Can anyone offer any advice. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Depression for 6 years, probably had it longer and self managed it. But went through a difficult divorce and a change of country, so found things a bit tough for a while. I always think i am in remission - i was 2 years ago, got a letter from the Dr. to say so, however now I am in relapse and not very happy about it.

    Any tips welcome.

    Kind regards

    AW

    • louise79427
      louise79427 angela133

      Posted

      Hi Angela

      How do you find the aripripiprazole? Might be going on it, was on rispiridone before and did not like it.

      Lou x

  • susan355
    susan355

    Posted

    Hi just read your message i have also struggled with manic depression as it used to be called

    most of my life 58 yrs now was given tranquilizers in my twenties and then went on to anti depressants

    struggled with what I now know is bipolar,but have found it very difficult to get a diagnoses.

    was finally given more mind bending drugs ie: depakote and risperidone and had very bad side effects

    hello they are supposedly trying to make me feel better! So went back to just taking my venlafaxine

    just recently managed to get an apt with a psychiatrist and shock horror he suggested to come of

    my venlafaxine and just suggested to take Quetiapine,when I went online I discovered the bad side

    effects of this drug also.Think I will just stay as I am as cant get any help.

  • sally104
    sally104

    Posted

    I have been diagnosed with Type 2 bipolar, it's taken 35yrs to get the diagnosis of why I'm different to other people so it's quite nice to now have an explanation.

    Have been having difficulties of increasing depression that I'm still really struggling with, along with generalised anxiety which makes it impossible for me to go out unless someone is with me, or to answer the telephone, or to be in crowded, busy places, or to have people able to walk / sit behind me in restaurants etc.

    My physical health also seems to be in decline, I have an underactive thyroid, high BP, an irregular heart beat, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, and now......blood clots. I am feeling pretty crap and really struggling to cope with it all.

    As for meds, I take Venlafaxine, Tegretol, Quetiapine, Co-codamol, Ibruprofen, Ramipril, Thyroxine, Elleste solo, ceterizine, Oneprazole, warfarin, Simvastatin and I self inject Heparin into belly.

    I'm just so fed up, I can't seem to get to a positive points, as fast as I start to do something positive, something else happens........I am so tired, I almost wish I could just be taken into hospital, and be switched off. Do any of you feel like that.

    There have been lots of things happening, daughter terminally ill, grandson died, Mum died, loss of career (don't mind that one), house move (from London to Warwickshire), just everything. I would like to curl up and die.

    Sorry for whingeing

    • Adam_Balogh
      Adam_Balogh sally104

      Posted

      Hello Sally i just read your msg since i just joined this forum im from the usa so some of my use of english may differ from you guys in the u.k. any way i feel terrible for you for everything you have gone thru i just found im bipolar and im 43 kinda glad i found out for it explains all the misery in my life caused by this disorder....if youre still on here get back to me id like to talk to you about this and to make it thru this life....
  • sally104
    sally104

    Posted

    I have been diagnosed with Type 2 bipolar, it's taken 35yrs to get the diagnosis of why I'm different to other people so it's quite nice to now have an explanation.

    Have been having difficulties of increasing depression that I'm still really struggling with, along with generalised anxiety which makes it impossible for me to go out unless someone is with me, or to answer the telephone, or to be in crowded, busy places, or to have people able to walk / sit behind me in restaurants etc.

    My physical health also seems to be in decline, I have an underactive thyroid, high BP, an irregular heart beat, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, and now......blood clots. I am feeling pretty crap and really struggling to cope with it all.

    As for meds, I take Venlafaxine, Tegretol, Quetiapine, Co-codamol, Ibruprofen, Ramipril, Thyroxine, Elleste solo, ceterizine, Oneprazole, warfarin, Simvastatin and I self inject Heparin into belly.

    I'm just so fed up, I can't seem to get to a positive points, as fast as I start to do something positive, something else happens........I am so tired, I almost wish I could just be taken into hospital, and be switched off. Do any of you feel like that.

    There have been lots of things happening, daughter terminally ill, grandson died, Mum died, loss of career (don't mind that one), house move (from London to Warwickshire), just everything. I would like to curl up and die.

    Sorry for whingeing

  • angela133
    angela133

    Posted

    Hi Sally

    I have just read your post and am feeling very sorry for you. You have gone through a lot of changes recently, not all of them good ones I imagine but you will get there. Keep strong and hold onto positive thoughts of

    all the good things in your life. Its the only thing that keeps me going when i feel ill.

    I am now in remission i think. I am 22 weeks pregnant, off my lithium which i am so pleased about. Baby hormones are raging and keeping me well thank God. I still take a reduced intake of aripiprazole but other than that i am on vitamin supplements for baby. I get so broody when i am ill and view this pregnancy as the blessing in my life that I have needed.

    I hope things get better for you soon,

    Stay strong and well,

    Kindest regards

    Angela

  • sally104
    sally104

    Posted

    Just hearing aboit wonderful new beginnings makes me feel better. Let me know how how things progress etc. And ENJOY your peace will soon be wonderfully crushed for a demanding little person! Big hugs xxxx
  • coxluke
    coxluke

    Posted

    I have been diagnosed with bp last year although as most people I have had it a lot longer. About 15 years ago had amazing idea to paint the kitchen,I had to do it straight away but problem was only had yellow paint,so by the time wife got home everything in kitchen was painted yellow. A few days later it was the garden,big idea to change it,got up out of bed soon as got the idea and by 5am I had ripped out the garden. Apart from these big ideas I have spending money is the worst and has I like photography,I get hypermanic and buy a new camera. I can switch quite quickly from being hyper to very depressed in one day. Not many days when I have a normal mood. I am on quetiapine and psychiatrist as just added lithium. Have to go and have my second lot of blood tests on Monday. Have been off work for Eight weeks because I have been so unstable,the worry of that is not helping as I have a wife and three kids to support and a mortgage,plus debts I have run up. My wife is a great support and comes to all my appointments,she is my best friend and I could not be without her.
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