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I have no idea what to say

Posted , 6 users are following.

Heather924
Heather924

I was diagnosed with depression back in August, which isn't a very long time, but I've been feeling this way for over a year now. I'm 16 years old, my 17th birthday coming quickly and I can't seem to get a grip on my own life, even though, in theory, I have nothing to feel so bad about. But reality is a different story which I can't control. I'm not really sure what to say here, I was recommended from a transgender friend of mine to seek some help outside my counsellor from other people who are experiencing the same thing as I am.

My doctor said that my depression was brought on from loss. May it be through death or list leaving me, which has happened quite a lot in such a short series of time. My nana died ten years ago which hurt a lot and that's where it started. About 6 years ago, my dad moved to England (I'm from Scotland) which is always hard. Last year is when it really started to get bad. My best friend started dating the guy I liked and told me not to speak to him so I stopped talking to them both which was absolutely heartbreaking. I didn't know what to do and I was devastated for months. This happened in the summer of 2014. A few months later, in December, my papa died after battling cancer for months, whilst he lived with us, and that completely broke me. I haven't been the same since. I'm not interested in much anymore and I don't feel like counselling is helping me. I don't know what else to do, where else to turn to. I'm so tired of this situation and I just don't want to disappoint anyone, especially my mum. It also didn't help when my brother moved out. A couple of weeks after he moved to England, I was diagnosed with depression.

I just had to get all of that out and if anyone has any advice, that would be great, any ideas on how I can be proactive and help myself and stop feeling so unreasonably down all the time. I wouldn't be surprised if this is ignored due to its length but it had to be said, one way or another. Thank you for reading if you took the time.

2 likes, 31 replies

31 Replies

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  • dk25651
    dk25651 Heather924

    Posted

    Hi Heather,

    It's been a little while since you posted this, how are you feeling? I'm sorry to hear about all the losses in your life, it sounds like a lot to handle, especially for someone so young, it sounds to me like you are a very strong person. You say that you 'have nothing to feel bad about' and this is something that you mustn't say to yourself, even people who are very very fortunate with wonderful lives can experience depression, it's a medical condition, not something which we choose or can just 'snap out of'

    Luckily there are lots of things that can us with depression. Hopefully your counselling session will help eventually, but if they don't don't lose help. Remember that if you do decide on medication it's not something to be ashamed of. Lots of people take them and are really helped by them.

    I hope you're feeling lots better soon!

     

    • dk25651
      dk25651

      Posted

      i meant to say don't lose hope! haha
    • Heather924
      Heather924 dk25651

      Posted

      Thank you, I'm starting to realise that its not just something I can turn off. Like you said, I have good days and bad days, today being a bad day. Overall, I would say I could be better but I'm getting there, I think. I'm just taking it a day at a time and hopefully soon I'll start seeing results with my counselling. I feel like medication is more of a safety net and a last resort for me, its a great choice for some people and if counselling doesn't work then it's definitely an option.

      Thank you for taking the time to reply smile

    • dk25651
      dk25651 Heather924

      Posted

      No problem. It does sound like you are going in the right direction, even if you do have bad days smile
    • stevo1975
      stevo1975 Heather924

      Posted

      Great work heather I'm proud to hear this from you I read your comments and troubles sounds like you are on the way smile
    • Heather924
      Heather924 dk25651

      Posted

      I sure hope so. However, two of my best friends today said that they didn't want to hang about with me anymore so that was a bit of a shock. It feels like everyone I start to trust just screws me over in the end. I've been crying all day and felt like I had no one. But the silver lining is the people that I do have and the people that genuinely do care about me. That's the best feeling in the world and I'm thankful for them. I'll keep pushing on smile
    • dk25651
      dk25651 Heather924

      Posted

      It's great that you can see the positive side of things. These friends are the ones with the loss as you seem like a lovely girl! The thing about depression is, as horrible as it is, it makes us very empathetic people, we understand a lot more than others do (and make great friends.) Try not to worry and keep remembering and putting your energy into relationships with people that love you! It sounds like you're doing better already! keep going! smile
    • Heather924
      Heather924 dk25651

      Posted

      I try my best to, although it isn't always easy. That's such a lovely thing for you to say and I genuinely does mean a lot. Now that you mention it, that definitely seems true. I would probably describe myself as a pushover but today I actually stood up for myself and it completely backfired. Seems like people don't want to be my friend unless I act like a doormat. I am trying not to worry but it is very difficult when people you love keep pushing you to the side. I have a fantastic boyfriend, however and I know that he's there for me whenever I need him and I really do have good friends. This day has made me realise who my true friends really are. Today has been awful, I have been crying all day and have been feeling sick with anxiety, so much so that I thought I was going to throw up. It's a horrible feeling and it feels pretty similar to when I stopped talking to my old best friend but at least this time, I'm not alone. I won't be giving up, there's people that care about me, even though my depression clouds that judgement sometimes. I have reason to keep living and I refuse to fall back into the state I was in over a year ago. I know I'm improving every day, even if it sometimes feels totally hopeless. Thank you for your kind words and I hope you are doing well smile
    • stevo1975
      stevo1975 Heather924

      Posted

      Hey Heather, they cant have been true frineds if they just dumped on you like that ! true friends are with you through thick and thin something you cant buy! Hang in there sweet I know lots of kids would love to be your frined just a matter of time smile
    • Heather924
      Heather924 stevo1975

      Posted

      Thank you, I'm starting to realise that. They got angry and upset with me for me being upset at what they did to me. Seems like I'm not allowed to be upset or mad or else people hate me and it's a horrible feeling. I've been feeling sick with anxiety every since, I tend to analyse everything in a lot of depth and I've just been left confused. Once I leave school, hopefully things will get better but this is a horrible time. At least I still have true friends now. Thank you for taking the time to reply
    • stevo1975
      stevo1975 Heather924

      Posted

      Heather people like these are testing you and showing you who you shouldnt waste your time and energy on! Dont think too hard sweet thats a anxiety trait I was really bad googling everything just let it be dont stress too much matey! you will meet friends and they will be no effort tahts what the friendship trip is all about I have a friend who I've known since we were five now I'm 40 and we dont see each other all that much any more but when we do its just easy hang timeso too will you smile
    • Heather924
      Heather924 stevo1975

      Posted

      It's definitely made me realise a lot. Anxiety is a not so new thing for me but I'm trying to deal with it every day. It just takes time, I suppose to find people who really care, thank you smile
  • Heather924
    Heather924

    Posted

    I just thought I'd give you all an update on what's been happening lately. I turned 17 in November and a couple of weeks ago I got started on medication. I had a couple of breakdowns which just left me completely fed up of feeling the way I do so I wanted any help I could get. I've been taking 2mg of fluoxetine and I have surprisingly noticed a change in myself. I am no longer able to cry, even though I used to about every other day. I have mixed feelings on it at the minute but I'm hopeful. My counselling is going well but my 12 week block is almost up and I know I'm going to feel a bit lost without it. I'm debating on whether I should seek further counselling but I don't really have the money to pay for one outside of the school. I recently contracted a kidney infection and a chest infection which hasn't really been helping my mood, especially since I've been off school for a week which always makes me anxious seeing as I'm supposed to be going to university next year. But I remain hopeful that everything will work out. I'm not ashamed of being on medication, all it is, is a little extra help. They don't control the way I am, they just help me to remain the way I really am and I hope that becomes more prominent in the following weeks. All of your comments has been reassuring since the last time we all spoke and it would be nice to get a little more feedback on what you all think. Thank you for reading. ☺️
    • Heather924
      Heather924

      Posted

      Meant to say 20mg of fluoxetine 😂
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