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I've been putting up with moderate but continual anxiety and depression for years now to the point where I think feeling like this has become normalised. However, as I get older, I'm realising that these issues are starting to severely affect my quality of life
For at least fifteen years now I seem to have been suffering from problems such as:
Poor short and long term memory
Can't think clearly or strategically
Can't express myself clearly
Struggle to think of things to say to people
Seem to have nothing on my mind most of the time
Can't hold many thoughts in my head at the one time
If I read things I struggle to remember in any detail what they are almost as soon as I've finished reading, ditto if I'm listening to something
I feel emotionally flat
Have difficulty having a deep or meaningful relationship with anyone
These issues are permanent and don't come and go - for example, I can't remember a time when I've felt clear headed and able to remember things well.
The frustrating thing is that academically I seem to be quite smart but my cognitive ability is very poor. I went back to uni 6 years ago, did well and I recently got a good new job. However i am struggling due to my memory, concentration and ability to deal with multiple strands of information. It's being noticed and commented on by colleagues and I'm really worried I won't be able to cope and will have to quit.
I've found I've always struggled at any workplace I've had due to these cognitive issues but until now have always had mundane, low responsibility jobs where I could get away with it.
I'm on propanolol every day which lessens some of the physical symptoms but I still get tight chested and short of breath when stressed and minor things (mostly at work) get me panicky.
I've tried prozac which for 8 weeks which had no noticeable effect and citalopram for 6 weeks which just made me nauseous and gave me a weird feeling in my head. I took venlafaxine for the first time on Saturday and it floored me - Sickness, diarrhoea, dizziness, pressure in my head and anxiousness. I'm scared to take it again now- there's no way I could go to work like that.
My doctor booked me in with an NHS psychiatrist but the waiting list is 9 months so I'm thinking I'll have to go private, which I can't really afford but I need to do something about this. I've ignored it for too long.
I'm feeling really hopeless, withdrawn and worried right now. Has anyone experienced similar long term symptoms and if so, have you found anything that's helped make things better?
Sorry for the rambling email but I've not really talked to anyone about this other than my doctor and I really need to speak to others about this, hopefully people who have gone through or are experiencing similar issues.
Thanks for reading.
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