I'm a complete idiot
Posted , 6 users are following.
I'm such a prat!
Throughout all of this the one person who has had my back no matter what has been my other half! Yes the parents and friends are all there but this women knows me more then anyone in the world.Even when I moved out she made me know that she would still be there for me because she loves me and she wants to see me well, be that the man she fell in love with or even if that means getting to know the man I have become.
BUT I;m an idiot i keep doing things to push her away. She has just found out that I joined a dating site and that I'm talking to other women on there (Just talking which i know i shouldn't but still i do) I knew it would come out eventually but i still went on. I know what I am doing is wrong but because i left 4 months ago now I justify it even tho I know she won't like it but I don't care when Im actually doing it and find the lies just slipping out be it via text or face to face! I can see it hurting her and I can see she's getting closer to the limits of what she can take but still I push! what's wrong with me?
She normally exts when i come home from work and today....nothing!!!
1 like, 27 replies
paul67642 Slowly_dieing
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i was with a women that i truly loved with all my heart but she past away this may and my heart still hurts know i want to take my life but i cant i have a son with her
Slowly_dieing paul67642
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paul67642 Slowly_dieing
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but get of the dating sites you have a female who cares for you
jackie82937 Slowly_dieing
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I have a friend who went on to have an affair, the reasoning being she had untreated depression, she has now lost her marriage.
My husband is very ill and is also untreated, self medicating with alcohol and with OW who is an alcohlic.
It's up to you but the feeling you are having are normal and all linked to Depression, sadly many people push away those they love the most in doing so they do untold unimagineable damage and sometimes there is no going back.
Slowly_dieing jackie82937
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I don't know prehaps now I've left the house I should just leave her alone and not contact her anymore...she would be better off without me anyway
jackie82937 Slowly_dieing
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Perhaps she would be better off without me? That comment is so typical, I too felt like a burden to my loved ones but believe me without their love and support I would not have got better. My husband has destroyed an entire family, he has even cut our kids off and I'm having to defend us from someone who has changed beyond recognition who said he didn't want to hurt us, sadly his behaviour has been destructive and if I am honest after the way in which we have all been treated we no longer care if he is still breathing. Keep trying that's all you can do, I know what you mean when you say you are doing things you would not normally do, I had psychotic episodes, imagined I had run someone over and stopped to look under the car to check I hadn't. If an alarm went off I thought it was a nuclear attack, D messes with your mind and it's hard to define reality and fiction, I have every sympathy I know it's not a place to be.
paul67642 Slowly_dieing
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Slowly_dieing paul67642
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paul67642 Slowly_dieing
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i cant o that my girlfriend i was in truly madly deeply in prue love with her anfd sh ne that becaues i told hr every day of our lifes together
Slowly_dieing paul67642
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Slowly_dieing
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paul67642 Slowly_dieing
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I WISH I COULD GET MY GIRLFRIEND BY MY SIDE THEN I WOULD BE HAPPY AGAIN
jackie82937 Slowly_dieing
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my advice is the same as Paul's deal with this or you are going to end up very sad and very lonely. Believe me there is only so much hurt someone loves you can take, running away is not solving anything.
hypercat Slowly_dieing
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My nephew wanted to leave his gf but lacked the courage to tell her so he deliberately had an affair making sure she found out. That's a cowards way out. It would be a slap in the face for this poor woman and i doubt she would be so nice if there was a next time. If you are doing this despite knowing how much it would hurt her then I agree she is better off without you. Then she can find a man who deserves her and doesn't treat her in such a shabby way. x
Slowly_dieing jackie82937
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I talk to others because it's easier then talking to her, she has suggested we start again and we talk about mundane things rather then what's going on and our lives together but it's hard because it's still her!
Starting again with a stranger is easier and doesn't put any pressure on me.
And yet she still says she is here for me as always and that she inderstands me talking to other people she just doesn't want me to shut her out.....I can't keep hurting her, i won't, I hate it, I don't deserve her!
Slowly_dieing hypercat
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$ months down the road and yes i realise she is a wonderful supportive women who i don't deserve but i do want her in my life.... even if thats in some small way!
Slowly_dieing
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paul67642 Slowly_dieing
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jackie82937 Slowly_dieing
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I've heard that cr*p before, the reason is that you like some others don't want to sort your issues, easier to keep burying your head in the sand.
Well if you really feel you don't deserve her don't do what they call the push me pull me rountine which means you go back and forth to her unable to decide. Do the decent thing let her go to someone who will give a sh*t and care about her.
Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear, but I have heard enough excuses to last me a lifetime.
My friend with D does not like me challenging her or her behaviour she is making excuses and thinks someone is going to wave a magic wand and give her a magic pill. She has to learn to sort herself, I've had to cut her off too ringing me in the early hours of the morning asking me to contact the crisis team and talking about suicide, by the time I had received the 12th text I was ready to tell her to go do it, yes that sounds harsh but how do you help and support someone who won't help themselves?
yvonne81394 jackie82937
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yvonne81394 Slowly_dieing
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yvonne81394 Slowly_dieing
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