I'm a complete idiot

Posted , 6 users are following.

I'm such a prat!

Throughout all of this the one person who has had my back no matter what has been my other half! Yes the parents and friends are all there but this women knows me more then anyone in the world.Even when I moved out she made me know that she would still be there for me because she loves me and she wants to see me well, be that the man she fell in love with or even if that means getting to know the man I have become.

BUT I;m an idiot i keep doing things to push her away. She has just found out that I joined a dating site and that I'm talking to other women on there (Just talking  which i know i shouldn't but still i do) I knew it would come out eventually but i still went on. I know what I am doing is wrong but because i left 4 months ago now I justify it even tho I know she won't like it but I don't care when Im actually doing it and find the lies just slipping out be it via text or face to face! I can see it hurting her and I can see she's getting closer to the limits of what she can take but still I push! what's wrong with me? 

She normally exts when i come home from work and today....nothing!!!

1 like, 27 replies

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  • Posted

    you are a prat stay with the women that your with.

    i was with a women that i truly loved with all my heart but she past away this may and my heart still hurts know i want to take my life but i cant i have a son with her

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  • Posted

    Paul is right if you have someone who truly loves you and is willing to stand by you don't throw it away. 

    I have a friend who went on to have an affair, the reasoning being she had untreated depression, she has now lost her marriage. 

    My husband is very ill and is also untreated, self medicating with alcohol and with OW who is an alcohlic.

    It's up to you but the feeling you are having are normal and all linked to Depression, sadly many people push away those they love the most in doing so they do untold unimagineable damage and sometimes there is no going back.

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    • Posted

      I'm on Sereline so I am getting treated and I talk to someone now twice a week which does seem to help but I find myself doing things and saying things that I wouldn't normally!

      I don't know prehaps now I've left the house I should just leave her alone and not contact her anymore...she would be better off without me anyway

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    • Posted

      I took anti d's for over 26 years for anxiety and agoraphobia, I know it's not an easy ride, it's like anything you have to keep working on it and I know you're going to think the cheeky c*w she does not have a clue but believe me there were days when getting to the front door was a major achievement let alone walking down the path and down the road.

      Perhaps she would be better off without me?  That comment is so typical, I too felt like a burden to my loved ones but believe me without their love and support I would not have got better.  My husband has destroyed an entire family, he has even cut our kids off and I'm having to defend us from someone who has changed beyond recognition who said he didn't want to hurt us, sadly his behaviour has been destructive and if I am honest after the way in which we have all been treated we no longer care if he is still breathing.  Keep trying that's all you can do,  I know what you mean when you say you are doing things you would not normally do, I had psychotic episodes, imagined I had run someone over and stopped to look under the car to check I hadn't.  If an alarm went off I thought it was a nuclear attack, D messes with your mind and it's hard to define reality and fiction, I have every sympathy I know it's not a place to be. 

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    • Posted

      Sometimes I do yes, other times I feel nothing for her or anyone or anything! It's why I moved out! I can see what I'm doing is hurting her but she is still right there supporting me! I don't know anything anymore...whats the point everyone is gonna leave eventually so I might as well force while she still loves me before she decides I'm not worth it
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    • Posted

      tell her how you fee right now mate before you loser her

      i cant o that my girlfriend i was in truly madly deeply in prue love with her anfd sh ne that becaues i told hr every day of our lifes together

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    • Posted

      yep and yet another comment typical of D saying things like everyone is going to leave you eventually and you had better leave before they abandon you.

      my advice is the same as Paul's deal with this or you are going to end up very sad and very lonely.  Believe me there is only so much hurt someone loves you can take, running away is not solving anything.

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    • Posted

      Well you will be without her if you carry on the way you are.  Are you trying subconsciously trying to push her away?  

      My nephew wanted to leave his gf but lacked the courage to tell her so he deliberately had an affair making sure she found out.   That's a cowards way out.  It would be a slap in the face for this poor woman and i doubt she would be so nice if there was a next time.  If you are doing this despite knowing how much it would hurt her then I agree she is better off without you.  Then she can find a man who deserves her and doesn't treat her in such a shabby way.    x

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    • Posted

      I don't deserve her!

      I talk to others because it's easier then talking to her, she has suggested we start again and we talk about mundane things rather then what's going on and our lives together but it's hard because it's still her!

      Starting again with a stranger is easier and doesn't put any pressure on me.

      And yet she still says she is here for me as always and that she inderstands me talking to other people she just doesn't want me to shut her out.....I can't keep hurting her, i won't, I hate it, I don't deserve her!

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    • Posted

      I have left, I told her 4 months ago that i didn't want to be in a relationship and I got my own place!

      $ months down the road and yes i realise she is a wonderful supportive women who i don't deserve but i do want her in my life.... even if thats in some small way!

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    • Posted

      Starting again with a stranger is easier? 

      I've heard that cr*p before, the reason is that you like some others don't want to sort your issues, easier to keep burying your head in the sand.

      Well if you really feel you don't deserve her don't do what they call the push me pull me rountine which means you go back and forth to her unable to decide.  Do the decent thing let her go to someone who will give a sh*t and care about her. 

      Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear, but I have heard enough excuses to last me a lifetime. 

      My friend with D does not like me challenging her or her behaviour  she is making excuses and thinks someone is going to wave a magic wand and give her a magic pill.  She has to learn to sort herself, I've had to cut her off too ringing me in the early hours of the morning asking me to contact the crisis team and talking about suicide, by the time I had received the 12th text I was ready to tell her to go do it, yes that sounds harsh but how do you help and support someone who won't help themselves?

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    • Posted

      I totally agree with you.  I live with several people in my life that even though they have been clinically diagnosed with some sort of depression and placed on medication, they seem to walk around with a sense of entitlement that everyone else's feelings and life has to revolve around theirs and then the ones of us who do not qualify for a "pill" to fix our problem have to tolerate it.  I sometimes believe that people with personality disorders or emotional problems are not clinically depressed and doctors push pills on them just to keep from getting sued for not doing anything at all.  And some psychotropic drugs make things actually worse especially in people who do not need them to begin with!  What ever happened to biofeedback and good therapy from a mental health professional?  Too many can use it as an excuse to play their games and it makes it harder on those who actually do suffer from true mental illness.  Someone suffering from true mental depression or bipolar illness can benefit greatly from psychotherapy as well as some drugs but those should only go for so long.  Only those patients who suffer from suicidal thought processes or severe anxiety, or homicidal thoughts need to be medicated permanently IMO.  Too many drugs dispensed these days that don't work. 
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    • Posted

      You don't deserve her.  And she deserves someone who is capable of giving back to her.  You are all about what's easier for you, aren't you?  Selfish to the letter!  Did you ever think that perhaps you hide behind your mental illness a tad just to get what YOU want?  A lot of it is her fault to for putting up with it but one day she's going to reach the end of her generous rope.  I say you either buck up and do the right thing by her or get the heck out and let her go find someone worthy enough for her.  I think that's where you're headed anyway.  Then you can jump from stranger to stranger, leaving when the going gets too real for you.  Quit jerking her around to suit your needs.  If you care about her, you know what you need to do. 
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    • Posted

      Do you want her as a friend, or as a friend with "benefits"?  You should be ashamed of yourself if it's the latter.  However, it sounds like her feelings for you are way deeper than you're for her so just keeping her as a friend would be cruel to her.  Just let her go completely, if not for your sake, for hers.  Stop using her. 
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