I just can’t do this anymore, please help me

Posted , 13 users are following.

This is now going into my eleventh week of citalopram 20mg and because it caused me insomnia since coming off mirtazipine and going on to the citalopram, I’m really struggling with the nights and it’s making my anxiety worse I’m so scared. Six weeks ago the doctors prescribed me zoplicone but for some reason the last two nights it’s not worked and I’m in such a mess. Yesterday the doctor gave me diazepam 2mg which I’ve tried to use but I’m not having much luck with it.

I spoke to a mental health nurse in the night and they said that the drugs are just tools and none will work on their own, I need to learn to deal with the anxiety, but I’m so scared I just don’t know how. There have been times in the night when I’ve felt so afraid I’ve thought I’d rather not be here anymore. It breaks my heart because I have a daughter and husband and I know it would devastate them but right now I’m terrified and can’t see a way out. I know I could up the citalopram to 30mg but I’m scared of getting worse. Please can anyone advise me I just don’t know how much longer I can go on for. I have had some good days a week ago but now I feel like I’ve gone back again and I know it’s the disrupted sleep that’s doing it.😢

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  • Posted

    Hi Gemma, I agree with your mental health nurse about these meds being tools, they cannot solve our problems, I see them as part of a support system. Rather than focusing on everything in one go, try to focus on things one at a time, it makes it less overwhelming. There are things you can do to assist sleep and things you can do to assist anxiety. Try also to settle on your existing meds rather than going up and down, as this will make you feel worse. You have had some good days thats great, you will get more good days too.

    Please speak to your doctor and your partner regarding your thoughts of not wanting to be here anymore, do not suffer this alone, am certain your partner would be more upset if he didnt know. Keep posting on here, you can get through this.

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    • Posted

      I’m just really scared, it’s the sleep issues that are making me worse I think. The doctor wants me to go up to 30 as he doesn’t think that 20 is enough but I’m not sure. I fear that the sleep issue will be greater if I go up. I Just don’t know which way to turn at the moment.
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    • Posted

      Hello Star, how are you?

      I am getting improvements, my eyesight is much better, I knew it had got worse, didnt put it down to meds. Am quietly confident that I am going to be ok, just taking each day as it comes. Nausea, tummy and exhaustion is worst thing at the moment.

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    • Posted

      Hi Paula,

      I’m doing a bit better thanks. The anxiety isn’t fully gone but not as bad as it was. I’m also starting CBT therapy in a couple of weeks which I’m happy about, my new therapist sounds really nice. Glad to hear you are feeling a bit better. Hopefully your other symptoms will ease up soon x

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    • Posted

      Hello Lois, am starting to feel a bit better, could be a window hopefully not.

      My eyes, am short sighted and they have been getting worse in the last year. I wear vari focal contact lenses and have to keep taking them out or wearing reading glasses to read my phone. I was typing away on here the other day when it suddenly occurred to me that i was wearing my contacts and reading everything clearly, I kept testing it thinking nooo, maybe I am imagining it, then I noticed my distance seemed sharper. So not only has my photophobia disappeared my eyesight has improved. To think I had to see an eye specialist for my eyes, even they didnt pick up on all this. Parathesia has improved, only have it in one foot now, i do get moments in the day, oh and the hot legs has gone. All good

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    • Posted

      Have you ever discussed with your dr about  taking Trazadone at night for sleep? When used in small doses, it works as a sleep aid, without the weird side effects that others on the market do.  I have been using this medication for many years bc every antidepressant I’ve tried gives me terrible insomnia. I only take 10 mg of citalopram and have sleep issues- so I take 1/2 of the lowest dose of trazadone tablet they make (50mg) and my sleep is much improved. I’m sorry you are having these issues- honestly one of the worst feelings in the world is to be so tired but not to be able to sleep- it makes everything so much worse! I have been there many times before. I would ask your dr about this med and hopefully it could be of help to you! Let me know if you have any other questions or just need to chat!
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    • Posted

      Thank you so much Paula 🤗 it’s weird. I look ‘normal’ and I’m able to get on with most things but anxiety still creeps up on me. It’s strange, it’s like my brain ‘checks’ to see if it’s still there and the thoughts like to still pop up and remind me they’re around 🙄 but, I’m in a better place than I was a couple of weeks ago.  Hopefully one day soon we will both fully get there!! 🙏🏼

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    • Posted

      I have been reading up on windows and waves with ssri's and it mentions intrusive thoughts, apparently they get further and further apart. Tell the thoughts to buzz off 😊, easier said I know. We will be ok theres no hopefully involved, just need to give our brain time.

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