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I have had Bipolar Disorder for most of my life, but was...

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I have had Bipolar Disorder for most of my life, but wasn't diagnosed until about seven years ago. It was more of a self diagnisis really, I couldn't understand why I was behaving in such an irrational way and put the cause down to the impact of a dysfunctional childhood which was full of emotional and physical trauma. I read a book about Manic Depression and my symtoms jumped from the page. Because I am a gifted pianist, at first I thought that it was vaguely glamourous because so many creative people have had this illness. We only hear about the ones who have managed to survive though. At the age of nineteen two international concert pianists wanted me to go to Music College. If I had known then that I had this illness I would have been on medication and perhaps managed to find the stability and discipline to follow it through. I'm an intelligent and articulate person and have tried to do so many things in life which have all ended in failure. I'm not sure what i want to do with my life at the moment, but am in no hurry to make a decision. Lithium really does help to get you on an even keel. If you stay on that roller coaster without taking any medication - you'll just keep going around in circles and achieve nothing. That alone is enough to make anyone depressed!

By not sticking with Lithium I have managed to lose my job, a house without a mortgage, lots of nice people who were friends and my self esteem. This illness is like a wild dog - it has to be tamed. Acceptance is the hardest thing. Admitting that you have a problem. Don't be fooled by this illness. If you feel ok - it doesn't mean that you are cured. It's an illness which is going to be around for the rest of your life, but that doesn't mean that you have to let it cripple you. I was on Lithium last year and came off it because I felt better. It was a huge mistake. I got involved with a business partner who took me for a ride and i lost a lot of money. If I had still been on Lithium, maybe when I got stressed I would have been able to cope a lot better, but it's too late to know. Good luck - and for heavens sake go and see your GP if you need medication. You owe it to yourself and to all those people that love you.:ok:

[i:40d621b6b4]This message was automatically imported from the original Patient Experience[/i:40d621b6b4]

1 like, 19 replies

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  • sfarrell38
    sfarrell38

    Posted

    Thankyou all for these posts, I myself have been diagnosed with Bipolar, I felt so ashamed about this, couldn't tell anyone and felt useless. I have changed jobs, some of them really good jobs so many times over the last few years, got into alot of debt which I can't get out of, and feel that I need help managing the debts. Sometimes I am unable to go out, I just stay in the house, hate shopping and always feel that something really bad is going to happen to my children aged 14 and 20 now. (Boys) feel helpless !!!
  • angela133
    angela133

    Posted

    Hi folks, I now have a healthy bundle of fun - a wee boy born in February 2014. It hasn't been an easy time though and I volunteered to go into the Mother and Baby Unit for a few days post birth to see if they could make the transition to motherhood a little easier. I tried breast feeding which I shouldn't have. I couldn't do it and got upset and frustrated with myself. I should also have been put on my lithium again quicker and avoided breast feeding altogether. I eventually got sectioned after a visit from an unhelpful CPN when I said I just wanted to leave the hospital and would take my medication at home and didn't want to be there - as any new mum would say. However they said I was a high risk category so had to section me to make me stay. To say i am appalled at the turn of events is an understatement. I now have to disclose that I have been sectioned under the Mental Health Act if an employer asks! And it all feels so un-necessary - I had already been a voluntary patient and had gone back up to the hospital albeit upset I was willing! Thankfully I have my beautiful baby boy and am happy to be home with him now but it has been a traumatic time for my whole family as they struggled to understand what was going on. I was sleep deprived but what new Mum isn't? However I now know the necessity for sleep for someone with bp and a new baby to look after and am taking steps not to get in this predicament again. I have also written an Advanced Statement about what I want to happen/ what I don't want to happen if I fall ill again and would highly recommend this to anyone with bp. Hope this is of some help to someone smile

  • chris14174
    chris14174 Guest

    Posted

    Hi I wonder how you are doing now? I am still trying to work out if im bipolar. I am really really happy for 3 months and then really low for 3 months and feel completely useless I even struggle to make a cup of tea! I am under the mental health team but get nowhere. I have another appointment soon but am losing hope. each depression seems worst than the the last one. I know I worry about money etc but I worry to extreme when I am ill. Just cant get answers or help taking sertraline at the mo and 25mg quietipine but still the same 3 month cycle. So fed up cant keep doing this :-(
  • Sandy12345
    Sandy12345 Guest

    Posted

    I only just saw this message and I have to say it's really good. I'm impressed with it; you're very eloquent and describe your experiences well. I hope others can read what you have written and learn from it.
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