I just want someone to talk to
Posted , 8 users are following.
I can't remember when it started but I guess that I have always been sad. My family is broken, even though my parents are not divorced. My father, for unknown reasons, don't like to spend time with my mother, brother and I, therefore he doesn't live with us. As far as I could remember, it has always been only the three of us in the family, there was no such thing as a father. My mother worked hard, all by herself to raise my brother and I up. She faced a lot of stress from trying to earn more money, therefore she has been verbally abusing me to vent her anger at work (my brother is rarely home due to university).
I was bullied in elementary school. Best part was that my teacher encouraged the bullying. I had no one to turn to for help and everyday was hell. As I left for middle school, the believing in others part of me died. I doubted everyone, friends, classmates, family and teacher. I couldn't make friends easily and even when I did, I was unable to trust them fully. It has always been so till today.
These years, I have been crying, sometimes over small matters such as being scolded by the teacher, or sometimes over nothing at all. I will cuddle up in a corner of the room and let the tears stream down. I was always tired, lethargic. My sleeping hours can range from no sleep at all to around 20 hours at one go. Sometimes, my appetite is huge and sometimes I can go on for a day with no meals. I could not concentrate at school. I don't feel like doing anything at home, just lying on the floor and not moving. My grades have been falling and I don't care at all. I just feel so worthless. I tried to study, to eat properly, but I just can't. I really tried but no one saw that.
Recently, the sense of worthlessness has gotten worse and the amount of tears has increased. I feel more and more suicidal as the days go by. I cut myself the other day. It was hard to remember the last time I really felt happy. I wanted to get better and I knew that I have to receive help. I broke down in front of my mother some days ago and pleaded for help. Yet, she did not wish for me to visit a psychiatrist for she feels that only crazy people needs to visit a psychiatrist.
I just want to talk to someone. I just want to feel happy again. Please tell me how I can get better..
3 likes, 17 replies
Shampoo auria66713
Posted
I like the name by the way. It's beautiful just as you are.
i just want you to know that you are not alone. I too felt just like you because I've been through what you have and I must say that what made it worse for me was that when I was being bullied I never told my parents. Our experiences are similar in that it was mostly my mom brother and I, my father was the provider and made share we had a roof over our heads. I was bullied by 5 girls at school, I did nothing but sad to say because of the Colour of my skin and texture of my hair I was kicked, my hair was pulled, I was told that people with my complexion were dirty; so all these things caused me not to trust people, I truly understand and for many years I tried to fit in with society and sometimes by making wrong choices like smoking and swearing, but thank God I am over that now! What helped me was mostly Me! I was able to build a relationship with God and Isaiah 41:10 kept jumping out of the Bible at me constantly; "Fear not, dont be afraid, I (God) am WITH YOU, do not be dismayed, don't be sad or depressed I will help you!" That alone made me so strong. Auria certainly seek help but at the same time seek God and stay close to Him and he will stay close to you! Think of this, if you invented something are you not the BEST person to tell someone how it works? Well God made you therefore He's the BEST person to go to. He knows your heart so don't hide anything from Him. Since Bilding a relationship with God I have mental stability and I don't cry all the time anymore, and I am learning to accept people one person at a time, I still keep people at arms length but I am learning that just because one erson is bad it doesn't mean all are bad. Time and forgiveness heals.